babiegoose.com

I was getting a "550:Cannot Delete - Folder Not Empty" error...

apparently, there are hidden files that you can see...

... ... ...

um, yeah. So there are hidden files.

... ... ...

and if you do not know what all of the hidden file names are, then you cannot delete them.

luckily, there are smarter people in the world that me, because they reminded me about the hidden files that I put into the directory...

... ... ...

please note, that these "files" are on a remote "server" to which "I" do not have direct physical "access"...

... ... ...

the file was deleted.

and do not name your director "-"

if you try to do a change directory to "-" you end up and the directory above the directory you where in, which is two directories higher than the directory in which you wanted to be.

or not to be. Read more.

time does that...

and then it pounces on you like a cat on mice... by the way...

five days...

really not all that much...

do you understand how hard it is for me to depend on people?

there are a select few people that I can actually count on to do what I need them to do...

or actually just trust to do what I need them to do...

I think I might have been disappointed to many times by others...

but there are those that continually just come through and through and through...

and sometimes it makes me want to cry...

because sometimes I don't think that I am actually worth that kind of effort...

(other times, my head gets so inflated that I actually expect it... but I am trying to get rid of this character flaw)

... ... ...

O Divine Master grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console...

to be understood, as to understand...

to be loved, as to love...

... ... ...

anyhow... gotta go... I'm looking for a specific girl and I don't know where to look... Read more.

but I figured it out...

well... a few well worded searches on google, and I figured it out...

anyhow...

pictures.babiegoose.com is now in full force... (babiegoose, remind me to tell you how to add pictures and stuff...)

so yeah... I got off my butt and did it... (gallery is cool)

now I have to figure out how to get all of the pictures from lorie's ofoto account here... I have a feeling that it will take a long, long time...

so go see the four or five pictures I was able to take of isaiah... (my nephew... hee hee hee...)

and I need to update my links on the right...

but probably not now...

I work in a fishbowl...

well... more like an aquarium.

of course, you can only see inside the tank when it is dark outside and the lights are on inside...

and there are no real observers, no more than one fish looking in on another fish from another tank, that is...

unless you count God and company... but I image the universe being one big snowglobe... but that is another story.

in my tank, I call it my tank - but really it is no more mine than the next fish in the tank, there are amenities... nothing really substantial, mind you, but they do have decently priced concessions at the vending machines - plus there are no machines tha urinate coffee into cups...

we have coffee makers for that.

apparently, the hot pockets here are cheaper than what would be found in a grocery store...

$1.25/pocket - which is a few cents cheaper than the $2.59 for two at Meijer...

but maybe that is just a ploy...

an action calculated to frustrate an opponent or gain an advantage indirectly or deviously...

in this case, to make more money.

my aquarium also has an air conditioning system which keeps everything at a nice 60 degrees F...

so in the sweltering august heat, you need a sweater in the office and you need a tank top when you leave.

apparently, I am not a tropical fish... or at least the aquarium care taker does not think so.

there is also a distinct lack of vacuuming on this floor...

perhaps we need some scavengers to keep things clean...

I will now go munch my makeshift lunch of cheetos crunchy and sobe elixer.

maybe I will try to escape to my home...

like nemo.

favors
programs
seating chart/cards
music
putting green
pick-up marriage license
decorations
pay for cake
reception agenda

what else?

you'll remember...

... ... ...

from every corner of my mind, my past memories rush into the forefront.

