babiegoose.com

I am writing this in text pad.

I have to, because I cannot access any blogs anymore from work.

not strictly from work, but more because of the client site.

I think I wrote a blog about experts or those who are very, very good at what they do. "talent" versus "practice".

I read somewhere that those that are good at what they do is not so much a degree of talent, but a degree of putting in the effort. it is also about what kind of effort. Practice with no purpose does little to increase the skill of the practitioner. one must consciously remember and improve upon oness technique upon each and every attempt. one cannot simply hope that repetition, with no feedback or correction, will automatically improve one's game. simply put, I can swing a golf club 100 times and not get any better. each swing would have to have a deliberate and methodical changes and improvements. one must be aware of every aspect as much as possible. improve upon the technique until there is no technique.

but we live in a world full of instant gratification. we are the epitome of veruca salt. "Give it to me. Now!"

I do submit though, that when I say "we" I mean "I". I am just thinking about how I am seeing things. typically I imagine that everyone thinks the way I do, but I've found that many times, if not most times, that doesn't seem to be the case.

to get good at something or be an "expert" you are looking at "practicing" 4 hours a day for 10 years, every day. and I mean the structured practicing.

I find that I either don't have the time or the motivation to put that kind of time into something that I can't immediately get results from. which is sad, because there are many things that I would still like to do. I find that I no longer like playing those video games that I can't finish in an hour or in a single day, because I don't want to commit myself for the weekends for the next few months, because the weekends are all I have at home. the only real time I can spend with family.

I'm pretty sure I'm at the end of the rope for the traveling game. I am tentatively calling this project my last, and I will semi-actively look for other employment.

I found this amongst my notes. I don't know if I thought of them or if I found them somewhere a long time ago and decided it was nice enough to write down...

Things not always appreciated until you experience not having them.

1. a good night's sleep
2. no traffic
3. a good light holder person
4. a fast computer
5. air bags
6. employment
7. good shoes/boots/things that go on your feet
8. air
9. friends
10. family
and, last, but certainly not least - God

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we do what we have to, when we have to...

otherwise, we do what is easiest or most satisfying...

you could literally copy and paste each week for me.

it's all pretty much the same.

minor details regarding work.

so it's obviously the weekends I live for now.

I haven't blogged in a while.

the client pretty much blocks everything.

not cool.

today was the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary.

for those of you that don't know. it's the day that Mary was taken, bodily, into heaven. The way I understood it, after Jesus conquered death by resurrection, He honored His Mother by allowing her to be the first to be resurrected into His Kingdom.

from what I can tell, there is a question whether or not Mary actually died, or if she was assumed at the very instant of her death. The eastern orthodox call this day the Dormition - and believe that she was entombed and that after three days she was raised, bodily, into heaven.

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that's it. thought it was neat.

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courage is on. I like to watch him, he's funny.

have you ever tried to contemplate genius? being in the presence of someone when tey figure something out that you have absolutely no clue how they are thinking about it and then watch them give you a solution that was just complete way over your head that it was like it was almost magic.

what truly amazes me are those that are truly gifted in some way - how they can look at something, understand it down to the core without ever having seen it before, and mastering it better than even the person who created it... as if whatever that something was, was created specifically for that person to use it.

don't get me wrong, I have a great respect for those who have toiled and strived to become masters in whatever it is they do. Many times the effort put into learning an ability surpasses that of the natural talent. I've heard the story many times (or imagined that I heard it)... the phenomenon burns out, wastes talent... I'd blame that on lack of guidance (and not necesarily on the phenom - although there is some culpability there still)

but I'm sure there is some rhyme and reason about why things are they way they are, if only to show that slow and steady will win the race (probably something like a marathon or a tri and not a sprint)...

so, since life is a marathon, knuckle down, buster.

still, I am guilty of many sins, but I am grieviously weak with envy... I look at other people and imagine - man, I wish I could do that, or be like that, or have that... In my mind I imagine people look at me and think the same thing and I am flattered yet disappointed, because outward appearances are never what they seem... then I imagine that there has to be some type of strife or turmoil in that person's life and some how my life doesn't suck even remotely as much as I thought it did... seriously though, if you were given everything you ever wanted, then would you appreciated any of it? especially if it just came to you with no effort?

yeah, right - you'd be so bored. basically, I'm trying to get to the point so that I can say, if I need this, I want it to be availble to me.

of course there are many things that I probably desire that I don't need... and the things that I wanted, I got, and now never use... you life just get's bogged down with all this stuff and you don't know what to do with it. it just takes up space.

