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how sad is it to come to the realization that at the point whence you thought you had just become so rusty at something in which you previously excelled and now, at that point, suck . that you never really were good that the endeavor/sport/ability/whatever (let.s just call it thing)

it is sad, right?

that you were deluded for so long that you had this image of yourself in your mind . this invincible aura about that which you thought you owned, when in fact you were more of a.

tool.

then you realize, that after all this time, you were drawing strength from this belief. and now everything you thought you believed is no longer valid.

I think that's what hell must be like...

or a mid-life crisis...

... ... ...

I've heard of people having quarter-life crisises - how sad is that.

that's why people who want to become firefighters should become firefighters...

damn the money.

... ... ...

I never wanted to be a firefighter.

I think...

deep down.

I just wanted to be right.

or I just wanted to win.

and if I wasn't, then I wanted to know how to be right.

or how to win.

... ... ...

now.

it's a toss up between being right, winning, and just plain having fun.

if you are lucky, you can do all three together.

or you can pick two...

or they can be mutually exclusive.

and if you have to have it the first way all the time...

I'm pretty sure you're never gonna be happy with anything.

... ... ...

and I'll tell santa to put a coal in your stocking.

a coal from hell.

:-P

j/k (I don't think santa's allowed in hell)

I stare into the depths my tropical flavored Emer'gen-C as the fizzing of the forming vitamin ascorbates and mineral complexes dies down...

the warm hues of the coloring are remind me of the peaceful moments of hot, lazy days, swimming in our pool...

as I think back, I remember that the pool was much more enjoyable if you were not the one cleaning it.

I would assume many things are that way.

some things are better appreciated when work is put into it, and others are not...

building something
solving a puzzle

things like that... much more satisfying if you put in the work...

clean swimming pools
food

things like that... much more satisfying when you don't have to clean or prepare...

... ... ...

if I have to cook food, it is never as good as if someone else makes it for me... unless, of course, the person making the food sucks at it...

if I have to clean the pool before I swim in it, it is not nearly as relaxing as coming home to a clean pool - as pools are there for relaxation.

... ... ...

but that's just me.

... ... ...

you might even equate this to women who like "bad" boys or guys who like "impossible" girls...

but, like watson and crick and wilkins, I will only mention the possibility, instead of going in depth about it, and then take the credit when someone else proves it...

... ... ...

I'm done here.