I relive every moment as if it were yesterday.

walking around my house and up the stairs, holding my sister's hand while we look for Easter Eggs.

staying over Ninang's house during the time my parents spent in Europe.

watching scooby-doo, mr. rogers, and the friendly giant.

remembering my Lola's funeral and remembering being scared to touch her in her coffin, and seeing my mother weep for hers...

remembering deciding on what to name our new sister, and the day that she came home. remembering the sun and curtains casting a yellow tint on the family room at my grandfather's house, while I was watching tv.

in pre-school - taking naps on cots, and putting the paste in my bin because I thought it smelled good.

in kindergarten - man... do I remember a lot from kindergarten... from building forts from blankets, crates, and easels, and making bows and arrows from tinker toys and rubber bands. Performing my first choreographed dance to a cover of Thriller... learning to write on lined paper, learning about wax, mold, gourds, and baking pumpkin seeds... throwing juice on a classmate's face because she was pissing me off and dared me to do it...

picking up the Atari from the store and playing games with my grandfather, late into the night...

first grade - going to a private school for half a year and then moving, learning the word "assh*!@" and playing "Bruce Lee", "Congo Bongo", and "Castle Wolfenstein"

my first crush...

cap guns and coins at New Years...

getting in trouble for saying "sucks"

getting picked on for being "Chinese"

getting into fights

my second crush (second grade), which pretty much lasted to junior highschool

learning how to draw, to do math, to program in basic from the ACT books...

which-way books, choose your own adventure books, dungeons and dragon books, zork, adventure, leisure suit larry, test drive, maniac mansion...

learning to use a bb gun, playing with matches, playing with gasoline, playing with muriatic acid...

lighting my bed on fire

my first cigarette, my first cigar, my first drink of alcohol, my first kiss...

my first...

... ... ...

never before and never since, I promise, will the whole world be warm as this.
And as you feel it, you'll know it's true - that you are blessed and lucky.

all of the people that touched my life.

people I have used.

people that have used me.

the direction of my future is propelled by the sape of my past and by my ability to guide myself and to be guided by Him.

It's true that you are touched by something that will grow and bloom in you.

my faith.

losing it. desperately trying to disprove it. only to realize the arrogance of that action, resulting in the building of the foundation of those very beliefs which will grow and continue to grow.

the understanding the depth of the love of a mother for her children. the sacrifices made, the knowledge imparted, and the fact that there is no handbook, no guide that is a perfect fit for any mom.

These are the days you might fill with laughter until you break.

family jokes... family gatherings... family dinners... weddings... births...

remembering, even in death...

going to the bar with kris and luis and pam and stacee and denise and thai and dave.

trips to the west coast, the east coast, the south, alaska, hawaii, and canada...

the philippines, the mediterranean, japan, thailand, the carribbean...

getting motion sick in cars, on charter boats, casino boats, cruise ships, a on planes...

watching the drool escape during hangovers, prior to puking, prior to passing out on the floor of the hotel room...

in the bathroom.

These days you might feel a shaft of light make its way across your face.

meeting lorie...

falling in love with her.

over and over and over again.

And when you do, you'll know how it was meant to be.

realizing that no one has it all figured out.

that we all worry (it's like a rocking chair, sure it gives you something to do, but you don't get anywhere)

that we all cry (I still do, don't you?)

that we all are capable of greatness...

and that we are all capable of letting it all pass by.

See the signs and know their meaning.

sometimes, the sign is so big that you really need to take a few steps back to see it.

other times, the signs can be so small that they are easily overlooked.

they are speaking...

to you.

there are moments when you realize that life is never what you expect it to be.

what you think is the hardest part of life, really is the greatest...

and what you think is the greatest, is really the hardest...

not the worst, mind you, but just hard.

and sometimes, the greatest is just the greatest and the hardest is the hardest...

you tend to take things for granted, because what you thought you could rely on, what you could count on, really isn't as steadfast as you thought.

but you push on, because the second you stop, is the second you concede that it is over. you push on because you believe in what you had, because you believe you still have it...

but the possibilities lurk in the corners, reminding you that nothing is for certain, weighing and turning down those corners...

making that smile falter...

but you make up your mind, and just go. it is the decision, the choice, that is important - and the best you can do is make your decision and pray that God takes your where you hope...

the truth is, He will take you where He thinks is best, based on the choice you made... (if you think He left you behind, wasn't it really more like you choosing to stay?)

but I digress...

the path to follow will have its borders, its hills, its holes, and its turns...
it will be steep, it will be flat, it will be smooth, it will be rough...

but the path has an end, and you have a destination... you know where you want to be or you have an idea what you are looking for...

