babiegoose.com

that I might fly today

Just to disprove all the things you say

It doesn't take a talent to be mean
Your words can crush things that are unseen

So please be careful with me, I'm sensitive
And I'd like to stay that way.

You always tell me that is impossible
To be respected and be a girl
Why's it gotta be so complicated?
Why you gotta tell me if I'm hated?

So please be careful with me, I'm sensitive
And I'd like to stay that way.

I was thinking that it might do some good
If we robbed the cynics and took all their food
That way what they believe will have taken place
And we can give it to people who have some faith

So please be careful with me, I'm sensitive
And I'd like to stay that way.

I have this theory that if we're told we're bad
Then that's the only idea we'll ever have
But maybe if we are surrounded in beauty
Someday we will become what we see

'Cause anyone can start a conflict
it's harder yet to disregard it

I'd rather see the world from another angle
We are everyday angels
Be careful with me 'cause I'd like to stay that way

so... for me to get into work before eight, I have to set my alarm for six.

I have three alarms on my phone, they are staggared in such a way that when I snooze any of them, none of them will coincide... and will therefore ring many more times...

it officially takes me almost 45 minutes to get moving in the morning... I can get ready in less, given proper motivation. but work isn't really one of them. if I have to get up because other people are relying on me getting up, then I can get up for that, but if it's just me strolling into work, then I have problem.

I am definitely not a morning person, although I can be quite amicable in the a.m. I prefer afternoons and evenings.

but why can I not just get up when the alarm goes off the first time normally? this is quite bothersome, but I think I know the answer - it has probably got to do with adequate sleep. you see, I find that when I sleep more - but not too much - I am able to easily get up in the morining, many times without the need for an alarm clock. but there are times when I get less sleep, either from staying up later watching silly television programming or playing video games, I have difficulty waking up, even with the assistance of an alarm.

strange. the problem shouldn't so easily be solved by the amount of sleep. that would just be silly. maybe I need to take drugs to wake up in the morning. or perhaps I should exercise the moment I wake up. the problem with those solutions is that overtime, I get less and less sleep. and I heard that sleep deprevation is cumulative, but sleeping extra does nothing for you.

that sucks.

I saw this house episode once where this chick had the plague and couldn't sleep. it was crazy.

get your dogs checked for bubonic fleas if they aren't from a good dealer.

you don't what to spread the black death.

crazy man.

craaaaaaaaazy.

the shaving razor's cold, and it stings...

I am a geek.

I can't help it.

I am. although geeks now are way cooler than geeks before, and the sub-culture is far more fascinating and also more accepted, a geek is a geek is a geek.

so I was just perusing my downloads. I've been trying to download the ISO for Bust-a-groove and trap gunner because someone ganked both of those from me...

not cool.

so I figured I could find a rip somewhere.

yea on the first, still working on the second.

here's the problem. so I find the bust-a-groove and bust-a-move (which is the japanese version) ISO's and I rip them and try to play them on my mod'ed playstation. unfortunately I think I burnt out the motherboard or the mod chip a long time ago, so the burns don't play anymore.

think think think.

so I find three or four ps1 emulators online.

cool.

wait.

if I can find bust a groove, can't I find other games?

yup.

I have many many games for my PS1 - but they are CD's and they are at home.

I have now rediscovered Final Fantasy VII. I was pulled back into it because of the FFVII movie - Advent Children, but I forgot so much of the game, and now that I am 10 years older, I am picking up so much more from the game...

that and I'm probably so much smarter. :-P

anyhow, I have officially wasted 11 hours playing the game - it's nice enough to keep track for me.

the cool thing about playing on the laptop is that I can save states - which means I can save where I usually couldn't save - which is almost kind of like cheating, because I can undo mistakes, whereas I couldn't undo them before.

however, I only discovered this 9 hours deep... so I really wasn't able to use it to my advantage from the beginning. and I'm too far out to even consider back tracking...

too much time and too much happens and it's just too difficult to try to fix mistakes you made hours ago. it's only good for quick fixes, instant fixes. otherwise you just have no life... well, if you are spending that much time playing video games then I guess that's your life...

btw - since I know aeris(aerith) is going to die - I'm not even attempting to play her... straight up cloud, tifa, and barrett... and now, I actually understand how the materia works - I had no clue when I first started playing.

