babiegoose.com

it pours... and I'm not talking about rain-rain...

I'm talking about work rain... currently it is my turn to take the pager for 24/7 support for about a dozen different applications... important stuff... it's really more like 12/7 since our Filipino contingent allows us to do a follow the sun support schedule...

but today... I got absolutely none of my project work done due to support...

every other second I was bombarded with little tasks that are delegated to the primary support person... little things and big things too I guess, but sometimes you just get hit so many times you don't know which way is up...

... ... ..

bottom line...

I don't like feeling like I didn't accomplish anything for the day...

especially since I know I have things to accomplish.

... ... ...

an umbrella would have been nice...

and, at the very least, a forecast....

according to ryan...

*[Saturday]12:00am - Roll over to the condo (soon to be anna and eric's place - not just eric's)... anna, kimmie, lorie, and donna... the last night my sisters and I spend together as unmarried sibs...

we sit and talk... the girls getting things ready and trying not to cry, and then me trying not to pass out...

"You said you wanted to spend time with your sisters and now all you are doing is sleeping" - lorie to ryan...

i forget what we talk about, but we are laughing and reminiscing, reliving memories... we smile, and tears come and go, and we laugh some more...

you can just feel the love beaming out of everyone... my heart is so full... my eyelids so heavy...

meanwhile, the other guys are passed out at eric's parents...

*somewhere around 2:00am - I officially conk out face down on the couch...

*early morning - when the little hand was somewhere in the bottom right and the big hand was in the bottom left... I think - anna and lorie leave for some hair appointment on the other side of town... I pick my head up off the couch for about 5 seconds before the weight of sleep drives it, crashing, back on the cushion...

*later that morning - the little hand has made it to the left side - kimmie and donna leave for a different hair appointment, I don't know where, leaving me face down on the couch... I pick my head up because my phone is beeping...

*10:15am - its eric - he's on his way... I was supposed to have the sound equipment ready... I suck... I jump up and thrown on some jeans (my teeth are not brushed yet, nor have I showered yet) and run to the basement, flinging cords everywhere, getting all the sound equipment we need...

*10:20am - eric, porta, and j arrive at the condo... it's a good thing the girls are out, eric's not supposed to see my sister for another 5 hours... I have all the things we need out - porta and j are winding up the cords for me... eric informs me that something is broke... I use magic and it gets fixed... we load the sound equipment into the hummer (yes, I said hummer, H2, that somehow matches out tuxes - a merlot - the accessories that is...)

*10:53am - the hummer is loaded and the other groomsman are already at my house and loading the other cars to go to the reception hall.

*11:02am - we get back to my house... I still have not showered or brushed my teeth... the cars are loaded, I say hi to my mom, my lolo, my aunt and my godmother and we bounce out to McDonald's... anna and eric's first date and eric's last meal as a single man...

*11:14am - arrive a mickey d's - grab our food, say a prayer and munch... let the reminiscing begin again... eric's first house meeting at mckinley (he was late, the rest of the house throws on all of eric's clothes a la Joey Tribiani - as felipe what he did)... reno's present on the driveway... the mckinley kitchen, fridge, basement, bananas, rice cooker, and house mouse... the desparate choice of heat in the winter or espn... the death of corundum, his resurrection, and disappearance off the porch (thank gary g)... philippe breaks a 16 year mcdonald's fast for the love of eric... I cannot finish my mcchicken, because the fries and the filet-o-fish have cluttered my stomach... but I still eat my pie...

*11:40am - call from connie and chrissy - eric locked the condo when he shouldn't have... we had to let them in to change... then we shoot down to the reception hall...

*11:55am - eric and I arrive at the hall in the hummer and met up with kim d and denise... we start to unload the sound equipment... the other guys show up, they unload the desserts and help me set up the speakers...

*12:20pm - eric and gary forgot the keyboard - eric and porta run back to the condo to get it, kim d runs to the store for batteries and stuff, I am sending the boys around the hall with the wireless mics, doing sound checks...

*12:43pm - eric and porta are back with the keyboard... alvin, j, philippe, porta, and chris are sent back to the condo to get ready... I get a call from my mom - she needs my shoe polishing kit for my lolo... she can't find it, I don't have time to remember where, so I tell her I will look for it when I stop in for a second on the way back to the condo... I finshing balancing the mic, the keyboard, and the speaker set up... we are good to go...

*1:10pm - we arrive at my house, again, and I run around looking for the shoe polishing kit... I find it... we are ready to head back to the condo, but we realize that the girls are changing there - so I call anna to make sure she's not there...

anna: "hello?"

ryan: "hey... are you at the condo?" [as step into the hummer]

a: "no."

r: "are you going to be changing there?" [eric is sitting in the drivers seat, waiting for me to close the door]

a:"no, I'm changing at home.."

r:"WHAT?!? WHERE ARE YOU?"

a:"I'm on 16 and Van Dyke"

r:[to anna]"SLOW DOWN!!! [to eric]GO GO GO GO GO!!!"

a:"hunh? what do you want me to do"

r: "SLOW DOWN"

eric:"What's going on?!?"

r: "GO GO GO!!! She's almost here!!!"

gary: "Just drive!!!"

r: "uh, we're, uh go go go, don't, uh, gotta go!!!"

click...

whew...

*1:30pm - eric's condo - kimmie, donna, connie, chrissy, eric, porta, chris, J, alvin, gary, and kimmie's friends... all getting ready... eric jumps in the shower... I get to brush my teeth, finally, in the downstairs bathroom... amidst all the makeup and hair and dresses and tuxes and just stuff lying around...

*1:57pm - slowly we all leave the condo for the church...

*2:15pm - at the church, we hustle eric to the social hall, opposite side of the church to the bridal sweet... the groomsmen and bridesmaids are running around, getting things together... eric is crying, again...

*2:25pm (I think) - anna arrives at the church with my mom... the moment my mother steps into the bridal sweet she starts bawling... this, as always, sets off a chain reaction that begins with my sisters, then my cousin, steen, and whoever else is in the room... thoroghly destroying any make-up previously applied...

*2:40pm - people are asked to take their seats, the bridal party, sponsors, etc. are all lined up - eric and the groomsman say a little prayer before heading out to the hall... I am given a pack of starbursts to bribe my cousin's son, gabriel - the ring bearer, into behaving... quite successfully, I might add...

*3:00pm - the procession starts, the sponsors, the grandparents, eric and his parents, the flower girls, the ring bearer, the coin bearers, the bridal party...

then...