God will lead you... you just need to open your heart and mind, because sometimes, what you want and what you need maybe right in front of you...

waving flags and firing flares...

but you just see the leaves for the trees...

... ... ...

but then again...

that's just me... Read more.

Lying beside you, here in the dark
Feeling your heart beat with mine
Softly you whisper, you're so sincere
How could our love be so blind
We sailed on together
We drifted apart
And here you are by my side

So now I come to you, with open arms
Nothing to hide, believe what I say
So here I am with open arms
Hoping you'll see what your love means to me
Open arms

Living without you, living alone
This empty house seems so cold
Wanting to hold you, wanting you near
How much I wanted you home

But now that you've come back
Turned night into day
I need you to stay.

So now I come to you, with open arms
Nothing to hide, believe what I say
So here I am with open arms
Hoping you'll see what your love means to me
Open arms

seven years.

been a long time, hunh?

I still remember.

everything.

maybe some things more than others.

I remember you. I remember how you tried to reach me. I remember how I tried to reach you.

I remember being too late.

... ... ...

things are happening now, dad.

I know we never talked...

I know we never listened...

but it would have been great if you were here...

... ... ...

I am hurting right now...

and I am trying to be strong...

I know I have support...

but...

if you wouldn't mind.

could you give me a hand down here too?

I miss you...

love...

your son

is heavy.

things should be ergonomical...

it is helpful, although at times, awkward.

when typing, you should actually be sure to keep your wrists as straight as possible, for you may develop carpal tunnel...

when I begin my career as a professional poker player, although not any time soon, I will also have to worry about this.

looking at my cards and fluffing my chips.

I must be wary of my wrist positions, because I cannot collect disability from the casino...

I do no believe that an establishment such as that classifies its patrons as employees, and therefore would not be covered under OSHA...

(if anyone can figure that one out, please tell me...)

they have these chairs at my office that are supposed to promote proper posture and the correct positioning of the elbows with respect to the wrists, hands and head...

I am glad that they are concerned about the health of the employees, even if it is only to avoid a lawsuit.

whatever.

we just got new vending machines.

a little pricey, but the convenience is nice.

although, a little patience saves a lot of money.

... ... ...

oh... I have Friday off this week.

and next week.

and then the next Friday after that.

and then after that...

and then after that...

and then after that...

pretty neat.

which really means "drawing nothing at all"....

so do I get credit for sitting there trying to think of something?

no.

the implied effort of thinking is usually not credited.

this is an inherent flaw of billing by the hour...

I can spend an hour sitting, seemingly doing nothing, but all the while thinking/brainstorming/processing, which makes my work (when I start it) go faster that if I just plugged away without anything thought, eventually learning what I would need to...

there is this constant fear of no progress.

results, results, results...

sometimes results are actually negative...

if people would only think long-term... (oh, but what about the budget?)

budgets suck.

and so do timelines.

and so does ranking people because, apparently, it is impossible for two people to be exactly on the same level...

... ... ...

whatever....

I charge that hour anyways.

otherwise, I would have to be here another hour (which I guess is what the man wants)

but I am not gonna let the man hold me down.

oh no, I've got to keep on movin'...

I got lazy somewhere along the way...

what is it about actually owning something that makes you not care that much about it anymore, or rather, take it for granted.

people who have love sometimes forget to cherish it.

those of us who use pda's forget how much we rely on it until we actually lose it.

for me, with the vast number of mp3's that I actually have, I forget to actually listen to music or make cd's to listen to music...

(of course using the mp3 player of my pda would be a start, but that would require a much bigger memory stick, of which I am not prepared to purchase)

my tastes in music is very much like my self-proclaimed add... it is all over the place.

so I no longer try to make cd for my car, I let lorie and kimmie do that for me.