I'm out of ct by halloween. houston to follow... now I'm going to have to learn salsa and merengue and whatever other dances...

yup.

I made it worse this morning...

not fun. I need to find some burt's bees ointment.

dude...

las vegas is stupid.

it's hot.

you eat at crappy buffets or macdonald's.

the pool is tiny at the crappy hotel at which you are staying.

and everyone is old or is trying to work you in some way.

and there is enough silicon to rebuild the internet

AND you lose all your money.

... ... ...

except for if you go with john and dana and spencer.

first - it wasn't even nearly as hot as I expected it to be... in fact, it was in the 70's the whole weekend.

second - I probably dropped more on dinner than I did at the tables... which is saying a lot, considering how much I dropped at the tables (but hey, I'm just making a deposit in vegas so that when I go next year, I'll be able to withdraw it... but man, it was damn good food.

third - three words. hard. rock. pool. I'm glad we stayed there because it was worth it just to hang out at the pool. I love swimming. I love dancing. what better combination than to swim and dance.

fourth - a lot of people will try to work you, but a lot of people are as nice as they are crazy... and man are they crazy. (and it's probably not a good idea to think any good-looking person - both female and male - is only hitting on your because they are hookers... which is what I thought anytime someone smiled at me... and for goodness sake - DON'T ASK THEM! which I found out the hard way...

fifth - leave your atm card at home as well as any unneeded credit cards - this probably saved me from a divorce.

sixth - remember to buy something for your significant other at least - this is easier if you aren't wasted most of the time you are awake. so...

seventh - you might enjoy vegas more if you don't drink. but I wouldn't know... you might even be smart enough to walk away from a table when you are up... but I wouldn't know...

eighth - expect to lose whatever money you bring - otherwise you will not enjoy yourself at all. then anything that comes back with you, that's just gravy baby. don't even pretend that you aren't about to lose all your money.

ninth - Never [CENSORED] but then john said [CENSORED] but dana [CENSORED] and spencer just [CENSORED]. rita told [CENSORED] while nancy picked [CENSORED] and nawfal and lisa got engaged at the venetian in a gondola... I guess everything else has to stay in vegas... :-P

tenth - my face is sunburned. I tried to exfoliate, but I think I just made it worse. oh, did I mention it was my first time in vegas?

so let's say that you were just sitting around, thinking about stuff...

and suppose the following fact pops into your head:

-- you know you are better at some things than anyone you know --

it's not a matter of thinking you are better at those things than other people...

it's just a fact, you know it, and it just happened to pop in your head.

certainly there are things that are arguable, and you know this, but there are those things that are just plain obvious...

many times, these things are quantifiable. it's a matter of numbers, and those numbers just point out that fact.

Like my cousin who has held a track record at his junior highschool for over 20 years - it was recently tied a few years ago, but nonetheless, he was the fastest person at that age for that long... that may no longer be the case, but whatever - it happened and it was recorded. like all of those people that have accumulated world records, the fastest person, the oldest person, the strongest person, in whatever sub-categories... blah blah blah...

so let us suppose that you have a quality in which you know you are better than anyone... (for me this isn't the case, I was sitting here trying to think about things at which I was better than anyone and I pretty much suck all around. - but for argument's sake, let's just say you have a quality as such) so you're the best...

how weird is it to say... I'm the best [whatever] ever in the history of the world, no one else has ever achieved this.

that is nuts.

although most things that are achievable are usually beatable, over time - to be able to be the best at anything in the world should automatically make you rich, famous, powerful, influential, loved, respected, or any combination of all of them.

but it doesn't...

