babiegoose.com

who am I?

am I an egomaniac with a hero complex. do I need to be able to solve everyone's problems? can I not leave a puzzle alone?

I think I've been channeling greg house as of late - I get bored until I have a problem I can't solve and then I don't rest until I solve it.

I have a problem in that I'm constantly in fix-it mode. I need to be fixing something because I can't seem to just sit there and let things be.

understand how it happened, how do I fix it, and how not to let it happen again.

I'm a control freak. not the obsessive I need to control every aspect of everyone's life, but those that surround me are certainly affected.

is it because I just want to help? or is there some ulteriormotive behind it. I would like to believe that I am doing it because I want to help, but maybe deep down I think that someone deserves to be happy and since that will probably never happen for me, it might as well be those closest to me.

I can't make everyone happy. what sucks is that my happiness revolves around one other person's happiness and I don't know if I can make that person happy. I don't know how. I can't find out why and that person doesn't seem to want to let me in.

I am going insane. really, I am. I'm racking my brain trying to figure out if there was something that I did or if it is the way that I am or something, but I don't know.

I don't know who I am anymore, I don't know what I am living for, and I certainly don't know if am holding up my end of the bargain. I've been praying for some guidance, and perhaps some insight into the road and path that I am on, but it is so easy to give into despair.

why is that?

am I focusing on what really matters?

I don't know. maybe. maybe not.

I am lost and I am screaming on the inside. I want to know what is going on in your head because I can't know if you don't tell me.

I am cycling through anger and frustration and fear and resentment and sadness and despair and loliness and confusion and it is all going to come to a head if I don't get this all off my chest.

but there is only one person that I can talk to about this.

please talk to me.

please. I need to know where I stand.

because if I don't, I don't know how much more I can take before I either give up or give out...