babiegoose.com

a thin film of sweat across the forehead...

the slight dampness of the middle of the back of the shirt...

the mere fact that the wind of someone rushing by is a welcome relief...

and the quiet hum of an electric fan coming from the desk of a co-worker...

... ... ...

summer officially started a week ago.

and I heard that there were record highs in alaska, and record lows in michigan.

(by the way, if the North Atlantic Current was interrupted a la The Day After Tomorrow it would affect mainly Northern Europe and it would not cause tornadoes in cali and would not be nearly as dramatic as the movie. But I digress)

today is probably the first time I have really noticed the weather being a little more than warm...

well... at least inside the office.

the past few days have been tremendously beautiful. (Especially yesterday, but more so because of all of the people being so wonderful to me) and today is actually not bad either, but I am feeling rather warm as I sit here...

... ... ...

you know.

now that I think about it.

the warm environment really could just be the fact that the air conditioner might not be blowing so much cool air...

and the fact that I have just finished a whole cup of hot and sour soup and a good portion of pad see-iew (hot spice)...

... ... ...

on another note... thanks to everyone that wished me happy birthday and to all of the people that were able to share the evening with me. you are all very wonderful and amazing people and I am truly blessed to have you in my life... I hope to be able to be there for you and share many more moments like these...

... ... ...

thai iced tea greatly helps if the hot spice in your food is actually too hot for hot...

so does rice.

Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday dear babiegoose!!!
Happy Birthday to you!

Happy Birthday babie!
I love you!

where does the time go.

they said that your twenties are a blur.

I still feel like I just got out of college.

now I am in my late-mid-twenties (considering that there are only three years of mid-twenties and I am coming up on my last year of them)

... ... ...

holy crap! it is already almost 2:30pm!

... ... ...

by the way.

a grande cafe carmel mocha works much better on the afternoon circadian trough than the hot chocolate/coffee mix... and it tastes better too.

now to only figure out how to get my company to pay for them...

... ... ...

I have proven that I cannot finish a spicy salmon roll, an alaskan roll, four salmon nigiri and a salmon hand roll.

I have proven it so soundly that there still remains half the spicy salmon, three-quarters of the alaskan, and the entire salmon hand roll.

oh. not to mention the salad and the soup that came with it.

... ... ...

it has been proven because the remaining portions of the meal sit in front of me.

taunting me.

I had my doubts about my ability to polish off a meal of that magnitude.

I should have gone with that feeling.

... ... ...

But, looking at the bright side, I will focus on the fact that I can sustain myself on one bought meal a day, due to the fact that I have enough left overs from lunch to suffice as a dinner.

of course, if lorie is around, I usually just give it to her to finish...

since she can eat me under the table.
since she exhibits a greater capacity to consume food than me.

except for ice cream.

I remain the undisputed champion.

... ... ...

in any case, it has been quite a long time since I have had any quality sushi... actually, any sushi in general.

just thought i would share that.

... ... ...

now that I have had my fix, I will go back to pounding through totino's pizzas and hungry man frozen dinners and garlic bread.

I have a little more than two months to continue my living-alone-like-a-slob lifestyle until I have to stop.

then I will no longer be engaged. then I will not longer be a bachelor.

I will be living with my best friend.

and she will have to change her last name.

and I will have to do the dishes and get non-plastic silverware and non-paper plates.

:-P

A month ago or so I was at anna and eric's house and our cousins were coming over for lunch.

my godson (my cousin's 20-month old son) was running around the house and then his sister hands him two dvds, Toy Story and Shrek (I think), and he was holding them in his hands staring at them, looking up and smiling and squeaking in his own little language, and then looking back and forth between the dvd cases. At first I thought he was just enthralled by the pictures and the colors and maybe even reading it.

I just now realize that he could have quite possibly been waiting for those picture to move.

it did not take him long to drop them, quickly figuring out that the pictures were not animated.

... ... ...

the fact that the time required for him to realize the pictures were stationary was a scant few minutes makes him smarter than me.

why?

because I have been staring at this spreadsheet template for about an hour waiting for it to fill itself in with the stuff that is supposed to be there but is not.

... ... ...

so that most likely qualifies me for funny-strange, not funny-ha ha...

and like veruca salt...

I am not a paragon of virtue...

"I want today. I want the whole world. I want to lock it all up in my pocket. It's my bar of chocolate. Give it to me now!"

except, I am not nearly as spoiled and I do not have a father and mother that will coddle to my every desire.