let's think about it, what would I need in a home to be comfortable, with no uber-excess (perishables and utility items aside)... fully and completely loaded laptop, printer, a good couch, a tv, dvd player/recorder, dvr, cable and broadband, wireless, medium frying pan, medium pot, cookie sheet, roasting pan, oven, stove, fridge/freezer, two spatulas (rubber and cooking), large spoons (slotted and non-slotted), mixing bowl, scissors, can/bottle opener, measuring cups/spoons, chopping board, knives (santoku, chef, utility, pairing), a good bed, pillows, dresser, sheets, vacuum, mop, broom, dust pan, duster, towels (bath, kitchen, cleaning), 2 dinner sets (plates, bowls, silverware, glasses, cups), fully and completely loaded tool set, cell phone, charger, toothbrush, various lamps/lights, at least 500 sq ft, powercords, power strips... and probably a number of other things that I can't think of right now, but basically stuff like that to minimize my needs and to be relatively comfortable... although I probably won't be entertaining many people.

if my life starts going down hill, i am going to look for sponsors and be the dude that never leaves his house and has camera's everywhere so I don't have any privacy except for when I use the bathroom... of course I'd probably try to get them to build a house that I never want to leave... also, going to church will be a problem, although I could always have mass at my house...

well, now I'm just dreaming... I'll probably post this later, so no one will really read it... at least. that's the plan.

doing...

everything is linked. everything is intertwined.

you say one things and a few months later people think you are crazy.

of course, you might actually be crazy - but whatever - you probably aren't.

there is a modicum of order in which we live. there is order because we trust. in order for us to trust, that requires faith.

without order then the many things which we take for granted are no longer afforded to us. crossing the street or drinking water. when there is no order, there is no trust. without trust, we lose faith...

and without faith we have nothing.

we have rules for a reason.

they are there to provide a sound structure around what society deems best for certain situations.

some rules are never meant to be broken...

others are just guidelines...

we cannot always follow the rules laid down by man because sometimes we don't know that some rules we have placed upon ourselves are restricting development. so we break some now and again because we believe that by doing so will increase the untility in the world.

however, we cannot just blatantly ignore all of the rules, because by doing so, there can be no foundation of trust and understanding from which everyone can draw...

the thing is, if something is flexible, then everything must necessarily be flexibe, right?

no - just because one thing is flexible, doesn't mean that everything has to be...

whatever.

do you know what kind of person you are? of course and of course not.

but let's say you do - given that we live in the present and that labels do not become us, suppose we jump back a few hundred years or more...

I suppose I would like to see my self as a samurai or a knight, although I'm probably more inclined to being a ninja or a mercenary... however, I believe I have more loyalty than the connotation of the latter titles suggest...

those titles, however, [apparently] erroneously depict (from the perspective of the present popular notions) knights, samurai, and ninja... (i.e. knights and samurai were most likely not as nobel as we would like to believe them to be, and ninjas usually did not dress up in all black or weilded katanas) - but that is a discussion for later

the geek in me would see me as an elf and a thief. the pompous version would see me as a paradigm - something not meek or humble...

who am I?

am I an egomaniac with a hero complex. do I need to be able to solve everyone's problems? can I not leave a puzzle alone?

I think I've been channeling greg house as of late - I get bored until I have a problem I can't solve and then I don't rest until I solve it.

I have a problem in that I'm constantly in fix-it mode. I need to be fixing something because I can't seem to just sit there and let things be.

understand how it happened, how do I fix it, and how not to let it happen again.

I'm a control freak. not the obsessive I need to control every aspect of everyone's life, but those that surround me are certainly affected.

is it because I just want to help? or is there some ulteriormotive behind it. I would like to believe that I am doing it because I want to help, but maybe deep down I think that someone deserves to be happy and since that will probably never happen for me, it might as well be those closest to me.

I can't make everyone happy. what sucks is that my happiness revolves around one other person's happiness and I don't know if I can make that person happy. I don't know how. I can't find out why and that person doesn't seem to want to let me in.

I am going insane. really, I am. I'm racking my brain trying to figure out if there was something that I did or if it is the way that I am or something, but I don't know.

I don't know who I am anymore, I don't know what I am living for, and I certainly don't know if am holding up my end of the bargain. I've been praying for some guidance, and perhaps some insight into the road and path that I am on, but it is so easy to give into despair.

why is that?

am I focusing on what really matters?

I don't know. maybe. maybe not.

I am lost and I am screaming on the inside. I want to know what is going on in your head because I can't know if you don't tell me.

I am cycling through anger and frustration and fear and resentment and sadness and despair and loliness and confusion and it is all going to come to a head if I don't get this all off my chest.

but there is only one person that I can talk to about this.

please talk to me.

please. I need to know where I stand.

because if I don't, I don't know how much more I can take before I either give up or give out...

there are people who are born leaders... the people who become the emperors, the emperors advisors, the generals, and the foot soldiers...

I think I could do any of those roles, and I think I could do them well... the problem that I have with that is that I don't think I care enough to have those roles. that fact alone would make me not a good whatever... I can follow for a while, because following is easy... but I get bored with that... I can lead for a while large or small... but I think I'm too much of a control freak and given the trust issues that I have, I don't like being too far from the action, so smaller groups are my preference and I like to know everything that is going on...

