babiegoose.com

A month ago or so I was at anna and eric's house and our cousins were coming over for lunch.

my godson (my cousin's 20-month old son) was running around the house and then his sister hands him two dvds, Toy Story and Shrek (I think), and he was holding them in his hands staring at them, looking up and smiling and squeaking in his own little language, and then looking back and forth between the dvd cases. At first I thought he was just enthralled by the pictures and the colors and maybe even reading it.

I just now realize that he could have quite possibly been waiting for those picture to move.

it did not take him long to drop them, quickly figuring out that the pictures were not animated.

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the fact that the time required for him to realize the pictures were stationary was a scant few minutes makes him smarter than me.

why?

because I have been staring at this spreadsheet template for about an hour waiting for it to fill itself in with the stuff that is supposed to be there but is not.

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so that most likely qualifies me for funny-strange, not funny-ha ha...

and like veruca salt...

I am not a paragon of virtue...

"I want today. I want the whole world. I want to lock it all up in my pocket. It's my bar of chocolate. Give it to me now!"

except, I am not nearly as spoiled and I do not have a father and mother that will coddle to my every desire.

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I rather appreciate that fact.

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but whether it be God, life, family, work, poker, chess, video games, writing, drawing, sports...

but because of my personality type (you could almost say that I am bipolar - except more like obsessive/disinterested) I go on hot-cold streaks...

things are just easier when they come to you without effort, but however easy, that is when they are taken for granted and then you expect everything to just come that easily.

I think life has been giving me a wake up call for that last few years and I have been sort of ignoring it.

I know that "it" is not all about me, but for some reason I never accepted that fact.

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what do you think about when you help people? What are your motives? Do you feel obligated mostly? Do you feel like you expect quid pro quo? Do you even think about stuff like that when you lend a hand?

I do not know what I think about. I think the first thing that comes to mind is that I hope it is not too hard (A: Level of difficulty). Then I think how long will it take and do I have time (B: Availability). After that, I think what kind of urgency is behind it (C: Criticality). And the clincher is how important is it to the person that has just asked me (D: Priority).

Then I think I put it in a scale of 1-10, 10 being "As hard as Hell can make something", "It will take forever and I am triple booked", "Someone is about to die", and "This is almost as important as the Second Coming", respectively.

The scale is like a see-saw, with a moveable fulcrum that starts in the middle and moves toward the A/B side since C/D has more pull the more you go about 5.

The problem with this scale is that it can be factored by X, which is my current mental state.

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in any case, I am still trying to figure out who I am, where I am, where I should be going, and who I want to be...