*3:04pm - my sister and my mother, walking down the nave... I almost lose it... everyone else is not so lucky... kleenex must love marriages...

the mass - the typical Catholic Mass with the typical Filipino traditions - the veil, the cord, etc...

the vows - after a brief memory lapse, eric pulls through his vows - and the floodgates are creeping open... anna tears them down, and I almost lose it again - there must have been dust or something in the air... everyone else, I mean everyone, fails miserably, especially the groomsmen...

the exit - the cheers could have filled the flavian amphitheather...

*4:06pm - pictures - everywhere around the church - in front of the altar, in the gazebo, in/on/around/in front of the hummer... everywhere

*5:28pm - pictures are done, errands must be run, and the reception hall is the final destination...

*6:00pm - lorie and I arrive - the last of the bridal party - and we enter the hall... I officially lose track of time... alvin and I are mistaken for each other... again...

the receiving line - the entire bridal party, meeting all of the guests... very long, and a lot of "Congratulations!" from people I never met... why are they congratulating me? I would rather they just said "Hi" and went on their way... except when I knew them... then it was a hug or a kiss or both and a nice little conversation... my first (of many) vodka tonics occur here...

the introduction of the bridal party - we all file out and line up, again, and are introduced to the guests, again... frank, harry, and nora are being played by the dj in the background... we all make silly poses in front of the camera... and anna and eric strut in and dip to the bull's entrance theme to a very boisterous and affectionate ovation...

the prayer for my late father, ninang, cousin, and eric's late uncle and cousin...

then the grace before the meal...

and dinner... eh... no big deal... not very hungry...

no clinking of the glasses though, but singing and poetry and any other expression to get the newly weds to kiss... amit's wonderful world and brian babbs' stepping to the rhythm (and the rhythm is passion)...

then the maid of honor speech, which kimmie so sweetly delivered to her ate... and the most unforgettable best man speech in which gary g so eloquently roasted eric...

at this point, love has filled this huge hall over-full...

then the DANCING... oh my goodness, was there dancing...

to the mother and son dance...

to the mother and daughter dance...

to the big band and jazz to hip hop to line dancing to 80's to 90's

to 2XS and funktion tearing off the roof like a nuke...

to the tossing of the $20 best buy gift certificate boquet and garter belt

to anna and eric dancing in the circle of friends...

to the biggest and best group hug in the history of the world...

to the mass call to do the running man...

to the requests to get so drunk you'd go blind...

... ... ...

imagine the most fun you've ever had...

now imagine the most loved you've ever felt...

now add them together and multiply that by infinity...

and you will still have no idea how much fun and love was there that night...

*[now Sunday]12:30am - I am passed out head down on a table... I am gently awakened by my loving finacee... I have to load up my sound equipment now... anna and eric are leaving... and the party is moving to the hotel...

*between 2:00am - 4:00am... I don't remember much...

*4:00am - 9:15am.. I don't remember anything at all...

but I woke up just in time to get to the 9:30am Mass... slept enough to play at my 1:00pm soccer game... and was able to take lorie and my ninang out to dinner and still had time to watch Underworld...

madness...

I am sure I must have left something(s) out... if you remember... please enlighten me...

but like it says...

according to ryan...

to my sister...

dearest anna,

you have reached the end of the beginning road of your life. your life has now started down the middle road. you have been joined with a man, and the two of you, as one, must travel your path.

I have no doubt the guidance and support you have gleaned from your journeys through the road of your beginning will be a sturdy foundation from which you will be able to build you life. You are intelligent, you are capable, you are strong, and you have the support of a loving family - and that is how it will be always. And your faith in the Lord will carry you through everything.

You are no longer a child, you have not been for quite so time, but even with respect to your husband - your decisions are still yours. Remember, whatever you tolerate (within your ability to change - of course)- you deserve... lose yourself in your love, but do not lose yourself...

Things change, but it is the memories onto which we hold that makes us who we are... you have those memories, and no matter how near or far we are, we will always share those memories, and the new memories which will be made in new places with more people that share the love that we share...

things are only going to get better...

for everyone.

You have a husband now, and after God, he will be the first thing in your life... the two have become one, and the sum is truly greater than its parts... he will be there, selflessly, with constant love, with understanding, with patience, with his faith... because, after God, you will be the first thing in his life... and I do trust him and I believe that he will be a good husband and father...

but my door will forever be open to you and the family that you have begun to create...

he is a good find, but you are a better one...

love...

ny

... ... ...

to my brother(-in-law)...

dearest eric...

we have been through so much, and have accomplished so many things...

you have found a place in our family and in my heart... my motivator, my backup, my partner in crime...

my new brother...

there is so much to say that has and hasn't been said...

but...

only one thing sticks in my head...

you better not make a liar out of me...

love,

ryan

... ... ...

I love you two!

you will be happy together...

because I said so...

I must recuperate...

too much fun can wipe you out...

I will regale the exploits of the previous night when I have more time...

hands down the greatest wedding I have ever attended and had the pleasure of being a part...

I have a soccer game later today too, so I really must sleep...

today, my sister will be getting married.

giants steps for any couple.

it was what we thought...

it was what we expected..

it was what we knew...

the great decision that many take lightly, but anna and eric will not...

for the last week anna has been running busily around doing her wedding things, and doing alot of crying.

her room is mostly empty. she has moved out. and after tonight, her permanent mailing address will no longer be the same as mine.

she must be grown up now, because this is for real.

it touches me to see the love and support they have from the many friends they have made and moved throughout the years. all of the people excited to see them completely commit to each other.

gotta go... I'll finish this in another entry when they are already married...

congratulations to Chrissy for winning the first annual poker tournament - Troy to Texas we called it, although it did not take place anywhere near the Mediterranean...

Alas... I did not win... I was eliminated by the Poker Mistress and was relegated to third place...

I went all in with kings over her 8's and she catches her kicker 6's on the turn...

Can you believe that?

and to make matters worse... she kills Eric who is has Ace's off the flop with a high kicker, and Chrissy with her Ace's off the flop and a 2...

they go up there river and the 2 drops...

crazy.

Not to mention the fact that the only two girls that were gracious enough to play made it to the final table.

and one wins it...

now girls will think that can just push us around like some cart...

er... or something...

anyhow, we played our brains out and it was a great night...

I learned my tells and figured out most everyone elses...

thanks to all for making it such a great tourney... pooh on those who didn't make it and should have... and big props to Rob and Ellen for letting them use their place to make all the noise we wanted...

I am spent...

all my emotion and energy has been sucked dry... the rollercoaster ride of the night has brought me home, to my ever comforting bed...

I must wake up in 5 hours...

see...

me...

pass...

out...

hold'em...

the game that has captivated my group of friends since college, and then turned into obsession after Rounders...

after watching the world series of poker, world poker tournament, etc...

we have moved from our $10 weekly game to a full blown tournament.

(just one of the several projects on which Eric and I have been blessed with working...)

