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SHE walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that 's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes:
Thus mellow'd to that tender light
Which heaven to gaudy day denies.
One shade the more, one ray the less,
Had half impair'd the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress,
Or softly lightens o'er her face;
Where thoughts serenely sweet express
How pure, how dear their dwelling-place.

And on that cheek, and o'er that brow,
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
But tell of days in goodness spent,
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent!

~Lord Byron

happy birthday babiegoose! I love you so much, and I wish that I could be there with your right now... I wish I could hold you and tell you that everything will be alright... my heart aches because it yearns for your touch... your voice... your smile... happy birthday... and I will see you when you come home...

this is the length of time I do not get to see my wife.

Unless you are married, I'm not sure you could understand how much that actually SUCKS.

but thinking about it, at least I can talk to Lorie everyday... and, for the most part, I don't have to worry about her not coming home...

... ... ...

so I dillute my suffering by comparing it to the suffering of others and I am consoled - or at least I forget about it for a while.

HOW MESSED UP IS THAT?

This is why gossip/talk shows are so popular...

they allow people to look down on others and say, "hey! I don't have it so bad. look! things could be worse!"

But I guessed realizing that you are blessed allows you to give thanks and praise for that which you are blessed...

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But I still think it's messed up that it takes us (or rather, me) something tragic or negative to have this realization.

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and I still miss her...

there are very few things that top good dim sum...

there are also very few things that top karaoke...

and there are even fewer things that top eating dim sum while you karaoke...

so to celebrate the beautiful, the cute, the sexy, and the stunning Lorie's Birthday (early), I was able to gather some of the greatest karaoke talents in the land, and they were able to display their fabulous vocal stylings to the patrons at Shangri la....

here are some highlights from last night...

after eating copious amounts of food, I was forced upon the stage by the mob of celebrators, and gently urged by the celebrant, to break the ice...

and then J. with his uncanny rendition of "let's get it on" complete with authentic scream... and later with his Spandau Ballet

of course, there is Dana, who cannot be upstaged... ever... this was handily proven while singing "Part of your world" with the birthday girl, and also while singing Pat Benetar...

let us not forget the 'n sync tag team of paolo and yours truly...

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pretty much, spending time with my wife, eating dim sum and singing karaoke with good friends and family is tops...

Blessed.

Thank you Lord!

there are so many blessings which I have been given...

there are.

and yet, I am not sure if I am grateful enough...

not all the time...

I used to be of the mind that I should come first.

everything should revolve around me...

I still revert to that sometimes...

because being selfless is about the hardest thing you can do...

and though I feel that it is the right thing to do, the path in which to do it is not quite clear to me...

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where do you draw the line?

I mean, you have to draw a line somewhere...

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I guess the problem that I have, is quid pro quo...

there are just somethings that you take as common courtesy - a simple sign of respect.

The things is, there is no way that you should expect anything in return - you should just suck up the fact that the person is either unaware or rude and move on...

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That is hard...

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It's refreshing when courtesy is returned from courtesy given, but it should not be expected.

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let's say I submit to the fact that I should not anticipate any type of civility in return - then am I essentially making my mind up that I think everyone is rude?

but doesn't that contradict that you should believe the best in everyone?

Or am I relegated to an expectaction that I should not expect anything, positive or negative and believe that everyone is oblivious to social custom?

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Please note, I do not believe that I am the epitome of social grace - in fact, I probably take that which I know of etiquette and flip it to make some kind of attention hogging scheme (I would like to think in appropriate settings, but who can honestly be a good judge of that? In any case, we all know that is probably not true...) - but there are definitely times where a modicum of tact is required, and I certainly believe I know when that is...

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ahem...

... ... ...

Anyway, moving away from me...

there are definite feelings involved with helping others without the ego getting in the way...

perhaps you think you are helping someone, and the someone actually thinks they are helping you and you both get steamed because neither party seems grateful...

which is a huge reason why you should just help and not expect anything in return...

then it because an act of pure charity.

no ulterior motive.

helping to help, not because you are supposed to, but because you want to...

helping, not because you want to do something right, but because it is the right thing to do.

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these are, assuredly, not the same thing.

why, if they were, then I see what I eat, and I eat what I see would also be the same thing, and we know that's not true...

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it's not about me...

why?

because we are supposed to serve.

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then the voice in your head says, "But there are all these people that are not serving other - there are people taking advantage of those that are serving others..."

what then?

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yeah...

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal; For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Mt. 6:19-21

there are reasons for them, you know.

I mean, without them, I think most people would go crazy...

honestly... I think most people are crazy anyways...

I think the reason I think that most people are crazy is because I only see a reflection of myself in everyone...

if I don't, then I probably don't like you...

and that makes you crazy.

anyhow.

I really need one now...

because then the day wouldn't seem so long.

everytime I skip one, then everything seems so much longer.

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calgon... take me away...

...and my bladder explodes?

so there are things that we have that I thought would be frivolous, but, because we use them all the time, they really are not...

then there are things that we have that I though would not be frivolous, but, because they are stored away in a box in the basement or collecting dust on a shelf, they really are...

babble...

babel...

babel fish...

do you think that aquarium fish realize that they are confined to the one to 40-gallon tank that they occupy? I mean, they swim around in filtered water, basically in circles, until they die.

I would truly hope they do not realize this, or they would probably have nervous breakdowns...

hmm, since I've never known a fish to really have a nervous breakdown, I'm thinking that they are fine.

I'm beginning to feel like a fish in an aquarium, except, as a human, I am susceptible to nervous breakdowns...

"I don't understand how people can have just one drink." said the alcoholic...

here are a couple of things that I can't seem to control...

the opiate effect of the television on me.

I might have to start a Television Anonymous group, because I am sure there are many people out there like me, but once the TV is on and I have complete control over it, it is like I have no control...

like the TV has control over me...

and I can move.

because there are so many choices, there is always something to watch... always

or a good books...

once I start reading a good book, it is virtually impossible for me to put it down. I obsess until it is finished...

sometimes I feel satisfied, other times I am left wanting...

Then there are the things of which I easily tire...

insert clever metaphor here...

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eh... I'm over it...

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2005.

you know, a lot of people thought the world would be Jetson's by now...

it isn't.

a lot of other people thought the world would have ended by now...

it hasn't.

and I thought that I'd know a lot more than I do...

I don't.

because the more I learn, the more I realize that I know even less than I thought and some things you take for granted really aren't what you thought they were...

things are not simple.

things are very not simple.

in fact, simple usually means that you haven't thought hard enough about it to make it complicated.

sure, in a defined space, you can make things look simple - but that just means you are ignoring all of the complicated things that make something seem simple.

rules like gravity...

What you must learn is that these rules are no different than the rules of a computer system... some of them can can be bent. Others... can be broken. Understand?

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fire burns.

tree pretty.