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you'll remember...

... ... ...

from every corner of my mind, my past memories rush into the forefront.

I relive every moment as if it were yesterday.

walking around my house and up the stairs, holding my sister's hand while we look for Easter Eggs.

staying over Ninang's house during the time my parents spent in Europe.

watching scooby-doo, mr. rogers, and the friendly giant.

remembering my Lola's funeral and remembering being scared to touch her in her coffin, and seeing my mother weep for hers...

remembering deciding on what to name our new sister, and the day that she came home. remembering the sun and curtains casting a yellow tint on the family room at my grandfather's house, while I was watching tv.

in pre-school - taking naps on cots, and putting the paste in my bin because I thought it smelled good.

in kindergarten - man... do I remember a lot from kindergarten... from building forts from blankets, crates, and easels, and making bows and arrows from tinker toys and rubber bands. Performing my first choreographed dance to a cover of Thriller... learning to write on lined paper, learning about wax, mold, gourds, and baking pumpkin seeds... throwing juice on a classmate's face because she was pissing me off and dared me to do it...

picking up the Atari from the store and playing games with my grandfather, late into the night...

first grade - going to a private school for half a year and then moving, learning the word "assh*!@" and playing "Bruce Lee", "Congo Bongo", and "Castle Wolfenstein"

my first crush...

cap guns and coins at New Years...

getting in trouble for saying "sucks"

getting picked on for being "Chinese"

getting into fights

my second crush (second grade), which pretty much lasted to junior highschool

learning how to draw, to do math, to program in basic from the ACT books...

which-way books, choose your own adventure books, dungeons and dragon books, zork, adventure, leisure suit larry, test drive, maniac mansion...

learning to use a bb gun, playing with matches, playing with gasoline, playing with muriatic acid...

lighting my bed on fire

my first cigarette, my first cigar, my first drink of alcohol, my first kiss...

my first...

... ... ...

never before and never since, I promise, will the whole world be warm as this.
And as you feel it, you'll know it's true - that you are blessed and lucky.

all of the people that touched my life.

people I have used.

people that have used me.

the direction of my future is propelled by the sape of my past and by my ability to guide myself and to be guided by Him.

It's true that you are touched by something that will grow and bloom in you.

my faith.

losing it. desperately trying to disprove it. only to realize the arrogance of that action, resulting in the building of the foundation of those very beliefs which will grow and continue to grow.

the understanding the depth of the love of a mother for her children. the sacrifices made, the knowledge imparted, and the fact that there is no handbook, no guide that is a perfect fit for any mom.

These are the days you might fill with laughter until you break.

family jokes... family gatherings... family dinners... weddings... births...

remembering, even in death...

going to the bar with kris and luis and pam and stacee and denise and thai and dave.

trips to the west coast, the east coast, the south, alaska, hawaii, and canada...

the philippines, the mediterranean, japan, thailand, the carribbean...

getting motion sick in cars, on charter boats, casino boats, cruise ships, a on planes...

watching the drool escape during hangovers, prior to puking, prior to passing out on the floor of the hotel room...

in the bathroom.

These days you might feel a shaft of light make its way across your face.

meeting lorie...

falling in love with her.

over and over and over again.

And when you do, you'll know how it was meant to be.

realizing that no one has it all figured out.

that we all worry (it's like a rocking chair, sure it gives you something to do, but you don't get anywhere)

that we all cry (I still do, don't you?)

that we all are capable of greatness...

and that we are all capable of letting it all pass by.

See the signs and know their meaning.

sometimes, the sign is so big that you really need to take a few steps back to see it.

other times, the signs can be so small that they are easily overlooked.

they are speaking...

to you.

there are moments when you realize that life is never what you expect it to be.

what you think is the hardest part of life, really is the greatest...

and what you think is the greatest, is really the hardest...

not the worst, mind you, but just hard.

and sometimes, the greatest is just the greatest and the hardest is the hardest...

you tend to take things for granted, because what you thought you could rely on, what you could count on, really isn't as steadfast as you thought.

but you push on, because the second you stop, is the second you concede that it is over. you push on because you believe in what you had, because you believe you still have it...

but the possibilities lurk in the corners, reminding you that nothing is for certain, weighing and turning down those corners...

making that smile falter...

but you make up your mind, and just go. it is the decision, the choice, that is important - and the best you can do is make your decision and pray that God takes your where you hope...

the truth is, He will take you where He thinks is best, based on the choice you made... (if you think He left you behind, wasn't it really more like you choosing to stay?)

but I digress...

the path to follow will have its borders, its hills, its holes, and its turns...
it will be steep, it will be flat, it will be smooth, it will be rough...

but the path has an end, and you have a destination... you know where you want to be or you have an idea what you are looking for...

God will lead you... you just need to open your heart and mind, because sometimes, what you want and what you need maybe right in front of you...

waving flags and firing flares...

but you just see the leaves for the trees...

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but then again...

that's just me... Read more.