babiegoose.com

I'm not sure how it works, but I think maybe things that I haven't fully finished in my mind that might have been published might be less inconspicuous now as they were maybe before certain things might have been discovered...

maybe.

mind you.

which means not for certain, but might might actually be possible.

amazingly enough, as much as I do not like leaving things unfinished, there seems to be an amazing pile of unfinished things around me.

surprising? no, not really. I've finally succumbed to the apathy, which, upon further inspection, might not actually be something new.

I think I was living in a form of denial.the denial of the denial of the state.

so I am living with living with living with denying denial of the state.

of course, I know that you know that I know that you know that I know that I'm just talking out of my butt.

you know?

but hey, sometimes my butt might actually say something good. The more you kick out, the more likely something will actually be relavent.

then again, everything that comes out of most is just crap.

things seem very stressful at times.

what would life be without stress?

vacation.

but besides that, those things that are very stressful, they don't really amount to much in the long run.

but because everyone is forced to believe that every single thing that doesn't matter is the most important thing, the things that are the most important are the things that get overlooked.

people say that society is degrading. well, yes and no. There are two sides to every argument, but one side just might stay quiet long enough for the other side to think it's winning, and then come out, guns blazing.

or whatever.

life is a pendulum.

it is.

you are essentially stuck in the same spot, but you just swing here and there, not really going anywhere...

why?

because there really isn't anywhere to go.

for the most part, you are stuck here.

right here.

yeah, you can move, here, there, anywhere.

but you wherever you go. there you are.

looking for company or solitude.

you will find both.

but they almost never coincide with when you want them.

so we make due. doing what our heads or our hearts tell us, abiding by whatever morals we are so inclined to believe.

in the end, we will be judge (or if you don't believe in anything then it's just over) and what will our time on this plane have accomplished.

the continuation of our genetic material.
the passing along of our beliefs, our morals, our traditions.
the consumption of natural resources.

I can see why some people just live hedonistically. without any faith its really hard to see the point of anything.

but then, with faith, you really have to question the reason why you are doing something. do it or don't do it. it's ultimately your decision - because even if you let others decide for you, you are still letting them.

blah blah blah.

been there. done that.

on what do you focus when there is seemingly nothing left on which to focus?

faith, family, health...

you work and work and work to provide, for you family, because you do what you have to do so that they can have it easier.

you would think that if people were doing it right, then every family should have it easy by now.

but there is a reason for classes and whatever, because socialism promotes laziness, communism beed corruption, and captialism promotes greed.

humans are smart. dumb. adaptive. cunning. cowardly. ambitious. lazy. vindictive. compassionate.

a paradox.

it's tiring to think about the things that you maybe were supposed to be doing. thinking about your potential.thinking about for what you are qualified. for what is your purpose. what are you doing. and what you should be doing.

what would i do if I didn't have to worry about two things?

i don't know.

I'm too busy worrying about them to even think about what life would be like without worrying about them.

so here I go.

head down, teeth gritted, ready to get my hands dirty.

or dirtier as the case may be.

"Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need"

eh...

I've been brainwashed.

I need it.

I need to feel like a productive member of society.

I need to feel useful.

I need to feel in control.

but here's a secret.

there is no control.

productive means productive for someone else.

each fish pays a bigger fish.

and when you reach the apex...

you will see where all the money and power goes.

actually, at that point, money is no longer valuable. it is just a means of getting things done.

power is more important at that point.

the problem with power...

there is always someone with more power, and there is always someone looking to get the power from you.

so, if you were able to strip yourself of all desires, therefore relinquishing pride, knowledge, materials, power... you know - everything. then you would be what?

blessed maybe?

beatitudes and all...

so what is it?

swallow your sinful pride and be thankful for what has been provided.

focus on your faith and your family, and remember that your job, it's just a job.

you can find another one.

let he among us without sin be the first to condemn.