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I think that is what I am in right now...

everything is on auto-pilot...

I am not thinking too much...

I letting things kinda just go...

I feel like there is a loud rush of wind blowing past my ears, drowning everything out...

I am not in a funk or anything like that. I think I am just in a state of status quo...

all systems normal...

... ... ...

I think its because we are trying to buy a house right now, and we are on the edge of the cliff with every intention of throwing ourselves off...

I used to think dropping $50 here and $100 there was not such a big deal...

now I hesitate to go out to eat because I might drop $15 on just me...

this is pretty much how the next eight months are going to be - and most likely the next few months following that wonderful day...

... ... ...

here is the funny thing:

I am not that worried...

at all.

I think I should be, but whenever I think about it I feel almost peaceful.

My thinking is that journey on which we are about to embark is inevitable.

It must be done.

and when something is inevitable, it does not seem all that big of a deal to me...

If I think I am doing pretty much all I can right now and everything else is up to Him, then there really is not much else to do but just wait it out.

If I feel like I could be doing more, then I would probably not feel so fine about everything...

I could pray more...

well...

I could always pray more...

do you know anyone that prays enough?

... ... ...

"... set the car on cruise and relax..." ~The Fresh Prince

... ... ...

the road looks clear...

but is an unknown road, in unknown territory...

so it is exciting, scary, and peaceful all at once.

craziness...

... ... ...

I am hungry.

Do you people realize how much effort is required to give any effort?

In physics, there is this thing called static friction (as opposed to kinetic friction) where an object has a greater amount of friction while it is inert, and then once it begins to move its friction is less. (duh)

Anyways, this can people directly applied to effort - just replace friction with effort.

I can see that with practice, people make things seem effortless, while really hiding the actual amount of effort required.

So the effort to put forth the effort to do something could be your coefficient of static friction, and then the work could be your load and the effort your force...

and your practice or talent, could be gravity or wind... depending on if your practice actually helps you or hinders you.

... ... ...

or not.

I have not had psychics in a good five years...

... ... ...

whoa.

five years...

... ... ...

eh, whatever.

so I am currently putting forth the best effort I can to look as busy as possible, while still maintaining billable work and trying to find a new project on which to jump, because my tenure on this team is about done.

yeah. I've gotten to the point on this team where I cannot really effectively learn much more.

so I gotta keep on, keep on, keep on singing and dancing all through the night.
Keep on, keep on, keep on doing it right.
I gotta keep on, keep on , keep on moving,
I gotta keep on, keep on, keep on grooving.
Keep on singing and dancing all through the night...

... ... ...

sometimes, thinking takes too much effort, then sometimes executing takes too much effort, then sometimes following through takes too much effort, but the most effort is when you try to do all of the effort at once...

which can be whelming.
overwhelming even.

right now, I am thinking that thinking is too much of an effort, so I just poured it all out...

now I have to clean it up and refill it.

but I just have to get over the coefficient of static effort...