I'm thinking the one dude in the world that can do everything and do it better than anyone - he is probably going to live forever and he's probably hiding out...

he also probably knows the secrets of the universe...

so, there is, apparently, going to be a the princess bride musical...

I'm a little out of date, as this was announced august of last year... but considering I was two years late on the wicked band wagon, this is to be expected...

here's the thing...

I really love the princess bride - the movie - and I really love the book... (btw - s. morgenstern - doesn't exist, there is no sequel, and goldman is a genius for being able to make lorie and me look for it - despite the fact that we used the internet to try and find the "sequel" when the whole time we could have used it to discover the truth)...

but when they turn movies and books into musicals, it doesn't always turn out so well... for example - big, the secret garden, both great movies (and a great book in the case of the latter) but not so great as musicals... (I thought it the secret garden soundtrack would have been a good gift for lorie, but after listening to it... not so exciting...) wicked on the other hand, was a neat book, albeit slow, I understand what he was doing, but I wasn't enthralled... but then again, I like my books character intensive and I like to peel the layers of insight off whilst I read... and I also like them fun...

whatever...

I digress... if the princess bride musical ever gets produced, I'll probably see it if it is in the area...

whether if it is good or not...

"life isn't fair, it's just fairer than death... that's all."

"no more rhyming now, I mean it!"

discovery cove...

here we come.

Woo Hoo!!! We Won!!! *sigh of relief

so there are people that can tell a person's personality by their handwriting.

so I'm guessing they probably had a bunch of people fill out a handwritten personality test, and then just compared the writing...

this is, of course, assuming that no one lied on the test, and that they are writing in their normal style...

also - I would assume, they were not trying to rush to complete the exam, and that they were not intoxicated...

(Assumptions are very important and they must be explicitly stated, otherwise, miscommunication can lead to HUGE problems, rework, wasted time, and frustration)

then, a large enough sample would have to be taken, for if a small sample was taken, it would not be indicative of the true population...

because if I were to give the sample to, say ten people, and they just happened to be the last ten people I called on the phone, and I assumed that the last ten people I called was a true distribution of, say, the world... then 100% of the people in the work would be in their early-20's to mid-30's, 80% asian, 60% filipino, 70% female, and I would be related to 40% of the people in the world and married to 10% of the world's population. I would have also hugged everyone in the world.

you can see how my assumption would be faulty. I haven't hugged 100% of the world... maybe just 92% :-P

I digress... I was just looking at my handwriting and how it changes dramatically depending on the situation... when I am taking notes in meetings, it is sloppy, yet small, and my letters all run together... when I am just leaving messages for people on post-its it is very neat and straight and... when I write birthday cards it's...

man... I just totally got bored with this post.

I'm done.

so...

when you drink a lot of coffee...

and you piss...

and not that you smell it...

but does it smell like coffee?

um... cos... um... I heard that it does...

and, if you drink enough alcohol...

when you sweat...

does it smell like piss?

:-P

I just now realized that the air compressor that I have (which I was supposed to use for blowing out my water main) can just as easily be used to fill up my nitrogen/compressed air tank for my paintball marker.

how awesome is that?

I love the fall...

one, because I like the transition from summer to winter. changing of leaves and all that.

two, the weather is ideal for me. I'm not a too hot weather kind of guy, and although I do like snow, I would rather be able to run around without having to wear 20 layers. but I like a couple of layers, mostly to hide my fat, but also because I don't have to iron my work clothes to the degree I do when I don't have something covering the majority of my shirts.

three, sweaters - I can wear light sweaters over my dress shirts (see two) and I can make more combinations with a limited wardrobe, minimizing my travel attire whilst working.

four, back to school sales. just another guaranteed sale season, although this year I haven't really done any shopping, so we'll skip this one for now.

five, hmm... I guess I don't really have a five, but it's lorie's favorite number, so I'll just put it in here.

six - now I'm just getting ridiculous. but let's just do free word association... camping, grilling, dental floss, opulence, eggs, running, basements...

seven, I like seven (but not as much as three) and the movie was also very good.