We even made our own folding, felted, albeit heavy, poker table top...

we actually were going to make two, but even though the $30 it cost for materials is half of what a professionally made table top would cost, the time that it took us to make it - keeping in mind our hourly rate from our salaries - was not worth us making another. So Eric bought the other one...

And then Alvin went and bought one too... so we are more than set for this tournament...

I'm excited...

20 people...

$30 each...

6 hours...

and me...

as champion...

it's inevitable.

hahahahahahaha....

bring it...

"there'll be time enough for counting, when the dealing's done..."

I am not a good golfer...

in fact, I think I'm very bad.

Over the past couple of weeks, however, I have found myself doing something relating to this [insert choice adjective here] sport.

...

I eat food with chopsticks - not all food mind you, but always with Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese, Thai... (I still rock the spoon and fork or kamayan for everything else)

...

somehow, my hand has developed a cramp from golfing which is affecting my ability to use chopsticks.

I don't like not being able to do things I normally wouldn't have to think about.

This cramping of the hand must stop.

you do realize that this could easily be a ploy for me to have an excuse ready when I get my ass handed to my by the golf couse.

golf courses, by the way, are very wasteful and bad for the environment. The amount of water used to water golf courses could irrigate a third world country and the amount of chemicals used to maintain the grass could fertilize said third world country...

but hey, as longs as wasps control the government, as long as there are doctors and businessmen, there will always be golf courses...

perhaps we can have a themed golf course, say, in the middle of a paintball field, so you would have to play amidst a barrage of flying pellets filled with fish oil based dye.

PPE is a must, of couse.

but I digress...

...

I will be golfing, probably for my last time this year on Friday morning - this will be the last time I will golf with my friend Eric, because after Saturday he will be my brother (in-law, but my brother nonetheless). I would expect that my problems with my hand will be resolved after about a week of not touching my golf clubs...

in the meantime, I will continue to struggle with my chopsticks, looking foolish while eating my pho, dim sum, pad se-ew, or sashimi.

of course...

I probably look foolish, regardless.

(especially while golfing)

I am surrounded by pseudo-walls that pseudo-cover me from the people who, like me, are pseudo-working...

it's hard, because I'm facing the pseudo-hallway everyone uses, so I catch people going to the kitchen one way, and going to the bathroom the other way...

this does not help my concentration. everytime someone walks by, my head instinctively goes up. you average 1 person every three minutes, you're talking about a lot of head bobbing...

also, I get paranoid, because I can't tell when people are watching me... this is the first time I am exposed from so many angles...

I have no decent sight lines, especially since I'm short and have adjusted my chair very low... (this is used to facilitate sleeping, although that cannot happen in my current position)

arrggghhh.... I need to finish this pseudo-code, because it is required in my design...

it's making me pseudo-psycho...

... ... ...

Meyer Briggs's something or other personality result...

ENFP or ESFP

You should find out what it is. I won't link you because I had to figure out what it was by myself... (that, and I lost the link...) I took several tests, like 4 - and I've come up with the two listed...

... ... ...

check out my Productivity Concerns

I am much busier and more productive now...

I have to work later to not feel as guilty though...

in less than one week, my sister...

my fourteen month younger sibling, with whom I have laughed, cried, argued, mourned, fought, helped, been helped by, and accomomplished...

will be getting married...

this has brought forth torrents of emotions that have been lurking just below the surface, not to mention a flurry of activity within my own mind...

things are constantly shifting, in lives that are always changing, and movements are made with respect to that which immediately affects us...

things change as people change, but do not let these things change you...

be true to yourself...

once you start lying to yourself, nothing you do has foundation, and therefore whatever you have built will not withstand the test of time and life...

whatever you do, don't worry about what the rest of the world thinks...

just so long as you know in your heart that what you are doing is right, God will handle the rest...

do not let other people get you down...

do not let other people control you...

it is your life.

you only have one.

and the choices that will affect you the most are the ones you make, so do not let other people make them for you.

other people do not have power over you unless you choose to let them...

instead, take what knowledge you can obtain, and make that decision for yourself...

if your head can't tell you, then pray about it and go with what's in your heart...

the easy way is not always (usually more not always than often) the right way...

if you try to make a decision that will please everyone, more often than not, you will please no one, least of all, yourself...

things are constantly shifting, in lives that are always changing, and movements are made with respect to that which immediately affects you...

God gave us free will...

make sure that you are the final say in the choices that are presented to you.

"Faith makes it possible, not easy."

*my 10 cents... my 2 cents are free...*

babiegoose...

whatever hardships you are going through...

whatever pain you suffer...

whatever problem or puzzle or peril...

I will face it with you...

I will share in that pain...

I will help you in anyway that I can...

I am here...

With all that I can, I will bring you joy...

All that I have, I will give you...

And with all that I am, I will protect you...

we are intertwined...

we are connected on a level deeper than the deepest ocean trench or rocky canyon...

we are one with each other...

and soon we will be one in the eyes of God...

I profess this, my love for you, in any and every way imaginable...

To you...

To the world..

To the Lord...

my light.

my muse.

my heart.

my fire.

my everything.

this is my promise...

and, if He will grant, so shall it be...

until the end of forever...

love,

babiegoose...

I got back from Suzanne's a little bit ago, (she's my stylist/friend for the last 8 years or so), with Anna for her practice run before her big day...she is going to be the most beautiful bride ever...breathtaking....and Eric is going to have a heart attack when he sees her...so we were talking there and I was telling them how I'm not gonna cry (but how Suzanne should use waterproof eye make-up on me in case I get "splashed with water")...goodness, what a joke...I am so gonna cry...trust me, it doesn't even take much to make me cry...happy or sad, it doesn't matter, I cry at anything...anyways, I was driving home afterwards, and I was getting teary eyed thinking about it...how happy I am for them...how much they've grown since I've met them...they've become family to me somewhere along the way...and I love them both so much and I wish them a lifetime of happiness...okay...I'm stopping now because I'm tearing up again and my dog is looking at me funny...

it's gonna be a long night...

come again another day...

I washed my car just yesterday...

it's raining.

poop.

at least it's not just a sprinkle, and the water is still beading because of the wax, so it won't be so bad.

I hope.

... ... ...

it's raining, it's pouring,

the old man is snoring.

he went to bed

and he bumped his head

and he couldn't get up in the morning.

probably got a concussion...

shouldn't have fallen asleep...

poor fool.

I'm all alone tonight.

but it's actually pretty nice.

but then my mind starts to drift. (and I should be doing my laundry.)

so I grab a clove and I sit on my front porch, and I am reminded of the time when I used to sneak out of my house every night and hang out with my best friend in high school.

the smell of the night air, the cool breeze blowing, the faint musk of skunk, and the sounds of the cars driving by... bring back memories.