I like the cd's that lorie makes, because she always gets music with which I am not usually familiar but usually enjoy... a lot of stuff from the late 70's and early 80's, and whatever random stuff she gets from her co-workers...

I like the cd's kimmie makes because they are so random that it is just too funny... for instance... the last cd she made for herself and copied for me was filled with hip hop... missy, outkast, black eyed peas, usher - you know, a decent sampling... except for exactly one song - level 42, something about you - right smack dab in the middle.

funny...

anyhow, when I first bought my I wanted to make a whole slew of CD's for the 10-disc changer that I got only because the dealership did not have the 6-disc change that I actually paid for...

I had this spreadsheet that listed the songs and artist by the genre of the cd that I wanted...

I had about 15-18 cd's listed...

I made 10.

those 10 are now gone, because I gave them to a friend who did not have any cd's at all because of some reason or another, and I figured I could make more of the same...

this was three years ago.

I used to be so anal about my cd collection...

but now, because it is so easy to make a cd, I could not care less...

... ... ...

but now, with the wedding coming up...

I gotsta get busy.

there have been a myriad of commercials promoting the consumerism that is "back to school"...

I watched and wondered why they would be airing these commercials so soon?

Actually, I wondered why they were even on at all - you know, because I have not been in school for some time now, and everything obviously revolves around me...

anyhow, it occurred to me, somewhere between bites of my pizza, that for the youngsters school starts in a few weeks!

whoa.

that means the summer is almost over. The herald for the end of the summer is not the autumnal equinox, but the first day of school.

summer vacation was always a high point of the year. no studying, no homework, no teachers, no curfews... well, not really...

it cannot be said that you cannot learn whilst you are not in school...

nope, you can learn bunches...

I learned how to start fires and get away with it...

although the first bed on fire incident sort of did not go anywhere near the land of slick... of course, that fire was unplanned (so you can stop laughing now)

I also learned how to remove the gun powder from bullets (yes, I was not a model child... but I never claimed to be)

and climbing the house without a ladder was always fun, although the getting down part... probably not one of my brighter ideas...

in any case, there is no more summer vacation for me... well, unless I become a teacher...

... ... ..

do teachers have summer jobs or do they get paid over the summer?

I knew a few teachers that got jobs as bartenders... actually, scratch that...

I knew a few bartenders that were teachers normally... I did not actually know them as teachers, because our relationship was based on me requesting a drink, them pouring that drink, and me putting it on my tab...

... ... ...

I actually do not know if I could handle being a teacher - as honorable a profession it is - I do not know if I possess the required amount patience, or rather endurance of patience (because I can be patient for a while, but 180 days? yeah... pushing it.)

... ... ...

I digress...

this summer has actually been very cool... (cool as in temperature, although it has been a rather good few months, in general) but there really have only been a handful of days that actually required me to turn on the air conditioner...

perhaps that is why I did not notice the summer disappear.

well... it is August now. I learned something new, although implementation is a ways off... but I think I will be able to chat on AIM again in a month or so... I just need to set up a box at my house...

which means that i will have to get broadband...

but that will have to wait until after the honeymoon...

... ...

In the old days people wanted their marriage to start on a sweet note. It was therefore customary for newlyweds to drink mead for a month. Mead was a drink made from honey. The "moon" refers to the period of thirty days or one month that the couple was expected to drink the mead. After the first month, the couples came face to face with reality; they realised that their affection, like the moon, would wax and wane.

