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I am writing this in text pad.

I have to, because I cannot access any blogs anymore from work.

not strictly from work, but more because of the client site.

I think I wrote a blog about experts or those who are very, very good at what they do. "talent" versus "practice".

I read somewhere that those that are good at what they do is not so much a degree of talent, but a degree of putting in the effort. it is also about what kind of effort. Practice with no purpose does little to increase the skill of the practitioner. one must consciously remember and improve upon oness technique upon each and every attempt. one cannot simply hope that repetition, with no feedback or correction, will automatically improve one's game. simply put, I can swing a golf club 100 times and not get any better. each swing would have to have a deliberate and methodical changes and improvements. one must be aware of every aspect as much as possible. improve upon the technique until there is no technique.

but we live in a world full of instant gratification. we are the epitome of veruca salt. "Give it to me. Now!"

I do submit though, that when I say "we" I mean "I". I am just thinking about how I am seeing things. typically I imagine that everyone thinks the way I do, but I've found that many times, if not most times, that doesn't seem to be the case.

to get good at something or be an "expert" you are looking at "practicing" 4 hours a day for 10 years, every day. and I mean the structured practicing.

I find that I either don't have the time or the motivation to put that kind of time into something that I can't immediately get results from. which is sad, because there are many things that I would still like to do. I find that I no longer like playing those video games that I can't finish in an hour or in a single day, because I don't want to commit myself for the weekends for the next few months, because the weekends are all I have at home. the only real time I can spend with family.

I'm pretty sure I'm at the end of the rope for the traveling game. I am tentatively calling this project my last, and I will semi-actively look for other employment.

I found this amongst my notes. I don't know if I thought of them or if I found them somewhere a long time ago and decided it was nice enough to write down...

Things not always appreciated until you experience not having them.

1. a good night's sleep
2. no traffic
3. a good light holder person
4. a fast computer
5. air bags
6. employment
7. good shoes/boots/things that go on your feet
8. air
9. friends
10. family
and, last, but certainly not least - God

... ... ...

we do what we have to, when we have to...

otherwise, we do what is easiest or most satisfying...

there is a blackhole of time called the wii.

hiro and kris came over on friday. we were going to watch a movie or something, maybe go bowling, maybe go play pool, whatever. hiro is back from japan and we just wanted to catch up.

6pm. ryan: "there is a movie at 7:15 - we can leave in 30 minutes to make it." we were going to watch blades of glory I think.
hiro: "that's fine, what do you want to do for now?"
kris: "you wanna play wii until we leave?"

::: playing wii sports :::

7:30pm ryan: "uh, we missed the showing"
hiro: "haha, is there another"
ryan: "yeah, at 9"
kris: "ok, we'll go see that one"

::: playing wii play (tanks!) :::

8:45pm ryan:"you guys just want to scratch the movie and order something in?"
hiro and kris: "haha, yeah"

::: still playing :::

11:58pm kris: "ryan, why is your clock fast? it says it's almost midnight?"
ryan: "um, that's the right time."
kris: "dude, I have to work tomorrow"
ryan: "ok, one more round of bowling"

::: one round and a few training sessions of bowling later :::
12:50am kris: "I gotta go"
hiro: "yeah it's late"
ryan: "uh, how long did you work today? not including lunch?"
hiro: "8 hour day, 1 hour for lunch, so 7 hours..."
ryan: "and you came straight from work to here?" [my house]
hiro: "yeah"
ryan: "you realized we just played wii for as long as you worked today"
hiro: "ha, I should have gotten paid for this."

::: kris and hiro leave :::
3am - gambit is now pro in bowling and ryan has completely changed his bowling swing.\

::: ::: :::

Read more.

watching wicked with co-workers is not as cool as watching it with family or friends.

It's hard to get excited about something if you know you are going to get mocked for it or if you know no one else will share your excitement. some of my co-workers were practically falling asleep. can you believe that?

tidbit - deedee magno - who is now deedee magno hall and of mmc and the party - was nessarose. she played kim in miss saigon for a while. fiyero was played by her husband, who apparently played chris in said production of miss saigon. just thought it was neat, since I practically grew up watching the new mmc and still listen to some of the stuff by the party... probably more for nostalgia sake, but also because I'm a dork.

don't judge me.

anyhow, afterwards, the cast members were collecting donations for some local charities and for a $60 donation you could have gotten a signed poster of the cast. I almost did it, but then decided against it. I was probably going to do it more for getting the signed poster instead of for whatever the cause was - which I have since forgotten. I probably would have done it if I saw deedee just to get a picture, but I didn't and I figured I didn't really need a signed cast poster of wicked. I definitely would have done it if it were idina menzel or kristin chenoweth, but it wasn't. although the cast did have crazy pipes, and they were full out on all of the songs, which was not the case the first time I saw it and it was a little disappointing given the first time watching it...

my favorite thing about watching musicals over and over is the fact that it's always a different experience - the cast changes, the songs might change a little, blocking, some lines, little extras that each person brings to their roles...

next time, I will definitely vie for closer seats.

