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I used to wonder how some people can so "blindly" give themselves to a person. especially in the situations where, from an outsider's perspective, that person is utterly being used, abused, or the love is so unilateral...

I used to wonder, "why would they let themselves get hurt like that" or I would feel sorry that they couldn't find love that would love them back... love breaks your heart...

I used to wonder, but I think I understand... you really can't help with whom you fall in love... sometimes, some people just touch your heart and you fall in love with them. it might not make sense, but it happens... love makes it hard...

and it fades away so easily... hmm... I do not agree... sometimes "love" is just lust, masquerading as love, because when it is love - even if you are no longer in love with them, you still love them - even no matter how much...

love I think is more of a connection - at a spiritual level, because physical attraction is easy, it fades, and it is quickly forgotten. a flashfire compare to the slow, deep burn of real love...

but when you do love someone, unilateral or not, you will do anything you can for them... but tread carefully - because if the one that you love clearly does not love you back, then you must be able to accept that and move on. you must be able to find a love that will give love back. you can hold onto your other feelings, but you have to be careful that you do not let them keep you from having other meaningful relationships... love takes no less than everything.

or you can hold onto those feelings and live the rest of your life pining for that one love.

that is your choice...

now marriage, real marriage, imho, is the sacrament in which man and woman are joined by God's divine grace to share a lifelong, faithful union in which children will accepted willing without any artificial contraception. marriage cannot be dissolved except by death. (so no divorce - btw an annulment means that the actual marriage never existed, meaning that part of the required criteria for marriage was not met and therefore the couple was never really married)

when you marry someone, it has to be a very concious decision. you have to be willing to say, no matter what - no matter what I am going to stick with you until one of us dies.

I think about that and I am floored. as long as you both shall live. that was the stipulation. in my heart I felt it, but when you actually think about it and say it outloud. you're really not messing around. the funny thing, is that I do think about it, and I am happy with it. I would love to be able to be with my wife whenever possible... but you enter into things that you find you have trouble getting out of... (of course, there really is no getting out of marriage) and suddenly the important things that you should be thinking about get pushed to the background.

i've really had to take a step back and look at what I really want in my life. for a while there, I had no clue. in fact, I still am a bit clueless. but I still have to keep moving forward, because I don't want to get stuck in a rut. I don't want try to go back to the way things were, because I will end up doing the same things over and over again, going in circles. I want to expand and I want to grow. my life, my faith, my love. I just need to be patient. I love my wife. and I will wait for her forever. how do I show love without smothering? how do I show love without looking distant? what does she really want? what do I really want?

what I really want...

hmm...

love.

that's pretty much it.