babiegoose.com

so, obviously, when you get older you have more experiences...

certain memories remain forefront in your mind most of the time, and then there are memories that are triggered by smells, or by incidents, or by a certain word phrasing - you know, sort of like a magic word or trigger which brings forth a different section of your mind - a combination lock if you will.

overall, I think that this is necessary - kind of like Xavier's protocols - because you need those memories, whether it be to keep your ego in check, to get out of a sticky situation, or to realize that you don't need to buy a certain pair of shoes/boots... but you don't need every second of your life, so you store them away and forget until needed.

mostly.

first - if you had every memory at the forefront of your mind, you would probably go mad, because really, you would have every embarassing moment to clearly relive - and as I type this, I would rather forget the handful that have been sticking with me for the past few days or so... and it's not so much the actual memory of these experience that bother so much, but the feelings that they invoke.

you know that feeling - the light-headed, nkot in your stomch, hollowed out chest, cringe, scowl, twitchy lip, body shiver, head shake feeling... which usually leave you (meaning me) thinking (or saying) "arrghh, why are you so stupid" or "i hate you"

yeech.

nonetheless, these memories of these experience are vital for personal growth - because if we forgot these stupid moments - then we would make the same mistakes over and over, and then where would we be? It's a good thing that moments like those are so traumatic, because nothing motivates like panic and nothing imprints better than deep humiliation.

... ... ...

so there's nothing more fun that walking around most of the morning with your fly unzipped and the corner of your tucked shirt hanging through...