... ... ...

I rather appreciate that fact.

... ... ...

but whether it be God, life, family, work, poker, chess, video games, writing, drawing, sports...

but because of my personality type (you could almost say that I am bipolar - except more like obsessive/disinterested) I go on hot-cold streaks...

things are just easier when they come to you without effort, but however easy, that is when they are taken for granted and then you expect everything to just come that easily.

I think life has been giving me a wake up call for that last few years and I have been sort of ignoring it.

I know that "it" is not all about me, but for some reason I never accepted that fact.

... ... ...

what do you think about when you help people? What are your motives? Do you feel obligated mostly? Do you feel like you expect quid pro quo? Do you even think about stuff like that when you lend a hand?

I do not know what I think about. I think the first thing that comes to mind is that I hope it is not too hard (A: Level of difficulty). Then I think how long will it take and do I have time (B: Availability). After that, I think what kind of urgency is behind it (C: Criticality). And the clincher is how important is it to the person that has just asked me (D: Priority).

Then I think I put it in a scale of 1-10, 10 being "As hard as Hell can make something", "It will take forever and I am triple booked", "Someone is about to die", and "This is almost as important as the Second Coming", respectively.

The scale is like a see-saw, with a moveable fulcrum that starts in the middle and moves toward the A/B side since C/D has more pull the more you go about 5.

The problem with this scale is that it can be factored by X, which is my current mental state.

... ... ...

in any case, I am still trying to figure out who I am, where I am, where I should be going, and who I want to be...

I was sitting on my bed thinking.

I tend to do that often. Sit and think. (I can sit and spin, but only when the opportunity allows, so really, not that often... plus I have an aversion to motion sickness.)

and I was thinking, "Hey, this thought would be cool to put down somewhere."

The fact is, though, that I do not have a computer at my house right now.

No, that is a lie. I have two computers, but one does not have an OS loaded yet, and the other is the first computer that I built (which was six years ago) and I pretty much never use it, so anything I put on it usually gets lost. (Although I do know that the computer is always accessible, I tend to forget that stuff is on it, hence "lost")

In any case, I am racking (or is it wracking? No, it is racking) my brain trying to figure out what it was.

... ... ...

Anyhow, I found a whole bunch of music videos that my friends and I made in 1997... I am pretty sure it was '97 because Kris was blonde and had not yet shaved off all his hair, and there is a picture of Kris and Eric at Hamilton showing off their heads... and the tape from which we made the video came from Reno, who was, at the time, dating Steen, who was the one that brought the tape... In any case, these videos are the descendants of the classic ones made in 1994 featureing Chris E and myself, which were inspired from the semi-lost tapes of the early 1990's, starring Steen, myself, Rommel, Nana, Kimmie, Meesa, the wonderful sounds from the Korg M1, and the pencil/pipe...

I need to make these videos digital, because the mylar is slowly degrading and the magnetic information is slowly seeping away...

... ... ...

That only came up because I was watching the videos when I thought about the thing I was thinking about that I do not remember.

I heard that ginko biloba actually makes you bruise much easier... these doctors told me that it thins your blood and that is why it helps with your memory buy getting more oxygen to your brain.

Lorie likes to look in my ear and say "I can see your brain."

it is cute.

... ... ...

In any case, I could have used my PDA to catch my thoughts, but I was lazy.

So, I did not.

and that is how the story goes.

... ... ...

work.

I needed to go to the detroit office today because I am getting a new work laptop. (it is a new HP, but I do not know the specs because I have not had the chance to play with it... but it looks dope)

so I got up at the prescribed time to beat the downtown rush hour traffic (the drive really was not that bad) and I parked at the Joe Louis Arena Parking, because $5 for all day parking is dope, plus they have these shuttles that will drop you off in front of which ever building you need to go...

the catch is...

you need to get on the right shuttle.

but that is later... first comes the actual parking and getting out of the structure.

apparently they are doing some kind of renovation, because the sign that said exit lead me to a walk way that took my to the arena and not the sidewalk.

so after about ten minutes of walking around in the joe and in the parking lot structure, I found my way to where the shuttles were parked.

I see a sign that says comerica-fort, so I assume that it meant that it was going to comerica towers...

except for... not really.

it went to another comerica building downtown that was between fort and lafayette.

so I jump out at the first stop, and hike to the comerica towers.

it was a whole six blocks away!

can you believe that?

so I ended up showing up late for dropping off my laptop at the place where they exchange laptops.