... ... ...

not if I can help it...

besides... the story is just not true. The first appearrance of the word was in the 16th century. The honey is a reference to the sweetness of a new marriage, and the moon is not a reference to the lunar-based month, but rather a bitter acknowledgement that this sweetness, like a full moon, would quickly fade

... ... ...

my mornings have been flying by lately.

in the office between 7:30am and 8:30am and then, all of a sudden, it is noon.

strangely enough, however, every time I notice that the mornings zip by (my noticing is marked with me saying "Hey! The morning just disappeared!" or "Whoa! Time sure does fly") the afternoons just drag on and on...

perhaps it is the fact that anticipation actually feeds on itself... my desire for the work day to end is fuel for the delay in time that I perceive to which everyone else is apparently oblivious... (I know they are oblivious because no one else is complaining that the afternoon is dragging)

it could also be that time actually has a circadian rhythm of sorts, the afternoon trough somehow coinciding with my awareness that time has actually slowed.

... ... ...

it is cloudy outside. I hope it does not decide to rain.

It. I hope it does not decide to rain. I would like to reflect on this personification - because I do not know to what I attribute this ability to decide.

what is it?

whoops.

there is goes. [there goes what?]

my moment that I actually cared about what I was thinking about...

eh.

it is gone.

... ... ...

bubba ho-tep is funny.

but I really love Bruce Campbell...

(so that is probably just me...)

... ... ...

so as typical, yet fun, as yesterday was, it ended very atypically...

it was Sunday, so I went to mass with my family, and then got to eat lunch... it was one of the few days where eric got to eat a full meal because our soccer game was so far out that he would have time to digest everything. I, according to my character, finished only half of my lunch, requiring my use of a doggy bag (although I have no dog... currently) to transport my vittles home.

after that, I had some time to kill, so I started my laundry and took a nap.

... ... ...

naps are nice. they are at times overrated, because if you do not get precisely the right amount of nap-time then you actually wake up more groggy than before... but a well timed nap is priceless...

... ... ...

anyhow, after my nap, I was able to make it to the field on time for our soccer game (which we won - and that is always cool)...

so that is all normal. I got home and was stinky... then I debated on whether or not I should do yard work...

the debate was rather dynamic, albeit short. I listed all the pros and cons and I argued both sides.

the abrupt end was reached when I concluded that I could not possibly do work without a weed wacker...

so I must either fix the one at my mom's house, or buy a new one.

(this means that I probably will not be able to do my yard work until Thursday, since I will only be able to get the said machine from my mother's house today, and then tomorrow and wednesday will be a no good for work because of soccer and dinner)

the debate being complete, I was strangely motivated to work-out, so I did. Afterwards I ate my leftovers from lunch and I passed in and out of consciousness while lying on the couch watching randoms local channels .

I regained full coherence at around 11:30pm... this was disturbing because I usually go to bed around this time, especially on a Sunday night. My sleep schedule has now been corrupted, and I know that I will regret it later this week, but nonetheless I was up.

So, I transferred my laundry to the dryer and then realized that I was quite hungry. Technically, I only had one meal that day - granted it was spread out over two different times - but it amounted to one meal.

I was actually willing to go to McDonald's to grab a couple of chesseburgers and a side of fries...

but they were closed, so I did not. I had wasted too much time debating on if I should actually eat this late, neither Mcdonald's not Taco Bell were open (at least the ones closest to my home) as it was already 12:30am

with my stomach in a full fit of grumbling, I decided to go to the place I would normally like to go, but due to the actual distance, I refrain for times when it is more convenient or more dire, for lack of a better word.

white castle.

yes, I trekked the extra eight miles to fill the hole that is my stomach.

... ... ...

I had just watch Harold and Kumar go to White Castle (hilarious, by the way), and I was not privy to the zany adventures to which they encountered.

although I saw several dead skunks on the road.

... ... ...

the dead skunks, however, did not lessen my appetite.

These are days you'll remember.
Never before and never since, I promise,
will the whole world be warm as this.
And as you feel it,
you'll know it's true
that you are blessed and lucky.
It's true that you are touched by something
that will grow and bloom in you.
These are days you'll remember.
When May is rushing over you
with desire to be part of the miracles
you see in every hour.
You'll know it's true
that you are blessed and lucky.
It's true that you are touched by something
that will grow and bloom in you.
These are days.
These are the days
you might fill with laughter until you break.
These days you might feel a shaft of light
make its way across your face.
And when you do
you'll know how it was meant to be.
See the signs and know their meaning.
It's true, you'll know how it was meant to be.
Hear the signs and know
they're speaking to you, to you.