I do not, however, like allergies not do I like expensive books that will only be used for a semester. why I still have some of my college books, I will never know, but I was too spoiled to buy used books.

yes. I like fiji water.

ok...

so this is probably the longest shot I'm probably ever going to take...

but here goes.

I am looking for the Akira Prism Card (Tetsuo and Kaori - P1) from 1994 by Cornerstone Communications.

I could not even find a picture of it on the net. I know it exists because I was looking for it for most of 1994-1996... in 1996 I started my obsession with gambit, so I fell off...

anyhow, the P1 card from that set is the only card that I do not have for that collection.

I have every single other card (including the promos)

if you know of anyone who might know of anyone that might have an inkling about someone who has this card, please let me know who and how to get a hold of them, because I would like to buy the card.

... end longshot...

you can program a robot.

sometimes, I feel like I'm being programmed and I spit out the programmed response given a certain situation.

so I figured I'll talk like a robot.

[robotic monotone] then I can feel comfortable spitting out programmed responses and not have to think about anything [end robotic monotone]

hehe... imagine that I really said that in a robot voice.

that's funny [to me]

if that really happened, and you didn't think it was funny, you would probably be staring at me with a bewildered look on your face.

at that point I would be laughing because I think it's funny when people look confused, especially when they don't know what to make of my antics.

usually it just means people think I'm weird, but whatever... normal is boring.

... ... ...

of course, I could just be a crazy, attention deficient [please note that this word does not follow the pneumonic device "i before e, except after c etc etc" - hehe weird [this word doesn't either]]...

where was I?

whatever. I have to go eat.

I'm hungry.

pandas aren't really bears - they are more closely related to raccoons.

I thought the maid threw out my reach replacement floss thingys, but she put it in the medicine cabinet, which I forgot I had... inside I found the tweezers and the nail clippers that I thought I lost along with more dental floss... so I'm not mad at her anymore... I was last week after they cleaned the apartment... I guess I'm a jerk-face.

in "the eyre affair" there are traveling devices called gravitubes. essentially it is a chord [a straight line connecting two points on a curve] drilled through the earth connecting one city with another. given that the midpoint of the chord is actually closer to the center of the earth than the endpoints, you would essentially be falling to the midpoint, and since the amount of kinetic energy generated by the time you reach the mid point should be sufficient enough to shoot you back to the other end point, theoretically a frictionless vehicle can travel through the drilled chord - or gravitube - with minimal energy (this would be the energy to over come any static friction or linear friction or whatever). After thinking this through, I would think that the tube would have to be a vacuum to eliminate air resistance, and there would have to be some way for the vehicle to not touch the sides... magnetically perhaps. however, it would require an enoromous amount of energy to charge an entire tube, not to mention any safety features... however, given zero friction, the acceration of gravity, and more math than I care to share - all travel through any gravitube would take 42.2415 minutes. neat.

pluto is no longer a planet. it is a dwarf planet. whatever that means. who cares anyway? it's not like it is going to shake the foundations of science, and even if it did (somehow) how would what we call pluto make it anymore than a ball of ice. it's not like we are going to live on it anytime soon. it is about 38.49 AU's from earth at it's closest and at the speed of light it would take us 5 hours to get there... but since we currently cannot travel at the speed of light and with current technology it would take us over 10 years to get there, actually walking on pluto is a moot point. not to mention it is hypothesized that pluto's atmosphere actually freezes during parts of it's orbit around the sun...

you need to remember to blink often when playing video games, as people tend to stare and being forced to blink at an inopportune time can mean crashing and burning or completing a level.