... ... ...

A grasshopper walks into a bar and sits down in front of the bar tender.

"Hey! We have a drink named after you!" the bar tender exclaims.

The grasshopper says, "You have a drink named 'Glenn?'"

... ... ...

that is it. :-P

I have been stuck in the detroit office for the whole day, thinking that I would be able to connect to the network to which I need to connect,

but noooooo.

there is something going on over here where my clinet VPN does seem to be wokring on our office network...

figures.

all of this security.

first I talk about needing more, and now I am talking about how I cannot get work done because of it...

only if I knew anything about security.

maybe I will try to work that into my training plan...

... ... ...

security (and medicine) is ironic.

we create all of these measures to combat a virus (of either variety) and all we get are stronger viruses.

one of these days, either viruses will stop trying to beat us or they will beat us.

... ... ...

I have to download these forms so that I can work on them.

I missed a few last night.

... ... ...

as far as I know my train of thought is more like a pogo stick of thought.

I keep bouncing around everywhere...

or maybe like a tether ball...

because it seems my mind is on a leash right now. how does one expand one's mind? that is to say, without using drugs?

but please take into account time factor.
one does not want oneself to burn out from over activity.

what is over activity?

... ... ...

I was told that once you have kids then your stress level automatically jumps up into a new bracket that you have never seen.

kind of like getting married and jumping into a new tax bracket because your incomes are combined.

but I think they are trying to defer that "penalty" for the next few year...

do not ask me. ask my mom. she is smart like that.

... ... ...

crazy sexy cool is definitely one of my all time favorite albums... albeit old. in five years, the cool kids will not even know who TLC is...

ask some of the kids graduating now, and they could not tell you who slick rick is, and they probably have no idea who the A-Team, or that megatron was actually a gun, or that herbie hancock put scratching on the map with rockit.

... ... ...

I have not used my mp3 player on my pda in while... I did not have a laptop for the last couple of hours, so I sat around reading printouts and listening to the mp3 compilation I made over a year ago.

do you think that late-twentysomethings/thirtysomethings stop paying attention to pop culture because they are just to busy with things that have so much more weight to it? that and the fact that MTV does not seem to play videos anymore... at least nothing outside of TRL which plays the same five videos...

but that does not really matter to me right now, because I do not have cable...

hell, I barely get the local channels.

... ... ...

I have rediscovered 3gforfree.com - I knew about it a while ago, but I stopped using it because I got bored with it, plus there was not that much content in it at the time...

now it has blown up and there are a million ringers, screensavers, and games... so I spent a good hour downloading to my phones capacity.

I got through all of the screensavers, but I am only at 'J' in the ringers...

... ... ...

I just noticed that our office in detroit has about half the space that it used to have... before we used to have one and a half floors... now we have three-quarters of a floor... and to get to the bathroom you have to go all the way around the center cubes because they closed the wall that would have connected the side on which I am sitting with the side where the batch room is located...

... ... ...

what songs do you associate with people? I have songs that automatically bring someone to mind...

what is your song? as in, the song by which you would like people to remember you?

I do not know myself... do you have a song for me? ony if you knew me you would...

... ... ...

you know, people seem to like Jay-Z ringers, because there are a few screens full of his stuff... granted there are only 9 listed per screen but I have gone through about four or five now...

... ... ...

I just realize that I associate smells with people... I think I could honestly identify people by their smells, that is if I know you well enough...

well enough to get close enough to smell you.

... ... ...

my mp3 player is on random... shuffle...

kind of like my head right now...

... ... ...

"they" need to seriously work on the security aspects of wireless technology... that and any potential health related issues...

I only mention this because most of the time I carry my wallet, my keys, my phone, and my pda and my pockets are always filled and rather cumbersome... oh! and my lip balm...

So, if... I... were to... bring this baby... could I have this woman?

uh... anyhow, if they were able to integrate my wallet, pda, phone and keys into one, then I would be able to have the lip balm in one pocket, and my pda/phone/wallet/keys in one...

it should encompass digital signatures that are, obviously, secure and maybe an integrated id card so that you can go to the bar without your bulky pda/phone/wallet/keys... (but it would be hard to call cabs and get phone numbers without the phone part... that and you do not want to be the geek at the bar with a PDA... trust me... it is not cool and that makes you not as cool as you would like to think)

it could also hold the electronic key for your car - keyless entry and keyless starting, as well as the electronic key to your house - again, keyless entry...

the money would be debited from a checking account or a credit account - because cash would be out-moded...

and then everyone can get a chip on their hand or their forehead as further means of identification... if you do not, then you cannot buy or sell goods and services because the supreme potentate said so...

well, everything except that last bit...