::: ::: :::

then I got lost on the way back to the hotel.

the end.

"you will hit a point - like at around 11:00pm - when you think that it probably doesn't make sense to try to sleep because you have to get up so early, but trust me - you should sleep" ~kimmie

so yeah - last night - I was up. I stayed up because a few things played into my insomnia - 1 - the back to the future marathon. that marty mcfly is such a card. 2 - the load of laundry in the wash - didn't want to leave it in the washing machine for a week. not a good idea, let me tell you. 3 - i had a very long nap earlier that day. johnny stopped by to pick up his boots and snowboard and woke me from it. 4 - christmas tree - I took that thing down finally. haven't been home long enough to register that it was almost february and it was still up. 5 - packing - yup. needed to do that for work this week.

so the who rest of the night from the moment I woke up to the moment I left for the airport (4am) I would do something for 10-15 minutes and then lie down on whatever couch or bed happened to be nearby. I would close my eyes in hopes of falling asleep, but I would only end up getting 5 minutes or so... not very restful.

I found that I left too early for the airport, so instead of driving 80mph I drove 70mph. I still made it with enough time to nap before boarding. at least I was able to sleep the whole way through on the plane - I had the middle seat so that bit, but I wore my coat because I was cold and I needed the extra bulk to bogart the armrests from the aisle guy and the window guy. awesome.

I need to get my own thing of head-on - because that stick of miracles is exactly that. a stick of miracles. what kind of voodoo is harnessed within that smallish applicator? i don't know, but I like it.

i guess I have surpassed the night portion of this tale. so I will leave you now - I require a bed and 8 or 9 hours of uniterrupted silence.

knowing me, that will never ever happen.

I said that I'd get too busy to blog and to read other people's blogs?

yeah, that happened...

that along with another stupid addiction that was introduced to me by eric.

thanks bro. you do realize that almost everything that our wives complain about was brought on by you right?

c&c - "Hey, you have to play this game - when they give you a mission, they brief you like you are the actual general"

magic - "Hey, you should try this game with me..."

conquerclub - "dude - you have to sign up... you have to sign up right away... call me."

but those aren't the reasons why I'm busy...

work work work...

so... I'm a little nervous right now, because I'm not sure if I'm still going to houston...

long story short - there was some misunderstanding with my role and I'm not sure that I should or if I even want to tole anymore.

pro - I won't have to fly to texas every week
pro - I could potentially be unstaffed for a while until I find another project (meaning, paid to not do anything)
pro - I could possibly even hang out with lorie
pro - I could potentially be unstaffed for a while until I find another project (meaning, paid to not do anything)
pro - I will finally have time to do things in and around the house without having to balance trying to see everyone on the weekends

con - being unstaffed doesn't look good during review time
con - I would have to find another project - which can be a huge pain in the ass
con - I might have to go into the home office once in a while (but I'm going to avoid that as much as possible)
con - I feel bad because they are desperate for staff (but it just might not be a good fit)
con - I won't be able to go to lot 8 to get something for lorie from chloe (... sad... on many different levels)

so yeah - I'm nervous because I'm done with my current project this week - I want to know what my advisor is going to say, but he's busy until later tonight... and I just hate uncertainty...

bottom line - I don't think I want this project right now.

[updated]

not nervous anymore... my advisor just reassured me that I should take the role. he didn't use a manipulative tone or anything like that so I guess I have trust that he's trying to help me out...

... ... ...

bittersweet...
... ... ...

I guess I'm going to houston next week...

no more 4 day work weeks... 4 in houston, 1 at home... at least I can work from home... not like I do much on friday anyway.

at least I can probably work 8 or 9 hour days now... instead of having to kill myself to get 11 or 12 to justify my charging in 40 hours a week when not working on friday.

we'll see how that goes.

so... for the last year I've probably repeated the same exact routine everyday I had to work...