I think of my old friend and the life he could possibly be living right now.

and I want to say "Thank you"

Thanks for all of the nights, when we did absolutely nothing and loved it. searching for our friends in the area, for a place to chill, and not finding it, for the laughter and the fun, for trying to sneak our girlfriends out of their houses, for trying to sneak ourselves into bars and clubs...

for the memories.

then I start to think of all the people who have touched my life and have always been there for me.

to the loyal - the friend who always was there, for no reason at all except to be there.

to the shadow - the friend whom I could hide and under whom I could hide.

to the scaffold - the friend whom I helped build and who helped me reach farther.

to the motivation - the friend who always gave me a reason to go farther with that which I had, and to actually use it.

to the light - the friend who was there to show me the way.

to the net - the friend who was always there to rescue me.

to the muse - the friend who is my inspiration and source of my dreams

to the heart - the friend who helped me look into my own to see the beauty of the life around me.

to the fulcrum - the friend who helped my find my center

to the ballast - the friend who brings balance to my life

to the blanket - the friend who is my armor and my comfort

to the mirth - the friend who could always keep me smiling, through the good and the bad.

to the mirror - the friend who always revealed me to myself and was always my complement

... ... ...

to the forebear - the friend I never appreciated while he was here, and now that he is gone, the friend into whom I find my self becoming.

to the origin - the friend that never wavers, that never takes, and yet gives all she can, unconditionally and without question and who posseses my deepest and utmost respect.

to the fellow scions - the friends I take for granted and yet deeply appreciate, who help me laugh and make me cry, whose hands I hold and whose hands hold mine all througout our lives...

to my fire - the friend for whom I was searching without knowing, whom I found without realizing, whom I miss without leaving, and whom I cherish more deeply than I thought I ever could...

to my Lord - the Friend whom I questioned, and yet provided me with all the friends, with all, I could need. The Friend whom I sometimes forget and yet who never forgets me. The Friend to whom I owe everything and yet needs nothing from me. The Friend whom I some times take for granted and yet loves me more than I could possibly love anyone.

Thank you, all of you.

for the feelings and the memories...

for the joy and the pain...

for the past...

for the present...

for the time to come...

I am nothing without you.

the more I think I thought I was alone...

the more I find that I was never alone...

that I am not alone...

and that will never be....

alone.

for every action there is an equal an opposite reaction.

in my case, for every instance I wash my car, there is a downpour with in the next 48 hours - rendering any car washing pointless.

I really should look at the 5-day forecast... at least then I should know if I have a shot at having a nice, clean car for a week...

my luck, the sixth day will be all wet...

Colonel Mustard: Wadsworth, am I right in thinking there is no body else in this house?

Wadsworth: Ummm, no.

Colonel Mustard: Then there is someone else in this house?

Wadsworth: No, sorry. I said no meaning yes.

Colonel Mustard: No meaning yes? Look I want a straight answer, is there someone else, or isn't there? Yes or no?

Wadsworth: Ummm, no.

Colonel Mustard: No there is, or no there isn't?

Wadsworth: Yes.

... ... ...

Colonel Mustard: Well, there is still some confusion as to whether or not there is anybody else in this house.

Wadsworth: I told you there isn't!

Colonel Mustard: There isn't any confusion, or there isn't anbody else?

Wadsworth: Either, or both!

Colonel Mustard: Just give me a clear answer!

Wadsworth: Certainly! [clears his throat] What was the question?

Colonel Mustard: Is there anybody else in the house!

All: NO!!!

I made little tweaks to the site... if you noticed before, if someone left a comment and you tried to hit that link, it would open up in that little screen...

I fixed that...

Also, I moved around the links I have on the side... I got tired of opening up blogs that haven't been updated...

So, I fixed that...

I also cleaned up some of the code...

But you probably won't notice that...

I also added a story I got from Slurpeekiss to the "About Us" section...

I still have to add a few more links of the other sites that I read all the time... and I'm still trying to track down all of my friends' sites, except I'm afraid that I don't have any...

time.

I like Clue... it's a great movie...

No matter how boring, it is decidedly not a good idea to fall asleep in front of your senior manager while he is giving a presentation...

so next time.

I will load up on caffeine, and not sit in the front row right in front of him...

It's hard to make good eye contact when your eyes are half closed... and those atomic hammer head jerks... probably not such an impressive manuever either.

but it was boring and given in a dull tone...

and you have to wonder why he would give it during the period when everyone will be in their most food comatose states?

and circadian rhythm... (that's why nap time is around that time)

silly people.

every now and then, I get a little bit overwhelmed (although I have never acutally whelmed) and I panic.

It kind of happens all at once... you know, panicking.

In that instant, I feel like I've lost all control (or the control I believed I had - because no one really controls anything... but that's something to talk about later)

anyways, all of the knowledge and instinct within me, all of the faith and hope I feel, all of the courage and strength I possess, everything...

it is stripped away...

it's probably the worst feeling I have ever felt, but due to its short presence, it is always something from which I can recover and promptly forget...

you mind always finds ways to block bad memories - or at least mask them...

but whenever I panic, it is the same thing every single time...

It is over within a split second, but that second feels like an eternity...

"Theory of Relativity: Grab hold of a hot pan, second can seem like an hour. Put your hands on a hot woman, an hour can seem like a second. It's all relative."

In that moment, my head feels like it has fallen off and my mind is wiped. Adrenaline floods my system, and there is a roar like the sound of a waterfall in my ears. Heat rises with the flushing of red on my face, and my palms start to sweat. The bottoms of my feet start to tingle as my body begins to personify "anxiety"...

Straight up... it sucks...

Terrible, horrendous, abominable, awful, horrible, repulsive, foul, hideous, dreadful, no-good, very bad day type feeling...

You know...

Then, something kicks my head back into place, and I handle it...

"There. Take that bitch..."

That's what I say in my head to the panic.

It's gone.

The adrenaline recedes, my body relaxes, and I quickly begin to forget how shitty that just felt...

soon... I feel right as rain, and I start to remember that I don't believe in any of that panic crap...

until it hits me again...

(next month when I get the bills again...)

(or tomorrow morning when I wake up late for work... again...)

go figure...

Deaf Child in Area...

I had no idea that deaf children were so lethal that there would have to be a warning of the impending danger that will befall us from the deaf child...

and you thought you just had to beware of the dog!

Or is it that the warning is intended for the deaf child?

That would make more sense to me - since deaf children can at least read (to speak they have to sign...) Warning the deaf child that there are fast cars in the area that make a lot of noise, or perhaps have such bright lights that they will become blind if they remain in the vicinity...

So to all you deaf children out there.... as the sign says "Caution!"

... ... ...