:-P

maybe then I could walk around without my pockets being stuffed...

and possible store something else in my pockets that do not radiate...

"Hey! What about this Mad Cow Disease?"

"What about it?"

"Well, it was here for a while, then it went away. Your thoughts?"

I did absolutely nothing yesterday...

again.

it was actually pretty great...

well, nothing is a lie... I ran some errands, and my house is actually clean...

um... for the most part.

Things always look so much better when they are nice and neat...

except pasta... that would just look weird... (can you imagine spaghetti in nice little rows on yur plate with the sauce all nice and neat?)

well, I guess that description helps with the imagining part, but whatever...

oh, I downed an entire quart of cold stone ice cream... again.

yes, I am a cow.

which is funny because without cows there would be no ice cream... :-P

... ... ...

I do not know why that is funny, but I chuckled.

... ... ...

I have not taken out my contacts in a few days, and I am having a feeling that they are slowly integrating themselves with my eyeballs...

perhaps if this happens, I will not have to undergo laser eye surgery to correct my myopia (which I have heard is theoretically acquired and not inherited...)

nah... I think I can hang with my glasses and contacts for the rest of my life... I do not feel like having my cerebellum reprogrammed just to fix my sight...

we walk by faith, right?

... ... ...

oh... and Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there... and the mom's that have to fill in for the dads...

I am going to be leaving my office in about 15 minutes...

I am going to finish painting my house (with Kimmie's helps, since she wants to be a painter, but not the kind of painter that actually paints pictures...)

then I am going to go to Home Depot and find out how much it will cost me to get new carpeting in my house... and I might buy a tape measure for good measure because measuring things with my had and a nifty ruler...

not so much fun.

I like talking half days... that means less time at work.

and work is where the overhead florescent lights sap the vitamin d from your body while giving you that nice pallid skin tone...

well, not so much sap but more of a failure to generate...

... ... ...

do you think installing skylights is expensive?

there is the window, the insulation, the drywall, the wood, the screws...

oh... and the knowledge to actually do it correctly...

I bet that is priceless (or perhaps the labor fee of a contractor)

... ... ...

must focus...



must bounce...

slurpee!

I just wanted to give a huge thanks and a shout to slurpee for hooking me up with the invite to gmail!

it was a wonderfully sweet thing to do, and, as promised, I am dedicating this entry to you!

your sketch will come as soon as I figure out what to sketch ;-)

I actually do not really know slurpee at all... except for her name, the fact that she is a teacher, and that I immensely enjoy reading her blogs... that, and she seems like a really sweet person...

but really, how much can you tell from a person about their blog? (the answer is: only as much as they want you to know - and then that depends on how well the actually write, but enough about that...)

anyhow, thanks again, slurpee, for the gmail invite. as always, I was late in hearing anything about anything...

perhaps I will get more invites because of it...

or something...

;-D

I am currently subject to the constraints of time and capacity... <-- I am too busy to do anything else right now, so please give me some space/slack/shut up -->

I am not completely familiar with that and would need to research it further...<--dude. I don't know what the hell you are talking about, but I need to make you feel comfortable so I will feed you this line so you don't worry and keep paying for us to be here...-->

Moving forward we should consider...<-- okay, so we screwed up, now we need to remember not to screw up like this again or we could get fired -->

The best practice for this is...<-- we have done this so many times that this is probably the best way to accomplish this, but if you try something else and it happens to work better then we will go with that, but if it is worse then we berate you with the fact that we told you that this is the best way -->

Is that the right answer for...<-- are we *i*sure*/i* we want to go with this, because we've only talked it to death for a week and we still have not agreed on anything because these people are morons -->

High-level, what are we....<-- I do not know anything about this set-up so the best I can tell you is the basic idea, which is probably lost on you anyway so my phrasing will make it sound like I know more than you -->

One of us is not smarter than all of us... <-- umm, only if the smartest guy in the room is *i*in*/i* the group... otherwise, that one *i*is*/i* smarter than all of us... you just have more people to back you idea and execute it -->

<-- this is just a small sample-->


<-- for some reason lorie likes this song... and I ended up liking it too...

