maybe two, two and a half feet tall.
no real language yet, a good bit of understanding, but an amazing capacity to learn, and the most unblemished ability to trust...
he trots around like he owns the place, taking things as he pleases, not yet knowing the concept of other people's things, but very well versed in my things, which probably includes everything.
no sense of time, except for perhaps now and not now.
he does what he wants, when he can. he knows what he wants, the instant he wants it. he has no worries. he is not concerned for the weather, about getting dirty, about the price of gasoline, about the bills, about getting food, about grades, about how people perceive him, about his looks or clothes, about being good, about being bad...
about being judged.
about being held responsible.
about being loved.
he knows love, although he has not word or idea of it.
he feels it.
he knows when it is gone.
he knows when it is there.
he knows pain.
he knows when he is hurt and he knows when love is gone.
he does not yet know betrayal.
he does not yet know lies.
... ... ...
it is beautiful.
... ... ...
I can see the joy and the hardship of brining a child into this world.
And I think it is one of the most beautiful things imaginable.
To be blessed with life from life...
it amazes me...
every.
time.
sigh...
I hope I am able when I am ready.
I hope I am ready if I have been blessed.
I pray for those who are ready and not able, for those who have been blessed and not ready, and for those who are ready and have been blessed...
Thursday, May 20, 2004
through the eyes of a child...
posted @ 13:47 by ryan in [ From the sage... ]
Thursday, May 20, 2004
and so endeth an era...
posted @ 09:48 by ryan in [ A journey into the mind... ]
my childhood has come to a close.
it was inevitable.
I will be always be a child at heart, but my childhood is officially over.
why, you ask?
here is why:
- I am engaged
- I have a mortgage
- I have bills
- I ended my comic book collection
- I have a career
- I can no longer consistently stay up past 2:00am
- Buffy and Angel have completed their series
Anyone of these alone would not be the harbinger of the end my childhood, my adolescence...
but combined, the form the undeniable fact that I am my own responsibility.
By the grace of God and aside from a few gifts here and there, I am earning all my own money and I am supporting myself. (Holy crap!)
I never really looked at it that way...
... ... ...
you have to appreciate how sobering a fact that is...
... ... ...
and in a few years, that could possibly be taken for granted and I can ignore all of the blessings bestowed upon me and then have a mid-life crisis.
wow, so that said, I can go through life without ever really living it, if I so chose. I can imagine all of the joy and sorrow and love and pain and sunshine and rain and just skip to the end...
but that is no fun...
... ... ...
So, last night was the series finale of Angel, which spun off from Buffy, which was one of the pillars of my adolescence... well... I guess I was in college, but when you are in college you are just a really big kid with no parents running around doing everything and anything you wanted based on whatever guide rails you wish to follow that were laid down by your parents...
whatever.
when Buffy ended I was like "Oh, there is still Angel"
and now that is over...
... ... ...
I feel old now.
... ... ...
My responsibilities are no different now than anyone who has a family... except for the fact that I am lacking everything, to date, to have a family of which I am half of the main contributor...
I will soon be a husband, and eventually a father.
I am happy that I am venturing into a new life...
a better life...
but it just sucks that I no longer can be fiscally, emotionally, physically, and in all other ways irresponsible.
... ... ...
well, I could but the consequences are much more dire at this stage of the game...
... ... ...
but let us not dwell on that...
I have things to do.
I have a purpose now, but how I go about fulfilling that purpose is another matter...
... ... ...
The First Epistle of Paul the Apostle to the Corinthians 13:11-13
When I was a child, I used to talk as a child, think as a child, reason as a child; when I became a man, I put aside childish things.
At present we see indistinctly, as in a mirror, but then face to face. At present I know partially; then I shall know fully, as I am fully known.
So faith, hope, love remain, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
... ... ...
but we can still play tag, right?
... ... ...
Angel spoilers to follow...