Slow Children Playing...

Now why would you annouce that your child is slow? Isn't burden enough to know you are not quite as fast as the other children? If all of the other childhood drama and angst weren't enough, now the city is announcing it to all oncoming traffic!

Self-esteem people!

... ... ...

I love courtside tickets!!! I firmly believe that everyone should experience courtside at least once in their lives! Woo hoo!!!

what's the point of having an unarmed security guard?

To call the police if armed theives try to steal stuff from the place you are "guarding", right?

Ok.

So then, lets say armed theives come, you obviously aren't going to die for whatever it is you are guarding if you are only making maybe $10/hour and it's not like you are protecting valuable works of art or helpless children, so you call the cops.

The cops don't show.

So I restate - what's the point of having an unarmed security guard?

I guess it would be to scare off the unarmed theives...

I say, invest in a nice fence with a big lock and razor wire, and save yourself on the security guard. We would want any one dead over something stupid, right?

(I suppose we wouldn't want anyone dead at all... hunh?)

PM Dawn... Seal... Paper Boy... East 17... Green Day... House of Pain... Tool... Nine Inch Nails... Erasure... Enigma... New Order... Depeche Mode... Pearl Jam... Public Enemy... TLC... Soft Cell... Prodigy... Heavy D... Black Sheep... Pet Shop Boys...

O Fortuna... When I Come Around... Diggin'... Dueling Techno... Stylophonia... Out of Space... Kiss From a Rose... Question of Lust... The Choice is Yours... Return to Innocence... Sin... True Fatih... Prayer for the Dying... What Have I Done to Deserve This... Black... Head Like a Hole... Can't Truss This... Tainted Love... Jump Around... Sober... Generation XTC... Ditty... Waterfalls... Love(Let it Rain)... Somebody... A Little Respect... She... Now That we found love... Crazy... In Your Arms... Suburbia... Bring Tha Noize...

Anna and Eric are gearing up for their upcoming wedding... Since, as a dj, I know for a fact that most dj's overcharge for their services, and since, between Eric and me, we can provide all the necessary components to facilitate the necessary sound requirements for a wedding... This would result in the savings of about a grand...

that's a lot...

Thus, music was the question posed to me... To what would I dance?

That is a can of worms questions if I ever heard one...

There are different factors that determine to what would I dance... I think I listed many reasons when or why I would dance several entries ago... but the music was never mentioned...

How could I possibly forget the most important part?

Music is the road on which dance travels; with out it, it's pretty hard to get anywhere...

In any case, I started shooting off all of the hip-hop, dance, 80's, 90's etc songs that ever got me on the dance floor... What I gave was the makings of a long list that I couldn't finish...

In short (too late), any beat that can bend my ear, with tight melodies and harmonies, and lyrics that are either deep or fun...

then today, I was thinking (as I was listening to the random MP3 cd I made for work) and thought of all those songs that bring me back to my carefree days...

The days where my biggest worry was where I was gonna get my next cigarette, where the next party was, how to impress and attract females, and whether or not I was gonna get caught sneaking out by my parents...

The days where I did not questions my faith, but also did not grasp it... days were I was rebellious both productively and destructively... where I was creative and restricted at the same time...

I had no clue to what I was doing, where I was going, and how I was going keep going... I was a walking contradiction. To say I was hypocritical would be an understatment.

I basically wanted my cake and eat it too...

So yeah, the songs that play in my head when I go back to that era in my life...

My soundtrack to the 90's... when I went from Jr High to College all in the same decade...

The songs that randomly pop in my head, that get me moving to the beats and lyrics only I can hear...

Some people get committed for stuff like that...

but again, crazy and weird are just semantics...



whatever...

right hand wax on...

left hand wax off...

(hee hee hee hee)

I'm such a juvenile...

Hello my friend, my name is Fred.

The words you hear, are in my head.

I say, I said my name is Fred,

And I've been...

Very naughty...

The story I'm about to tell,
I tell you, I will tell it well,
Is of my dear Aunt Muriel
And just how I've been...

Naughty...

[Eustace: "The freak's a barber. A freaky barber, with his own freaky barber shop, where freaky things happen. Freaky barber things!"]

Voila, the farm. My aunt lives here
With precious pup and husband dear.
My heart beat fast as I drew near
I felt so nice and...

Naughty...

I thought just how excited they
Must be that I would come today
They'd shout "Come Fred! Huzzah! Hooray!
"Dear boy you look so...

"Naughty..."

That's when my tired eyes beheld
A doggy dog, like dog he smelled.
D-O-G is what he spelled,
And that's how I spell...

Naughty...

[Eustace: "Gotta go to the hardware store, to get the, you know, to fix the bathroom door. Just don't try shuttin it, because you won't be able to get it open."]

[Muriel: "You must be exhausted, Fred dear. Would you like to freshen up?]

"Yes, been quite a trip, it has."

[Muriel: "Show Fred the bathroom, please Courage?"]

Alone was I with tender Courage
And all his fur, his furry furage.
Which, I say, did encourage
Me to be quite...

Naughty...

"Courage... Your hair... It reminds me of the first time I knew just how I felt about hair."

It was a day I do not forget.
The day that I first met my pet.
Oh, what a lovely gift to get.
I've never felt so...

Naughty...

My fuzzy friend was what he was.
This darling little ball of fuzz,
And oh, such fuzz, such fuzz it does
Demand that I be...

Naughty...

He looked at me, his fetching eyes,
And fetching fur did hypnotize.
I filled with a joy, I filled with sighs
And that's when I got...

Naughty...

"Now, now. You shouldn't play in the toilet."

This dripping hair, this droopy curl
Unfurled sweet memories of a girl
With tresses, oh, they'd twist and twirl
And tempt me to be...

Naughty...

Barbara, my love was named
And her fair hair, a mane untamed.
Untill one evening, I'm ashamed,
I got a little...

Naughty...

The looks upon my young love's face,
Was sweet as lace, but in this case
I realized she needed space.
I nevermore was...

Naughty...

well... maybe not never...

"Playful little scamp"

"No need for panic. Behold, sustenance, hungry whelp."

Dear cur, your fur and fleece remind
Of nothing bound in humankind.
But, for one fellow, who did find
Me to be in a certain mood.

Into my shop he walked one day,
With bush above and beard bouquet.
That's no toupee, I pray. No way
I could help to be...

You know...

I'd never seen such hair before.
His bangs, they sang.
His neck, it beckoned.
Eyebrows, armpits, all were reckoned.
Soon I figured, what the heck, and
Yes, how I was...

Naughty...

"Sweet pooch, afraid I'll shave your tail? Why now, that would be weird."

So ends out little story.
But then my landlords did presume
To free me from that porcelan tomb,
And ferry to a private room
Your hero, ever doughty.