I said I wanna touch the earth
I wanna break it in my hands
I wanna grow something wild and unruly

I wanna sleep on the hard ground
In the comfort of your arms
On a pillow of bluebonnets
In a blanket made of stars

Oh it sounds good to me I said

Cowboy take me away
Fly this girl as high as you can
Into the wild blue
Set me free oh I pray
Closer to heaven above and
Closer to you closer to you

I wanna walk and not run
I wanna skip and not fall
I wanna look at the horizon
And not see a building standing tall

I wanna be the only one
For miles and miles
Except for maybe you
And your simple smile

Oh it sounds good to me
Yes it sounds so good to me

Cowboy take me away
Fly this girl as high as you can
Into the wild blue
Set me free oh I pray
Closer to heaven above and
Closer to you closer to you

I said I wanna touch the earth
I wanna break it in my hands
I wanna grow something wild and unruly
Oh it sounds so good to me

Cowboy take me away
Fly this girl as high as you can
Into the wild blue
Set me free oh I pray
Closer to heaven above and
Closer to you closer to you
Closer to you
Cowboy take me away.
Closer to you - Dixie Chicks-->

in the attempt to be as vague as possible...

there are certain things that you must not view a certain way. Other things must be viewed a specific way and then it can be justified, but only if the specific way is really the way in which you view it.

then there are times when you must just do what it is you must do, regardless of any outside factors. When you come to the times were you should not do what it is that you think you should do, do not do it, but you probably will not know until after. And conversely, when you come to the times were you should do what it is that you think you should not do, do it. Again, hindsight is 20/20.

In all cases, what you do or do not is most decidedly up to you and you alone, and the consequences of those actions will ultimately be yours.

... ... ...

I need to think through that which I am doing in order for me to know what I think I should do...

because that is where I get into trouble...

when I do not think.

and in the end, I will go with whatever I think I should do and what happens after that I will leave up to Him.

think of it that way...

I got here early again...
<-- things that I do will piss you off.

things you do will piss me off.

heck, they already do.

get over it.

I have made a concerted effort to try and not judge people...

however badly I fail at times, I am trying...

if you have a problem be a man and speak up, or do not show me you have a problem, because only pussies hide behind their feelings.

and you suck at poker...

lean a little bit closer...-->

wires me like red bull...

sobe tsunami...

I am turning into an ad for overpriced beverages...

but you talk about what you know...

and if were not for work, those drinks, and driving (and not drinking and driving), I would not be talking about much.

and if were not for gasoline prices, these drinks would be more expensive per gallon...

wait a sec.

they are!!!

twenty four ounces for a dollar forty...

dude.

that is $5.33 per gallon.

and juices is like $4-$6 per gallon.

craziness.

I heard somewhere that American pay the most for bottled water than anywhere in the world.

I love Fiji water... but $7-$8 per gallon of it puts things into perspective.

... ... ...

that said, I will still buy it...

that and starbucks...

"suckerrrrrr!"

... ... ...

by the way.

if the Pistons win by 3, 8, 9, 16, or 19 points, I get $10...

if they win by any other amount, I will either lose $5 or neither win nor lose any money.

it could actually be an over abundance of focus...

but I just destroyed two hours of my day looking at an e-mail...

how messed up is that?

the e-mail was not that interesting and it was really quite straight forward, but I just suddenly skipped two hours of my day...

I did not notice any weird swirly energy thingys around me, nor did I activate any unknown device that could possibly cause me to leap forward (or backwards) in the space-time continuum.

and although being at the Piston's game last night was unbelievably cool, I do not appreciate the two hours that was required to actually leave the Palace.

but really, I do not have any room for complaint, as I was not the one driving. (big props to Kris for hooking up the tickets and driving and letting me sleep through the whole ordeal and getting up to work three hours later to drive to Saginaw or someplace far - but he was allowed to sleep as the person with whom he went actually drove - but BIG PROPS nonetheless.)

Also, being able to go how to take an hour long nap instead of eating, and still making it back to work within an acceptable time frame is huge. HUGE I tell ya!

not only does it break up the day, but it...

well... no, my concentration is still lacking a bit.

... ... ...

what was I going to say, again?

there is something to be said about being so busy that you do not have time to worry about anything...

you keep working and working on something, whether it be your house, your job, your family, or whatever... the thing is that there is always something to keep you occupied...

then you get those moments where you do not have to actually do anything at that moment or block of time and then you can think about the stuff that you need to do or worry about the stuff that you tend to worry about...

that is no fun...

worrying.

so then you can also take that time to just relax and let you mind just turn off and recharge.

we all need that.

