babiegoose.com

it truly is the anticipation that kills you...

the drop from the roller coaster... the moment right before you go on stage... the ring in the phone right before you talk to someone... the moment right before giving a speech...

those little moments can be over saturated with stress, good or bad, that I think they account for 99% of stress.

when you are in the middle of doing something, once you are moving with your head down on a task, everything is cool... work work work... go go go...

the instant you pick your head up and think about something more than two steps ahead... BAM... anticipation/stress/worry/excitment/whatever...

you need to pick your head up though, because being unprepared is worse than being stressed out... which inevitably leads to being stressed out anyway, so you would lose either way...

I had to give a review last week... it was probably the worse review that I've had to give someone face to face... the good thing is that I had everything I needed documented, the bad news is is that I had to tell him and he is much bigger than me.

[I imagined, at one point during my meeting, that he would reach over the table and pound my face in an emotional outburst... of course that didn't happen, but it was lurking about in the back of my mind... but then again, there are a whole slew of things lurking back there that are probably not rated PG]

in any case, the whole two hours before the meeting I was a wreck... although I was composed and attentive at first glance, I was dreading having to tell someone how bad their work was...

it's not fun, I have been told it is the next worse thing to actually kicking someone off the project, which is the next worse thing to firing someone... and I mean this from a professional perspective, because obviously there are worse things in life than firing someone, but in the context of this coversation... well, you get the idea...

I had no expectations... or rather, I had every expectation, which is the same thing as having no expectations... essentially. in any case, it actually went rather smoothly, although there were very, very tense moments, and I think I gave a short chuckle because something he said was funny to me in context and he didn't find it so amusing... but then again, if you are being told "you suck" (not in so few words) I am sure you wouldn't be laughing either... whatever.

(2pm) I debriefed my boss, told a few other people how horrific the experience was, and promptly went to the airport to board a plane and get intoxicated.

I think I called a few people too... so by 7pm (when I had stopped drinking) I was properly wasted and sufficiently hungover by around midnight or a little later... dunno... I slept most of that evening away...

I'm just glad its over and will be over... since we are kicking him off the project...

now the trick is to avoid him for the next two weeks...