babiegoose.com

it was funny. funny haha, funny interesting, funny strange. all of it together. all at once.

how could it possibly? possibly more than one thing at the same time. It would have to be. It is not flat. It is not one-dimension. We tear things down. We tear things apart. We do this so that we can try to understand it. But when was anything every just the sum of its parts?

never.

it never was. the whole is much more than the pieces, because there is a synergy.

::: ::: :::

a seed. useless alone.
add some soil. (again, useless alone)
add some water. (another thing, useless alone)
add some air. (invisible, and yet useless alone)
add some sunlight. (yet again, useless alone)

it grows into a plant. (but that is useless alone)
the plant produces fruit. (the fruit is also useless alone)
from here, the roads diverge.

the fruit is useless alone, but add an animal (which is useless alone) and the fruit becomes nourishment, which is not useless because of the animal.

the fruit also has seeds, which are useless alone... [repeat cycle]

the animal (which is useless alone) has no purpose, except to live. But that cannot be ones purpose, or rather, that should not be ones purpose because one would ultimately fail in that purpose.

to live.

instead, the purpose should be one of interaction. socialization. because although one can isolate, one was not meant to be alone.

Meant. means. meaning. The meaning was given. who gives the meaning. Oneself? Possibly, but to be true, then not just one would have to be aware enough to give oneself meaning, but all. That can't be true, so although one might believe one gives oneself meaning, meaning cannot be self derived.

It is also possible that one might never know one's meaning, though one accomplishes it, over and over. If that is the case, then one cannot give oneself meaning.

One is useless alone, for there is nothing alone. If there is nothing alone then there is no meaning alone, so if one is alone, then one cannot give oneself meaning.

alone is meaningless.

::: ::: :::

but one cannot be alone.

again, the intention is to interact. though one can isolate, one cannot be alone. one cannot remove oneself into nothing. for one, nothing would lead to death. one cannot be surrounded by nothing because there is always something. with something, there is opportunity to interact. to interact is to fulfill the intention to interact. interaction leads to further interaction which leads to further interaction, etc, etc...

until death. then the interaction transforms into different interaction. if matter cannot be created or destroyed, and matter is converted energy, and energy cannot be created or destroyed, then one cannot be ended, as the energy that was once one is now something else.

to fulfill one's purpose.

purpose is given.

purpose is not chosen.

what one chooses does not alter ones purpose. although it is possible that one may think that ones purpose is fulfilled, one is a part of a greater design. in this design the details may vary, by coincidence or chance, but certainly ones purpose can be chosen to not be fulfilled, granted one knows what is ones purpose.

::: ::: :::

I hear the ticking of the clock, I'm lying hear the room's pitch dark.
I wonder where you are tonight, no answer on the telephone.
and, the night goes by so very slow. oh, I hope that it won't end, though...
alone...

till now, I always got by on my own. I never really cared until I met you, and now it chills me to the bone. how do I get you alone? how do I get you alone?

you don't know how long I have wanted to touch your lips and hold you tight. oh, you don't know how long I have waited and I was going to tell you tonight. but, the secret is still my own, and my love for you is still unknown...

alone...

alone

heart

Debbie: "I can't tell you how hard I prayed for you."

Zoey: "I appreciate that."

D: "Well, you shouldn't. I'm not very religious. So there's the risk that my praying could be taken as insincere or even an affront, which if it's a vengeful God could have made matters worse."

Z: "Well, it didn't. So maybe there's a clue."

~From The West Wing, "Jefferson Lives"

when you are traveling a lot, you find that you have much more time to reflect. Reflect on life, work, family, friends, etc.

you think about things that you thought you had already thought about but really had barely just scratched the surface.

the older you get, for the most part, the more you are able to see what life is about and what you life is becoming. you pick up the tools that will allow you to change your life, or you let it bowl you over (or go with the flow) and you allow life to take you where ever it takes you.

then you try to philosophize your way into the delusion that you are doing what you are doing because that is what you want to be doing, or, if it's not, then what you want to do really isn't something that you should be doing because you have a pessimistic outlook on the road less traveled.