I'm probably more along the lines of a mercenary, mostly because I am selfishly concerned with myself and my immediate interests than I am having to think and deal with long term issues. planning is something I can do, but something for which I do not have the heard. and given the nature of a merc's work, the job is usually solo or with a small two to four man group.

well, that's how I romanticze it. the other thing that I know about myself... I can take something and give you great ideas about how to make it better, but coming up with the original idea - not my forte... I can see all the pieces and figure out how best they should go together... big picture and all that, but I'm not one to create the big picture. so in essence, you can say that I am very good at criticizing other people's work, tearing it apart and putting it back together, than I am in building from scratch.

original ideas are very hard to come by, and I hope one day that I can have one of my very own.

retention and regurgitation. I am very good at that. I can remember and I can recite. I can even ad-lib a little.

I greatly appreciate others' abilities to be able to create, almost to the point of jealousy...

but not all of us are originators... I am more of an improvisor - not an innovator... macgyver versus edison

you can say that I'm a dreamer... but I'm not the only one.

so I'm in that in between age again...

at least at work.

I'm not a spring chicken, but I'm not a grizzled veteran. I'm not young, but I'm not quite old.

I feel like I'm 13 again. Not the unsure of my body-changing-voice-don't-know-how-to-talk-to-girls feeling, but more of the feeling that I can no longer do the things that younger ones could do, but not quite old enough to hang out with the older ones...

outside work - in my peer group (+/- 5 years) - there are the divides between those that are single, those that are just married or about to be married, and those with kids...

I guess you can probably break it down it to many more groups, but I think those are the the most prevalent ones (in my experience)

there are a good many people out there who enjoy comics. any argument you make about any one aspect can be vehemently argued by a member of the opposing camp.

given this, I would like to have a friendly and intelligent discussion on the merits of the character Gambit. by intelligent, I mean thought out and articulated rebuttals - i.e. no "Gambit is gay because he has boobs", but on the merits of references from canon and structured argument.

... ... ...

I submit that gambit is a very deep character, but like all comic book characters, developed into a more complex and interesteing character as his story, amidst other stories, progressed. From my research [1] I have ascertained that people

1) love gambit
2) hate gambit
3) don't care either way

For those that are of the first group, much more support[2] can be found than that of the second group. For those of the third group, obviously if you don't care, you are going to say anything because why waste your time on something about which you have no interest. I have also found that those of the second group are not nearly as vocal as the first, or as anti-[character] fans can be (see: Jar-Jar Binks, Joel Schumaker's Batman movies) But again, people are less like to rant about characters they don't like.

character complexity: I believe that character complexity leads either to an attractive mysteriousness or to an annoying hassle. As far as character complexities go, gambit is not nearly as complex as wolverine - but this can be attributed to the fact that writers kept diversifying wolverine's past and eventually clean it up with the whole weapon x (or 10, however you want to see it) storyline. Gambit is adopted, he is a thief, he is a mutant...

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[1] three or four google searches
[2] number of sites dedicated to

incomplete thought...

Taken from http://ic.net/%7Eerasmus/RAZ278.HTM
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Mortal vs.Venial Sin
1 John 5:17 explicitly differentiates a mortal sin from a less serious one (RSV):

All wrongdoing is sin, but there is sin which is not mortal.
{KJV: "not unto death"}

Denying this would be tantamount to saying that a white lie or a momentary pang of jealousy or lust (especially if unrepented of) is the moral equivalent in God's eyes of a torture, rape, and murder? That's what the Protestant position -- starkly put -- reduces to.
Everyone agrees that all sin is barred from heaven, but again, that is future for us, not present, and this is precisely why purgatory is such a merciful, necessary doctrine. If God gets "serious" about actual, real sin in heaven, why in the world would He not start now? Catholics think that God -- in practical terms -- takes sin as seriously now as He will then, and that's one reason why we think mere imputation or forensic declaration of holiness is a falsehood.

1 John 5:16-17 expressly contradicts Protestant teaching on this. John says he shall give him life for them that sin not unto death, but Protestants say "all sin leads to spiritual death," and that all sins are equal in God's eyes. Who am I to believe? Again, the Apostle John says, there is a sin not unto death in 5:17. Thus he is clearly making the distinctions we make with regard to degrees of sin. Furthermore, it is not by any means certain from context that the "mortal sin" is blasphemy against the Holy Spirit alone. Some translations even have "there is sin," rather than "there is a sin."

Lastly, there are several lists of sins that are said to bar one from "the kingdom of heaven" (RSV):

1 Corinthians 6:9-10: "Unrighteous," immoral, idolaters, adulterers, sexual perverts, thieves, greedy, drunkards, revilers, robbers "will not inherit the kingdom of God."

Galatians 5:19-21: fornication, impurity, licentiousness, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, anger, selfishness, dissension, party spirit, envy, drunkenness, carousing, and the like . . . "those who do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God."

Ephesians 5:5: ". . . no fornicator or impure man, or one who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God."
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bottom line...

I'm screwed.

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O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee, and I detest all my sins, because I dread the loss of heaven, and the pains of hell; but most of all because they offend Thee, my God, Who are all good and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve, with the help of Thy grace, to confess my sins, to do penance, and to amend my life.