Good-bye dear aunt, I'll miss your farm,
and Eustace's ebullient charm.
And, farewell Courage, what's the harm
If I was slightly...

Naughty?

With Love,
Fred

As I was reading through different blogs of (obviously) different people, I came across a comment mentioning that most blogs are negative - full of complaints and whinings etc.

(I forget from which blog it came, hence my failing to link it here.)

But I do tend to notice people venting their anger and frustrations and transforming it into the text which tens and tens of people read daily...

I see nothing wrong with this.

Misery loves company, but (in my head) blogs are precisely there for that very reason... to let out all of your anger and dispair and dissappointment, but they are also there to capture the joy and triumphs of the every day, that normally would not have been captured...

Except in the cases (like mine) where the blog is there as an outlet for my mind... more like a place to leave all of the thoughts that I have throughout the day so I might reflect on them at a later time. (I'm a big fan of tracing trains of thought - so I can see where I was, where I am, and how I got there.)

oh... then there are the cases that are transcriptions of the actions thoughout the day and the simple feelings associated with it (i.e. I did this - I liked it. I also did this - I did not like it so much. I saw this person - I miss them. I went out to eat - I ate this. It was good.)

But whatever floats your boat - or whatever puts your kit in your caboodle - if you are prone to sea-sickness...

In any case, for those of you that let loose your venom into the electronic wonderfulness of the internet - as long as I don't have to deal, actually, with it - do your stuff, do your thing, take 'em down, take 'em out...

For those of you that spread your happy little anecdotes and cutesy little pics of friends and babies... can you please keep that to yourself??? Our lives might be bad, but you don't gotta rub our faces into it...

sheesh...

[dramatic pause - as I stare at your expression of shock and disgust - and me, laughing on the inside because you are off guard - and then I break out into my classic grin and say:]

I'm kidding!

I actually like reading about everything on the whole spectrum of emotion, as well as the course of a person's day, because, frankly, ideas come from everywhere, and I am always looking for ideas...

your blog might be the inspiration I need to create a work that will change hundreds of lives!!!

or even just one...

and hopefully in a positive fashion...

Speaking of fashion -

for the record, as much as I appreciate the need for business casual - I believe that I would be far more comfortable wearing sweats and t shirts while I was working...

not very appealling, but I would imagine there would be much less stress...

that, and I wouldn't have to waste all that money on a wardrobe for work!

But that is just fantasy, and wishing it cannot make it so...

So I will sit here in my khakis and button-up (but today I managed to pull off cords and a long sleeve tee) and type away on my three laptops...

it's cool that typing an entry looks like actual work to others glancing over (and not actually reading) at my screen...

Alas, I must return to my duties, because I my conscience will eat at me and my paranoia will worry me and my phone is ringing...

and my shoes're starting to squeak...

this is not the beginning

this is not the beginning of the end...

this is the end of the beginning...

millenium... we've got stars directing our fates, but we're praying that it's not too late... 'cause we know we've fallen from grace...

someday... when I'm awfully low, and the world is cold, I will feel a glow just thinkinng of you, and the way you look tonight...

it's late in the evening, she's wondering what clothes to wear... she puts on her make up and brushes her long brown hair... and then she asks me, if she looks all right... I say my darling you look wonderful tonight...

there's a calm surrender to the rush of day, when the heed of the rolling wind can't be turned away... an enchanted moment, and it sees me through, in the heart of this restless warrior, just to be with you...

uh... hunh?

What happens when there are no more cathode ray tube televisions? Once plasma or LCD screens become more economical, why would anyone buy the huge space consuming TV, when you can get much better quality and efficiency in a flat panel?

Would they still say watching the tube? Technically it's no longer a tube, but I guess there are many examples where the vernacular still being used is outdated...

hmpf...

it's too bad I can't think of any...

well, I'm sure I will think of one when I have long submitted this post - if you can think of any, please enlighten me, because I'm feeling a little heavy from the cheesesticks and pizza...

cheese and dough...

there's a healthy combination.

funny names if you think about it (go ahead - think about it), but I guess they would taste the same even if they had a less funny name, say like Eustanacia or Archimalepatternbald...

those names aren't funny at all.

They're just tragic.

-- history alert --

you will not find anything remotely deep or humorous about the following...

all you will get is a drop of a glimpse of how this site came into existence...

but if you finish... you get a prize!!!

-- end alert --

I did not have access to the internet until I got into college... and until I got my own desktop my sophomore year, I did not have 24/7 access...

You see, the internet wasn't quite so wide stream whilst I was in highschool - growing up, I remember witnessing slight hints of Prodigy and AOL... but I had no idea what I was seeing - pictures and text popping up, seemingly out of no where, didn't impact me at that point of my life.

I got my first e-mail account in the fall of 1996... and believe you me, that was the coolest thing in my world at that time. I was e-mailing everyone I knew that had an e-mail address, sending out jokes, forwards, stupid questions... I would check my e-mail every five minutes (or whenever I could get to the computer lab...)

that lasted about a month.

then I discovered IRC... for the rest of the semester, my life as a person ended and I began my life as a screen name. You could see that my grade point for my first term in college was inversely proportional to the level of my typing skills... so yeah... I got really good at pounding keyboards and creating those silly little ASCII symbols...

During my online chatting tenure, I discovered HTML... and with the help of a friend, I quickly learned to create web pages and copy code from sites I found really cool... I created crude pictures with MS Paint and borrowed my cousins Snappy card to post pictures...

This was my foray into the online journal world - the year was 1997...

Throughout this year I my skill at creating graphics and designing pages increased dramtically. By the middle of my sophomore year, I had the makings of a great website...

then several things happened that blew my interest in maintaining a website: I moved in with Luis, we figured out how to bypass the schools firewalls to allow us to have networked gaming, and I turned 19...

Luis is one of my closest and best friends and probably the only guy I with whom I could possibly live for as long as I have without having any problems whatsoever (we were ideal roommates), and, along with Kris, we began a two year stint of playing ping pong, roller hockey, and pool, and went coffee house hopping and, quite frequently, class skipping...

it is most likely my fault Luis failed several of his classes over those years...

but mostly for the next reason...

online gaming was reaching new peaks, and we were riding in the wave on its crest... command and conquer, starcraft, and roguespear single-handedly wiped out months of our lives...

then, once we turned 19... it was off to Canada... we were suddenly legal, and we did not have classes on Fridays...

nuff said.

So I fell off the web page wagon... Geocities, Asian Avenue, my school website... all sat in their incompleted glory for the next 4 years...

my last entry dating 2000, when I updated my resume on one of the pages...

but as fate should have it... my circle of friends began blogging (I chalked it up to what I was doing previously, except this seemed to have much more steam behind it) due to the ease of their creations and the simplicity of the whole thing...