I think about what life would be like if everyone lived with reckless abandon. of course, I'm pretty sure that there would be an increase of child neglect and potentially infant mortality.

then I think about what life would be like if everyone lived under rigid structure and routine.

the balance of our lives is beautiful in its simplicity and intricacies.

for everyone to be would be as if no one were enlightened.

at least it wouldn't matter.

because then no one would care.

but we aren't like that are we?

we travel to the farthest reaches of what we call our boundaries, to find out what we really want is what we left behind. Or maybe, we find what we are looking for, but what we are looking for really isn't what want anymore, because in our journey we grew up... then all of a sudden what we grew up believing we wanted ends up being trivial, and then what we want is to know what we want.

are we lost?

the ultimate journey would be the one that would let you reach the goals that you didn't know you have, doing it the way you didn't know you wanted.

to whom do these goals belong?

parents wish so much for their children, but how often do they let their children tell them what they want...

but then, how often to children not listen to the very sound advice that their parents gave them in hopes that their child would not make the same mistakes.

We are the reflection of the hands that raised us. In turn, we reflect that upon those we raise.

Depending on how clean the glass is, sometimes the reflection is perfect, but make no mistake that the glass can also be distorted, but there is also the chance that the reflection can be magnified...

for better or for worse.

we journey and journey.

because that is life.

how many roads...

... ... ...

two roads diverged...

... ... ...

maybe its time to come home...

Read more.

I have a fascination for stuff.

I have noticed that though most women can appreciate the niceties of these "things", they do not share in the enthusiasm that guys have.

be it their watch, new cell phone, new game system, electronic doodad, to anything as big as a lawnmower, pool table, bar, or even car...

some guys are direct in their approach, by calling attention to their new found item of the moment, while others are more subtle and allow the use of the gizmo to call attention to itself.

(I probably do both, but I'm more likely to be the former than the latter)

perhaps it is the desire to be envied? to have attention?

you know, it could very well be from the fact that my sister was born so soon after me that the attention that I should have had for a year or so longer was drawn by my baby sister.

in any case, it's all about me...

there are problems with having so much "stuff"

the problems include:

space - in many instances, stuff is stuff you don't need and end up never using. Regardless, stuff is made up of physical matter, and matter requires space, even if you no longer use it. When matter is greater than, oh... say, 30% of the space you no longer have matter or space, but it's hybrid...which is mess.

gifts - not that you really need so much from others, but having a lot of stuff means that no one really knows what stuff you don't have which means that if you can't possibly hope to get something you want unless you ask for it.

paranoia - when you have more stuff, you are more likely to get your stuff swiped, lost, or broken. You then become an anal-retentive jerkface when it comes to others using your stuff, so no one ever wants to borrow your stuff because they think it is too much trouble and then that takes away from whatever attention you want.

boredom - I think the fun of stuff is the actual dreaming of owning it. Keep dreaming, because the majority of the time stuff when stuff that is dreamt is owned - it is no longer as much fun as when you didn't have it. Since you have it, it loses its magic because you can use it whenever, so you put it off.

time - stuff that you own requires time to use it. you need to allot a certain time frame in which to use something , but sometimes using stuff isn't as much fun alone as it is with someone else. Therefore, stuff is only fun if you can coordinate time. Depending on your schedule in comparison to others with whom you would like to spend this time, this is either easier or difficult to the depths of pooh. (In my case, i think I might go deeper than the depths of pooh)

there are a few trains of thought which is probably how buddha came to his nirvana... but not that I would know, as I am not buddhist nor did I know buddha. Restricting the owning of possessions, trying to get as many possessions as possible, or moderately owning stuff...

it sounds like moderation is the right path, hunh?

sure - except for the fact that moderation is more difficult a balancing act than a hire-wire acrobat.

what stuff should you get? where do you draw the line? at what point do you think you will no longer need it?

lately, I've been trying to think about what I am getting in relation to whether I am going to need it long term, short term, frequency of use, and in the end - price.

then I have this list in my head of things that more needs than wants and more wants than needs...

in the end, if you try to list what you need to survive, you really don't need a lot... everything else you think you need just makes things easier, but makes cleanup much harder.

then there are things that you don't really need, but might "need" because of sentimental attachment.

I'm not one to say that you shouldn't remember the past, but there are times when you just need to purge.

home improvement is now a huge want on my list of things. it has far surpassed my desire for electronics, comics, actions figures, computers, games - both video and board, dvd's, paintball and its derivatives, rollerblading, snowboarding, sword and knife collecting, dj and audio/video equipment, clothes, shoes, and superfluous food and appliances.

... ... ...

it is amazing how easy it is to give up on the things you truly don't need when you have something (or truly realize that there are things, rather) so much more important on which to focus.

now please give me my get-up-off-your-ass pill.

... ... ...

b-b-bbb!*@# it's curtains...