I know I did.

but the second I become lucid I start to worry.

about the wedding.

about the house.

about work.

about bills.

about life.

I look to the Lord for comfort, because there is not always someone else around to give it to me. This is a good thing. I am actualy glad I have Him to turn to because without Him I would be so far lost I would be gonig though my quarter life crisis.

Everyone is busy.

Everyone has their own problems.

I just wish I could help.

I just wish I could understand more.

... ... ...

I am actually buzzing right now.

I had a couple of drinks with my boy, Kris, because we just felt like going to a bar for a few drinks.

so I am just typing, literally, the first things that pop into my head.

I should actually do that more.

go have drinks with friends...

go to the bar or to restaurant or something and just sit for an hour or so and talk...

even a coffee house.

and if you feel like having a drink with someone, keep me in mind, because if I have the time, I am more than willing to give it to you...

like I said before, I would do something for someone else before I actually do something for myself (unless I am feeling tired or lazy or stressed or selfish or whatever)

I do not like just going to work and then going home and not doing anything.

I need to keep my mind busy.

I need to keep my body busy.

I need to get silverware because I am running out of plastic spoons and forks - (I have plenty of knives because I hardley use them - actually at one point i was down to just knives and I used them like chopsticks. Be careful if you do that because you can cut yourself with the plastic serrated edge.)

my hands feel kind of numb.

and I need to find the guest list.

good night!

Watchers...

The Immortals had them, the Slayers had them...

My personalilty being what it is, I do not think that I could live merely on observing others and recording their exploits.

I would much rather be doing something rather than just watching, even if my exploits are not recorded by others (but it is still a little nice to know that other people do know things you want them to know - but that is just me)...

I remember hearing a story once about this person whose car went into a river or something and the news van beat the police/fire department and what not there and all they did was capture the whole incident without even helping simply because they were supposed to report the news and not get involved, or something stupid like that...

I only heard of it though, so I do not know if it is actually true...

and I am too lazy to look it up.

From facing your failure, facing your loneliness
Facing the fact you live a lie
Yes, you live a lie -- tell you why
You're always preaching not to be numb
When that's how you thrive
You pretend to create and observe
When you really detach from feeling alive

I like to capture events, but many times when I am capturing an event I find that I would rather be a part of that event.

I want to be the one in the picture, on the screen...

[show-off]

no, not because I want to show off, but because doing something is more fun than watching it.

I remember reading once that we (or maybe just men) like to be physically active and be out doing things, but when the body cannot live up to the physical aspect of activity, the mind settles for merely watching it.

and then, if you get lazy enough, then you allow yourself to just watch and not do.

I would rather dance than watch someone dance... and if I am watching I am trying to learn something...

I would rather sing than watch someone sing, but also like to appreciate those whose voices are infinitely superior to mine... [which is pretty much anyone that can hold a tune]

but I would rather live for someone than to live for just myself...

living for yourself is nice and all of that, but I tend to find that if I am not doing something for someone else that I think that I am too good for myself to be doing things for myself...

does that make sense?

whatever.

I just like seeing other people happy, because that make me happy... but then, I am happy with other people, so I hope that my being happy will help other people be happy...

I find though that my happy might be a little to intense for some and tends to annoy others...

the opposite of war isn't peace, it's creation... viva la vie boheme

I want to be behind and in front of the camera at the same time...

I want to record and accomplish...

but there is not enough time in the day.

and I still have to pay for it all somehow.

... ... ...

I would also like to make sense.

I slept in a bed last night.

It was my bed. (Our bed after we get married, babiegoose)

I have not had an actual bed since it was set on fire many moons ago.

many, many moons ago...

in any case, the bed is a platform bed that does not have wheels, and there is nothing plugged into the wall behind the bed's headboard that could possibly start a fire...

so that is all good.

my back actually feels much better after a night in a bed than when I sleep on the couch.

duh.

for the past eight months I have gone from couch to futon matress on the floor to our recently acquired new couch to the bed. beds and pillows are quite nice. I highly reccomend them.

sleeping on a bed means that I actually slept in a bedroom. My bedroom, which in a few months will be our bedroom... (Our meaning, of course, Lorie and me)

Does anyone know how carpet installation people install carpet with furniture in the room? Do you have to move the furniture, or do they? Because it is going to suck if I need to move it.