I was busy being a bum and then eventually, busy looking for a job...

2001 - Everyone was blogging, and I was getting used to working.

I didn't have time (i.e. I didn't make time) to get into the online lives of my friends who were still in college or just getting out of college, or whatever. I couldn't hang. I had to sleep before midnight (and that used to be the time I started doing homework.)

Then, towards the end of 2001 my fiancee (who was just my girlfriend at the time) jumped on - she had a lot of free time at work then...

2002 - So, I decided "Hey, I'm gonna make her a web page that she can use instead of a third party site" and I bought the domain name for "babiegoose.com" and got a host and began...

except I didn't get too far...

I didn't (and still don't) have the knowledge to create my own scripts and engine and whatever I needed to have a fully funtional, self-sustaining blog.

So I asked for help.. which (more or less) didn't come.

Then, I sat on it for a year...

2003 - and a half...

then, after getting a crap load of free time at work, I began to read peoples blogs... and the more I read, the more I wanted to read... and I just kept on reading and reading and reading...

then I figured... what the hell... I have the site and the host... figure it out now...

after a few pointed questions, I was lead to Movabletype...

and here we are... 100 entries later, and 90 entries more than I thought I type...

and now, here you are, reading this thoroughly, unfunny, quasi interesting story of how I got here...

I kind of wish that I never stopped keeping journal entries, or at least had saved off my entries from college... it would be cool to look back on the things that I have done with greater accuracy and detail as well as seeing how I evolved the many aspects of my being...

so this is for the record... and if you've made it this far, the knowledge you have gleaned from reading this is a far greater prize than any prize I could possibly give you.

So, I leave you to ponder the following immortal words of Socrates:

"I drank what?"

gone are the days where one can play [mafia, bubble bobble, pirated playstation games, dance dance revolution, starcraft, rogue spear, risk, roller hockey, ping pong, and hacky-sack] for hours, upon hours on end...

gone are the days of [bar hopping and club hopping 4 nights a week... random impulsive visits to friends places with no money, clothes, or means of transportation... spinning all your friends parties and scratching and mixing-in all the samples and breakbeats you could get your hands on...]

gone are the days of [spontaneous music videos... improv videos... monkey show... monkey war... fear spoofs... sideways couches and Christmas stockings...]

gone are the days... as in days that would be considered "wasted" to the yuppie world... days that could be used by those (in their opinion) for "more productive" tasks... days that could now only by undertaken during vacations not already planned with trips or errands or family visits...

here's to those days,

and...

here's to you and me and everyone else resurrecting those days.

here's to taking it to the next level with [poker tournaments... with spur of the moment ping pong tournaments... with basketball tournaments... with days filled with soccer... with nights filled with halo, rogue spear, and war craft III... with golf outings... with paintball... with all inclusive karaoke rooms... with video competions... with clubbing one night every other month...]

here's to the families we are creating... the bonds of friendship we are solidifying, upon which we are building our futures... the memories we have created and hold dear... the love we are sharing that we will share with the world.

here's to the faith that we never realized we were missing, the hope that we never knew we needed, and the love that we never knew we had...

to days gone by.

to days to come.

to today.

[these are mine. fill in yours.]

looking back on some entries... (specifically the last entry) I noticed that I was rather repetative and that I skip over words because my mind leaks faster than I can type...

you know what they say...

If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.

and

Proofread carefully to see if you words out.

on a side riff...

and have you figured out: who are they?

the elusive "they"... "They" to whom everyone refers, but never names... do we intuitively know "them" but can never actualize "them"? Have "they" brainwashed us to forget "them" the more we try to remember "them"...

I submit to you that I am sometimes a party to "they" or "them" though not by choice. Others seem to, sometimes, automatically include me in "Them" when others refer to "them" when I am not around said others... Other times, those others are the "They" to which I refer...

But there are the "They" and "Them" that are not so known, and it is that "They" of which I proposed the original question... This "They" also seems to be akin to "Everyone" and "Everybody"... but that is a subject for another time...

... ... ...

In any case, I will not go back and edit the entry - because that would be silly... and I'd be misrepresenting the state of mind in which I composed that blog. Somehow, I cannot hide who I am (though I've tried...)

Perhaps, through all this reflection, I will be able to transform myself into the person I am to become... (Can it be? I'm not meant to play this part?)

or maybe I will just see that I need to start spell checking and grammar checking all of my posts...

I love to dance...

I have never been [cool enough to be] in a dance group of the likes of funktion or 2XS or whatever...

I have never been able to do a full windmill... I can't pop as well as those that pop well, and I cannot ballroom dance to the degree that you can call it ballroom dancing...

but dammit... I love to be on the dance floor... moving, freestyling with my body like an MC does with words...

I just came back from clubbing (on a Thursday night - can you bee-lee dat?) and I realized a few somethings...

1. I am not comfortable dancing on an empty or crowded dance floor unless I'm dancing with peopl...

2. I don't neccessarily have to be actually dancing with the people with whom I am dancing

3. If there wasn't a stigma about being that guy dancing by himself on the dance floor I would be that guy...

4. Regardless of how much better you really are on the dance floor, I will always think that I can do what it is that you do... (unless of course you start to break dance or have the initials J.C. - believe what you will)

5. Even if you are breaking or have the initials J.C. - (and I'm not talking about the Son of God) I will still attempt to do what it is you are doing... because you have to learn somehow, right?

6. I dance better after a few drinks... er... well more like two drinks...

7. I dance better when people are watching... but I don't have to actually have people watching me - I just need them to know that I'm there... but if you are dancing with me - which is to say you are dancing by me - then I'm all the more happier...

8. Guys at the club who can't dance are always good (and I mean not with you) - they give you something to talk about at the club and they make you look better... (you should teach them if they are actually with you... but not at the club.)

9. two or three (and maybe even four - depending on how hard they roll, or lack thereof) guys dancing in a group together without at least one or two females does not look good if you are heterosexual (five or more guys who can dance is a crew and is socially acceptable if no girls are around... but girls around are always better...

10. I can no longer go clubbing on nights when I have to actually function at work the next day...

so that was more like ten somethings but since I'm coming off a buzz (which is me coming off drunk) I can stay up and type this blurb... which was supposed to be little, but some how grew to big for its britches...

and because I'm buzzing (don't judge me) I have an excuse if you don't agree with what I've just typed... (by the way... I don't think Jesus ever got drunk, or even buzzed - but that has nothing to do with this... it has something to do with something else...)

again...

I love to dance... and I love to be seen dancing....

So, put on your red shoes and dance the blues...