REM work_routine
10 BEGIN
20 a=1
30 a=a+1
6:30a - first alarm
6:40a - second alarm
6:45a - third alarm [why three alarms? the first is the clock radio next to my bed, the second is the tv, and 50 the third is the phone on the floor in front of the bathroom - to which I am slowly moving.] at this point I get ready for work...
7:30a - leave for the office
7:32a - bitch about traffic
7:50a - get to work
7:55a - check e-mail - every. single. account.
blah blah blah [translated: work]
8:15a - check e-mail
blah blah blah
8:30a - read blogs - everything on links page
blah blah blah
9a-ish - chat with co-workers, complain about work, about other co-workers, talk about a couple of work things, plan where to go for lunch...
blah blah blah
[somewhere in here I google or wikipedia something because I thought of something or I needed to find out about something]
blah blah blah
11a - check e-mail, check blogs, chat with co-workers, complain about work, about other co-workers, talk about a couple of work things, confirm lunch...
blah blah blah
11:30a - lunch
12:45p - back to work, check e-mail, check blogs, chat with co-workers, complain about work, about other co-workers, talk about a couple of work things, talk about what happened at lunch...
blah blah blah
2p - afternoon trough, check e-mail, check blogs, chat with co-workers about being sleepy, talk about making a coffee/ice cream run at 3p-ish
blah blah blah
2:15p - check e-mail, check blogs
blah blah blah
2:20p - check e-mail, check blogs
blah blah blah
2:25p - check e-mail, actually blog, bitch about how no one has updated their blog since this morning...
blah blah blah
2:30p - check e-mail, check blogs
blah blah blah
3p - leave to get coffee or ice cream
3:30p - return to work, check e-mail, check blogs
blah blah blah
4:30p - check e-mail, check blogs, chat
blah blah blah
5:30p - check e-mail, check blogs
blah blah blah
6:30p - check e-mail, check blogs, chat about leaving
blah blah blah
7:00p - leave, get dinner, play games/watch movies/workout/watch tv/play poker, eat dinner
12-1a - go to sleep
1000 if a=3 goto 1020
1010 goto 30
1020 END

oh, and by the way - it only takes 2-3 minutes for me to go through all of the e-mails and blogs after the first time (which probably took 10 minutes)

as you can see [or not see] - I only have four more days left - three of the routine, which changes at 1pm where I leave ct [forever]...

somehow I feel like I'm leaving the breadbox for the fire...

if that makes any sense at all...

I am going to generalize here and say that everyone has a hankering for some really good bad [type of food] once in a while...

sure you know that almond chicken or sweet and sour pork isn't real chinese food... sure you know that olive garden, fazoli's, or chef boyardee isn't real italian... and of course you know that korean sushi place isn't really japanese.

pf changs, panda express, taco bell, noodles and co... they are not representative of the authentic cuisine of the culture they [loosely] represent...

but man, sometimes you just want it. regardless of its authenticity, the food still tastes good (of course that also depends on your mood and whether or not you had anything to drink) but whatever. I guess good fake food is better than crappy "authentic" food... there is the suspension of disbelief when you know the food you are getting is preprocessed and not to be mistaken for a home cooked meal. sure, there's way more sodium, trans-fat, saturated fat, calories, presevatives, etc... but who cares, because when it fills your belly, you feel happy.

I can't help it if my fast fix for rice comes in the form of fried rice and orange chicken from panda... it's fast, it's cheap, and it's really close to my apartment.

but man, do you get food coma afterwards..

... ... ...

11 fulls days, 8 work days until I'm out of ct...

I'm on cruise control until I bounce.

ok... so I finally beat that stupid battletech game. very anti-climactic. I've closed that chapter in my childhood, now I can get back to real life. I debated going onto battletech 2 - but I never came across it as a child. from what I understand, however, that seems to be the first real-time strategy game - the predecessor to command and conquer. I'm not sure when warcraft came out, but I thought it was after c&c. so that's neat, but in the five minutes I looked online, I couldn't find a place to download it [at least from work] :-P so I'm giving up that ghost, and I will complete ffvii... ugh. I'm such a dork.

I won't see lorie again for a year because she's leaving me on wednesday. so that really sucks. [not really a year, but you get the idea]... i guess that can justify me not doing anything all weekend while she's gone. when I play video games, I think the rest of my body goes into stasis and all of a sudden it's time to go back to work. [sarcasm] how awesome is that? [/sarcasm]

based on the tivo traffic from the last week or so, it looks like I should be able to get through most of the queue in the morning this friday. veronica mars looks promising this season, as does lost, and heroes. didn't get to watch battlestar yet, can't believe I didn't watch it this weekend. supernatural and ncis are cool too. smallville is starting to wear thin on me as of late, but I'll still watch it. I've made it this far, I'll watch it until they cancel it (probably this season or next, I'm guessing) I don't think it's jumped the shark, but it's getting close - they still manage to pull a good number of episodes out of their... um... hats.

today is columbus day. in celebration of the man who stumbled into the "new" continent thinking he had reached asia (he believed this until he died) but did, in fact, open up trade routes from europe to the americas. columbus' calculations were faulty, but luckily for him, the ocean didn't stretch uninterrupted from europe to asia... it really doesn't matter that there were others that reached the amierca's prior to him, they made little to no impact on the future, but let us not forget the diseases and pests that were brought over from europe, or the enslavement or displacement or destruction of entire indigenous cultures. without that, we wouldn't be where we are today... of course without the dark ages, we probably would be farther than we are today... but what's a little inquisition now and again? besides, nowadays, we seem to be moving in the other direction, all science, no faith... but that's a completely different subject for another time... so everyone raise your glass to columbus, because without him, we probably would be living very different lives, if we even would have existed at all... a lot can happen in 600 years...

but I'm just guessing about that.