Whatever, I will cross that bridge when I get to it.

And HELLO?!?!?

Why is it that I am always the last to know everything? Just when I think I am up on current events, I found out that I know ancient history and not current events.

I mean, things happen within my family and my fiancee knows them before me?

How messed up is that?

sheesh.

and I was told last night that our generation will get social security... although only 70% of what we actually should be getting...

whatever... this is precisely the reason you should vote if you are old enough. because the old people that do vote will dictate what will happen to us in the future if you do not vote.

ok... gotta go...

<-- I would like to think that I am not petty... but there are some times when I just cannot justify doing things because certain things can only be endured for so long before you have to just stop.--><--

you know that your life has a purpose, and you would like to believe that your relative position to the different groups to which you are affiliated is a part of that purpose. but being on the outside is not a fun place to be. but here is the catch.

you would like to partake, but you tend overwhelm, because that is who you are. so you hold back just to fit in, but that is not who you are, and not being of the mind that one should change oneself just to try to belong means you would rather just hang loose to see if, instead of trying to insinuate, you are incorporated...

but you are not.

but it is not just one group. it is all groups. it is as if there really is not a place among the masses. so then perhaps as much as you long for a place to belong, really, you do not belong anywhere...

then something funny happens... you realize that there is one other that has made the whole world disappear, the one with whom you can share your life and whose life is shared with you, and that it could very well be that reason that you really do not mind so much that you are skirting along the fringes...

but you would still like to belong...

but then you also see that there are things that bring those other people together, things that are not quite your speed. You are a different creature, because that which interest you does not interest them.

and everyone is busy, but it would be nice to see people make time for you, as you have for them...

but perhaps they do not see it that way.

and maybe you are being a bit too sensitive...

but you cannot help how you feel.-->play nice...

because if you do not follow the rules, who will be the one to set an example?

be nice to stangers...

because sometimes you are a stranger too.

<-- edited from 2003-07-30 11:59:00 - life is a popularity contest - there is no doubt about it folks - say what you will, but everything is based on the mob's perception. It has changed a whole lot since high school though - no longer are the "cool" people popular - nope, in the real world you need a talent, any specific talent that is useful to someone more powerful - and believe me, whoever you are, there is always someone more powerful. The thing is, in the real world, you will need to BS a bit, but you have to becareful, because at any moment you BS can backfire and you get covered with shit. Too much of anything (except God and love - but since God is love, it is the same thing) is not good... the better you are at balancing work, life, BS, and whatever else you need to - chances are you will be popular. Failure to balance these will make you unpopular somewhere - which leads to excessive stress, which leads to white hair, which can ultimately lead to the unraveling of the basket in which our lives were situated. (Not that white hair will lead to this all by itself - white hair is merely a potential by-product of stress - excessive stress is the actual cause) But see, without a little stress, we become lazy, and no one likes a lazy bastard, except for when they are partying with one, but afterwards all that is left is the stigma of a lazy bastard, and therefore we lose our popularity. Also, it doesn't really matter how smart your are or how talented you are, you need to have something that people can use, because that is what people do... use... I don't care what your IQ is, if you cannot use your intelligence or talent to somehow, in any way, increase the utility in the world then you are useless and useless people are not popular... -->I think other people have touched on this, but whatever, its on my mind so it is going here...

we walk around our jobs with our job faces on and for many of us, our job faces is different from our non-job faces. we do not show the office all of our little idiosyncrasies and definitely not our most personal feelings. so our conversations at work are very high level, previews, really, to the depth of our character (assuming we have depth of character) we discuss work, weather, movies, sports, TV shows, colleges, high schools, cute little anecdotes that really do not reveal all that much into our lives, etcetera, etcetera...

these are the topics that break us into deeper conversations, the ones that will identify you with that person and vice versa, because frankly, if the introduction is brief and there is no real conversation, that person's introduction is really just courtesy and will most likely be forgotten...

as in the case of me:
"[insert random conversation], oh by the way, I'm Ryan" [shakes hand]

"um, yeah, I'm _____ - we've already met, remember?"