I get stupider after watch poker on tv. so I try to forget as quickly as possible that I have watched anything...

stargate sg1 has either been cancelled or put on hold... it is quite possible that the 10th season is the last... although they say they will be looking to continue in one way or another (think movie or other network)... the scifi channel will challenge any move to another network.

so, I really like how imdb has been updating their site... they have been making little changes over the years, and it is becoming more and more impeccable. I especially like how they are dropping the thumbnails nexts to the cast for movies, very helpful and convenient...

so I played with itunes a lot yesterday - I have yet to use the $50 in gift cards to buy music, since I have to either move the wireless router closer to the office or I have to get a usb wireless cardthe problem... there are additional complications to doing either, so I'm just going to sit on it until I absolutely need to do it.

but I digress... Itunes is neat - I'm not sure when cd companies started dropping the album/track/artist names on the CD (I assumed there was some database that got downloaded in the background and when itunes recognized the serial or whatever of the cd, it would associate that information to the cd) - but whatever it's cool, because I can rip all 400+ CD's lorie and I have without having to worry about the names and stuff... so helpful... I'm 5 cd's in... 400+ to go...

btw - I bought the suite of clones (dvd, dvd mobile, any dvd) they are dead useful - I didn't bother with clone CD because really, why would you need to clone a cd nowadays? if you have the CD - rip it to itunes, drop it in a playlist and then burn it again. ooohhhh.... it might take a whole minute longer, big whup. :-P

anyhow, I basically spent a good three hours in front of my computer yesterday (pushing the limit of when I have to leave my house to catch my flight on time) ripping alias season 4, a number of cd's, and organizing the 4500+ mp3's on my computer... I'm pretty sure I have some clean up to do, because that whole consolidate mp3's thing - yeah, not so helpful for cleaning up the ones that it copied. plus I have my video and audio files on separate hard drives, so I have to figure out how best to work through that since itunes copies whatever I add to my library to the designated file (yes - I know that you can turn off that option, but I get paranoid that I might lose files so I figure, what the heck - just copy everything over and over)... space really isn't an issue considering I have about half a terabyte of space on my pc...

lorie has introduced me to avenue q... as far as being on the ball with musicals, I am not. I was waaaaay behind on the whole wicked thing, and apparently, avenue q was the one that beat wicked out for the best musical.

crazy.

anyhow, it's on my ipod now, along with a number of other ripped cd's which if viewed by others would probably put into question my masculinity. to quote my roommate's former roommate "I didn't know that ipod's came in gay"

now if I could only find a copy of the boy from oz, then my musicals would be rounded off...

ahem.

...watched the first half of the two part macgyver legend of the holy rose episode... i couldn't remember watching it when eric told me about it, but after seeing the first artifact, it all flooded back to me.

that macgyver is so clever. I don't think I would have been able to make a plane out of bamboo, garbage bags, duct tape, and a cement mixer... let alone in three to four hours...

well... I should go to work now.

I used to wonder how some people can so "blindly" give themselves to a person. especially in the situations where, from an outsider's perspective, that person is utterly being used, abused, or the love is so unilateral...

I used to wonder, "why would they let themselves get hurt like that" or I would feel sorry that they couldn't find love that would love them back... love breaks your heart...

I used to wonder, but I think I understand... you really can't help with whom you fall in love... sometimes, some people just touch your heart and you fall in love with them. it might not make sense, but it happens... love makes it hard...

and it fades away so easily... hmm... I do not agree... sometimes "love" is just lust, masquerading as love, because when it is love - even if you are no longer in love with them, you still love them - even no matter how much...

love I think is more of a connection - at a spiritual level, because physical attraction is easy, it fades, and it is quickly forgotten. a flashfire compare to the slow, deep burn of real love...

but when you do love someone, unilateral or not, you will do anything you can for them... but tread carefully - because if the one that you love clearly does not love you back, then you must be able to accept that and move on. you must be able to find a love that will give love back. you can hold onto your other feelings, but you have to be careful that you do not let them keep you from having other meaningful relationships... love takes no less than everything.