~10,000 Maniacs

when I get to the office early, there is a lull...

the white noise generators are not on just yet and the air is stagnant because they have turned off the air conditioner.

it is quiet.

and I can focus and unfocus at the same time... of course, I have to attend the meeting that has pulled me into the office as early as this...

... ... ...

it is a lot like our wedding...

I actually was fine... not nervous about anything, really...

until last night.

when everyone was like "We have to do this.", "Did you do this?", "When are we going to do this."...

and I am freaking out on the inside, because once I start multitasking, I tend to spread myself so thin that I cannot possibly be doing anything useful.

my bridal party is spread through the reaches of the earth... or, rather, the midwest...

my bride is out of state.
our guestlist needs to be compiled.
and I still need to make lists to send out...

... ... ...

why the hell am I still here typing?

there are times when life is like a cool, spring day. Sunny with a dash of clouds and everything in bloom.

Everything is young, fresh, and new.

then...

the next minute, it is a friggin' hurricane...

so much stuff just going on...

... ... ...

there is exactly one month left until I am married.

... ... ...

my sister is so pregnant, my nephew is practically a newborn...

... ... ...

our wedding is one month away and there is so much to do...

... ... ...

my house is completely a mess because I have not put away all of the stuff from the wedding shower and I ransacked my files to find proof that I actually paid

... ... ...

I am out of bottled water.

... ... ...

I have been so busy with my new team that I barely have time to even get this down in a blog, let alone read everyone elses...

... ... ...

I do not have internet access at home, nor do I have cable.

... ... ...

I need to get the closets configured so Lorie will have a place to stick all of her stuff...

... ... ...

I have a headache.

... ... ...

and the weirdest thing is... I am so not in the mood to play poker right now... my mental capacity can only take so much, and I need more than what I have to play the way I need to...

... ... ...

I have to go... we are getting slammed with korgo, lovegate, and mydoom...

[they are] the disease... and I [have] the cure...

by the time star trek comes into play, money is essentially outmoded.

perhaps when we reach that point there will be less use of sex as a tool to advertise and to make a quick buck.

I was going to recount my weekend of manliness and outdoorsmanship, but instead, I come to find that my blog has been hit by a deluge of spam...

perhaps by some disgruntled reader of some sort, or by so entreprenuer looking to make a quick buck by peppering my site with his to squeeze more money from the porn tree.

I thoroughly do not appreciate it, as I have spent the last hour deleting said comments from my blog.

the bastard actually hit every single one of my entries with his spam bot.

I am in the process of installing blacklist, because I did not enjoy the removal process one iota.

for those of you who are not aware, pornographic or sexually oriented material that you (and when I say you, I mean someone with healthy or respectable values) would not feel comfortable sharing with your mother is strictly not allowed here.

I will nuke it posthaste.

again - a zero tolerance level for naughty stuff - this is more or less a rated PG sight...

eh... rated pg-13 to rated R (sometimes) but mostly PG... I think...

whatever.

... ... ...

I think I will stand outside for a little while today...

with a clean towel.

I think it might do my pores so good...

because that is how muggy it feels.

... ... ...

it it not funny that when you are camping, things that would normally not fly in civilization, seem to be just fine while outdoors?

not changing or showering everyday... not washing your hands after every spray of dirt... the wonderful scent of Off!

etcetera etcetera, so on and so forth...

... ... ...

is spamming websites and e-mail fun for people?

it obviously is just costing people money, and I would assume that most people would just up and delete the stupid thing.

so what do people get from spam?

can someone please explain that too me?

... ... ...

this bites.

I have to go.