[DOH! dude, if I remembered then why would I introduce myself to you again?] "Oh yeah! At ______! we were _____ during the _____ and ______ was discussing _____"

That usually does not happen to me more than once per person with whom that happens, but there was one guy I introduced myself to like three different times because his face never stuck in my head. I never had any form of conversation with him, he was merely just there when I was talking to other people around him. But after the third time I was really embarrased, so now I remember his name and face...

in any case, as trivial as these lite-versions of relationships can be, they are very important if you want to move up in a company that is rife with office politics and red tape, who you "know" is just as important as what you know. Apparently, the more people who know you (in a positive light) the better it is for you, careerly speaking that is (pardon my neologism)...

and that it is not only hard work but opportunities that will move you along your career path. and you need the right contacts to do that.

so impressions are very important...

but I would rather that who you know would be less a factor than what you know, whether or not you do it well, and the end results.

alas, alack...

that is not the world in which we live...

and wishing cannot make it so.

I just want to take a minute here and mention how much more I appreciate the fact that I can renew my license and registration online.

no more having to take time off of work to go during hours when the secretary of state is open...

no more waiting in lines...

and better yet...

no more having to stand in line behind a smelly person.

[enter digression]

How do you handle smelly people?

if I can, I try to ignore the stench emanating from the person.

hopefully they have not tried to use cologne or perfume to mask (usually unsuccessfully) the odor - because that is when I start getting nauseous...

sometimes it gets so bad that I have to hold my breath for as long as I can

[holding breath]

and then hopefully I can leave the vicinity before I have to draw air again.

other times I breath into my shirt as inconspicuously as possible (I usually fail at the inconspicuous part of it)

and if that fails, I hope that I remembered to leave a blistex medex or an aroma therapy stress reliever unit in my pocket...

[breathing again]

if you are a stinky.

please fix it.

if you are a good friend of mine, I will tell you directly.

... ... ...

I would say that stinky should be one of the deadly sins, but I think that would be covered under sloth...

... ... ...

Anyhow...

I do not have to wait in line now. I have completed my renewals without that added bother.

online.

and I think I am going to get some almond chicken for lunch (which I do not think is authentic Chinese food, is it?) but hey, it is yummy to me...

and that has nothing to do with anything except for the fact that I am mad hungry right now.

Did you know that your kitchen sink has a venting pipe that comes out of the roof?

Without it, your kitchen sink would never drain (not that mine is draining now) and that it is conceivable that if you drain was clogged past the venting pipe that you could plunge all you want because the all it would do is try to push it up the venting pipe...

In this case, if you applied enough pressure, you could actually push stuff out to your roof - smelly kitchen sink nastiness type stuff.

be because of gravity and air pressure, the sink remains clogged.

and the kitchen requires cleaning because of all the failed plunging and inadequate snaking. (The pipes now require a snake of greater length or a plumber of greater ability)

Anyhow, I have always noticed these pipes on roofs (or is it rooves?), and I never knew what it was.

now I do.

and now you do, too.

so the record that I had on Thursday?

I busted that record by about 30 minutes today.

No one...

No

one

is in the office at 6:00 am.

The coffee maker is not even on at this time (which, by the way, takes 10 minutes to warm up before you can even brew a cup!)

... ... ...

so I dropped off Lorie at the Airport this morning...

it was 5:30 am.

I spent the time between when I left the airport to when I arrived in the parking lot of the office screaming, slapping, scratching, and pinching myself awake.

I am not talking about screaming as in "AAAAAHHHH!"

I am talking the deep throated howl/screech/rattle of a man who is on the verge of death.

I could not stop to sleep on the side of the road, plus scratches on your arm actually stimulate you (which is why cutting torture recipients never pass out from the pain - but not that I would know personally) so I was actually not that bad off...

but I did have a meeting to which I had to get (which was subsequently moved to later this week, to ensure - yet again - another early office arrival of yours truly)

anyhow, the times when I am too tired to even scream at myself are the times when I should not be driving (although some might argue that I should not be driving at all)

those are the times when Lorie gets mad at me for not making her drive...

In any case, I am out of here early today.

I hope it does not rain because my lawn badly needs a mowing.

... ... ...

today was the second day in a row that I got to see the sun rise.

(it looks like it will be a decently pleasant day)

I really hope that do not see the sun rise tomorrow.

or the next day.

I would much rather the sun be in the sky already...

... ... ...

people say that when you start your day early, it is very productive and that it will be a good day.

I argue that if you do not have enough sleep, the day will be productive, but less than efficient, so you will essentially be as effective as if you had slept in and arrived to work late.

so it all comes down to getting enough sleep.

... ... ...

and you thought your mother was just nagging you to get more sleep.

(there is something to that, you know - the getting enough sleep)

... ... ...

move over dust bunnies... I think I will crawl under my desk and take a nap.