Under the moonlight, this serious moonlight...

dance with me... dance with me...

of busy...

you know how that is - there are a lot of things going on, but there is only so much that can be done, and then you have to wait, but there are still a lot of things going on...

it's a false sense of busy... I am currently juggling five things right now, but I only feel busy because I have to juggle them... I have 5-15 minute blocks of not being able to do anything because the things I have done require me to wait until they are finished before I can start on what's next...

so I do my chair-by shootings with my nurf gun/pen to those individuals around me that do not have quite so much free time as myself...

poor bastards... but I wonder who is luckier? They - who are being productive and earning their money - or I - who is doing actual work, but not really working quite so hard...

or is it them and me? or them and I? or they and me?

grammar is so confusing sometimes.

sometimes me doesn't understood it too good such as you do.

I can go about 5 feet per push off on my rolling chair... if I try it on a non-rolling chair i just tip over and fall (and once the nurf gun misfired and I got hit)

so to traverse my bay area I need to push about 10 times, give or take... the problem is, I only have two darts - and there are two suction-cup balls and a (much more powerful) 10-dart rapid fire nurf gun in the bay... as well as some pillow punchers... so I must choose my targets wisely...

for as the true Grail will bring you life, the false Grail will take it from you...

gotta go... the next busy crest is peaking over the horizon and I have to start paddling at a 45 degree angle so I can see the wave coming as I paddle away...

then when I start to feel the board glide, I can push off the board and try to stand up...

then I can ride it out until it ripples away...

Regret

Maybe I've forgotten

the name and the address

Of everyone I've ever known,

It's nothing I regret.

Save it for another day,

It's the school exam

and the kids have run away


I would like a place I could call my own,
Have a conversation on the telephone.
Wake up every day, that would be a start.
I would not complain of my wounded heart

I was upset you see,
Almost all the time.
You used to be a stranger,
Now you are mine.

I wouldn't even trust you,
I've not got much to give.
We're dealing in the limits,
And we don't know who with.
You may think that I'm out of hand,
That I'm naive, I'll understand.
On this occasion, it's not true.
Look at me, I'm not you.

I would like a place I could call my own,
Have a conversation on the telephone.
Wake up every day, that would be a start.
I would not complain of my wounded heart.

I was a short fuse,
Burning all the time.
You were a complete stranger,
Now you are mine.

I would like a place I could call my own,
Have a conversation on the telephone.
Wake up every day, that would be a start.
I would not complain about my wounded heart.

Just wait till tomorrow.
I guess that's what they all say,
Just before they fall apart.

...

I have a sleeping bag.

(a simple statement)

Oh? You have a sleeping bag too? Several you say?

Wow, well I bet your sleeping bag isn't mummy style with synthetic whats-it-dos and thinga-ma-bobs (yes, quite technical) that can keep you warm to 20 F.

Oh... you do? oh...

Well, I bet your fiancee didn't buy you one..

ppplbbbtttt....

so there...

oh - and she bought us a tent too! how about that?

... ... ...

Next month (some time - as I never seem to have the exact dates for anything unless I'm looking at my PDA) we will embark on a camping trip... Not that I've never been on a camping trip, but it will be the first time that I will be going on a camping trip that requires me to take my truck over to an island on a ferry boat...

and then

going to CEDAR POINT in the meantime and between time...

yeah... if you don't know what that is - imagine Six Flags or Disney World (just the rides) - then imagine, as cool and fun as they are, that they all suck - because the rides at Cedar Point are that much cooler..

Yes... they are.

- Top Thrill Dragster

- Millenium Force

- Raptor

- Magnum

- Power Tower

- Wicked Twister

- Gemini

- Blue Streak

- Demon Drop

Everything you know about rollercoasters or thrill rides has nothing on these... (and these are only the list of my favorite rides...)

Alas - there is only one Cedar Point and it's in...

[drum roll]

Ohio...

[symbol crash thud]

Yea, who'da thunk it?

(not that Ohio is bad, mind you - just dull)

And we get to go there to camp! Hence my new sleeping bag and the new tent (Lorie got a cool sleeping bag last year for a different camping trip)

Yup, I'm gonna live the life of an outdoorsman - eating over open fires, eating canned food, drinking bottled water... hiking... sleeping on the ground in my new sleeping bag (with it's special pocket for my glasses)...

I just need to find a portable generator for my laptop and a good spot for a satellite link-up to my ISP...

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I'm kidding...

sheesh... sometimes, people will believe anything they read...

*** *** ***

by the way... I've taken to downloading the Teen Titans (the new one on the Cartoon Network)

very neat... I especially like the Japanese-pop-sounding opening theme song...

[I'd link you to it somehow - but I'm just too lazy at this second... I'll do it later and then remove this message... or just append to it... because I'd probably be too lazy to delete...]

Edward a la Cowboy Bebop = tres hilarious...

people should watch Cartoon Network cartoons (as in Courage the Cowardly Dog, Powerpuff Girls, Samurai Jack) and find their sense of humor... and some Daria for good measure - [but she's not on the Cartoon Network... somewhere else in cable-land...]

too much Jackass and Tom Green (which is funny for about a second) can actually make you less intelligent...

it's been proven... i've seen the results... not pretty (but good for Darwinism I guess...)

... ... ...

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

Fsh

hahahahah - that joke works much better when you say it out loud...

laugh...

it's funny.

long break... lots of sleep...

back from break... lots of work...

too much thinking... not enough time to clean out head of desire to just be completely and totally lazy...

oh...

fire...

pretty...

ouch...

bad...

must... find... swing...

(I'm pretty sure it's thing's swing into which I need to get...)

[he spoke... and ate rapidly a ryan-sized bowl of ice cream]

I have been told that I listen to music too loud, or that I watch movies with the volume too high or that i talk too loud...

well, besides that last point, the reason - for those of you that don't get it - that I listen to music or movies at the level at which I listen to them is because I like to hear all parts of the piece or picture...

The heavy but crisp walking bass line... the subtle background of strings... the highlights of the brass... and touches of the woodwinds... the structure of the beat...

or

the background conversations... every foot fall and every breath... the brushing of cloth against cloth as the main character moves his or her arm to block the light from the sun or the punch from an adversary...

Yes, at a lower volume you can hear the main idea of the song that is playing, or the plot of the movie - but it's like reading the Cliff's Notes of a novel - you don't get the full exposure, the full experience of the work that is laid before you.

Yes, you can answer all the questions on the multiple choice test, but it never becomes a part of you - you are not moved - you do not grow...

or maybe that's just me...

but the next time you listen to a song, listen to the whole of the music that is being played... then try to lower the volume to where you can't quite hear everything... and tell me how complete you feel...

pump up the volume baby...

if I lose my hearing...

so be it...

that's why you have ear wax and why they have hearing aids... (I think...)