or you can hold onto those feelings and live the rest of your life pining for that one love.

that is your choice...

now marriage, real marriage, imho, is the sacrament in which man and woman are joined by God's divine grace to share a lifelong, faithful union in which children will accepted willing without any artificial contraception. marriage cannot be dissolved except by death. (so no divorce - btw an annulment means that the actual marriage never existed, meaning that part of the required criteria for marriage was not met and therefore the couple was never really married)

when you marry someone, it has to be a very concious decision. you have to be willing to say, no matter what - no matter what I am going to stick with you until one of us dies.

I think about that and I am floored. as long as you both shall live. that was the stipulation. in my heart I felt it, but when you actually think about it and say it outloud. you're really not messing around. the funny thing, is that I do think about it, and I am happy with it. I would love to be able to be with my wife whenever possible... but you enter into things that you find you have trouble getting out of... (of course, there really is no getting out of marriage) and suddenly the important things that you should be thinking about get pushed to the background.

i've really had to take a step back and look at what I really want in my life. for a while there, I had no clue. in fact, I still am a bit clueless. but I still have to keep moving forward, because I don't want to get stuck in a rut. I don't want try to go back to the way things were, because I will end up doing the same things over and over again, going in circles. I want to expand and I want to grow. my life, my faith, my love. I just need to be patient. I love my wife. and I will wait for her forever. how do I show love without smothering? how do I show love without looking distant? what does she really want? what do I really want?

what I really want...

hmm...

love.

that's pretty much it.

fall 1997...

the boy had no idea what he was getting into... it was just a game to him.

but he still didn't know. he didn't know what was in store... the girl seemed to be very sweet. she "loaned" him money all the time, without batting an eye lash (I say "loaned" because he really had no intention of paying her back - yes, he was a jerk) - and she even covered his little sister when they took her along. she remembered that he liked some stupid comic book character and even bought him a few of the figures for sweetest day - she didn't expect anything from him, but there she was, giving him presents...

she was looking for someone, anyone to hang out with, moving to a new school does that, but when people, who you think are friends, dismiss you all the time, it starts to wear you down...

he was playing a game. she was looking for a friend.

somewhere along the way, they fell in love. maybe not at the same time, but it happened. he said it first (so he claims) she said it later (not too much later, but I'm sure when he said it the first time, it threw her off a bit)

they didn't know what they were getting into - they were still growing as individuals, yet they were also growing as a couple. strange, all the places life takes you with you not even realizing it.

school... work... school... family... friends... work... family... friends... etc...

so they fall deeper and deeper into themselves... nothing else seemed to matter (of course other things mattered, but not really... at least in their minds.)

the future was inevitable - it was just the next stage and it looked like smooth sailing. (not to say it wasn't smooth sailing, but everyone has their rocky waters and stormy fronts)

before they knew it, they were engaged... things were moving faster now, although on the surface they seemed almost slow...

they were no longer school children. it stopped being a game a long time ago. they were growing up, faster - yet slower - than they realized...

but they still loved each other.

she still give tokens of her affection, he still tries to take care of her however he can...

they made their vows before God, before their family and friends... and >poof< - they were married...

but they were still growing, still learning about themselves and each other... it was a rollercoaster ride... and though you can't get off, you can steer a bit...

and here they are... still riding, still steering...

they are still in love...

and there is no end in sight...

::: ::: :::

everyday I thank God that he has brought you into my life...

from the girl I meet so many years ago, the woman you are now, to the woman will to become...

my love for you has grown deeper everyday... living with you, learning with you, and growing with you - though we are apart, I hold you in my heart...

these two years being married to you have been wonderful, not to mention the 9 years we have known each other...

I thank you for everything you are and for everything you have done, and I hope that I can make you the happiest woman in the world...

happy second anniversary!

forever will I be in love, and forever my heart will stay...

I love you!