babiegoose.com

so on a whim, everyone decided that we should see the movie "Whale Rider" - I, being completely out of the loop, have never even heard of the movie...

To my surprise, I quite enjoyed the film. the relationship between the girl and her family, especailly regarding her grandfather, was very touching - not to mention that she was super-cute (which was also probably directly proportional to her accent - I love cool accents)

Another proof to why this movie was deeply emotional was the fact that Lorie cried through practically the whole thing... Yes, it's true that she will cry at almost any movie that spits out the slightest reason for crying - but only for a moment... After watching "Whale Rider", she looked like she had been crying for about a week... puffy eyes, red cheeks and all folks... the whole gamut... (I have a soft spot to whenever my fiancee cries - but don't tell her, because she'll probably use it against me...)

as a note to me...

etiquette and manners: rude versus polite...

in any case... I would highly recommend seeing whale rider... (unless you are one of those snobby holier-than-thou film critic types - if you are... then I recommend getting life and make something better since you fell you have to diss everything)

(bitter much ny?)

labor day weekend... I really should look up the origin of this holiday, because there really is not much labor that actually occurs... it should be the Herald to the End of Summer Vacation Holiday... or the don't-think-about-driving-to-northern-Michigan-without-hitting-massive-traffic Holiday...

but in any case, we (as in Lorie, Anna, Eric, and Donna) have decided to ride out to Chicago for the weekend to spend time with Porta et. al...

Surprisingly, the usually 4-5 hour drive only seemed to take 20 minutes. But apparently, while you are sleeping, the time does seem to pass more slowly for those in the car who are not sleeping - hence the 20 minutes to me, seemed like 4 hours to them...

funny how that works... if I had the inclination, I would propose a physics based equation on how that "relativity" actually works... I have a strange feeling though, someone might have beaten me to it, since I recall hearing something regarding that in a movie or something.

And here... let me take a moment to mention the concept of satellite radio... in our rental car (which is a car that we rented to avoid using up the life meter of our personally owned cars) the XMSR was installed... Now as cool as the concept of being able to listen to the same station from Maine to southern California, what is the point of paying $5 a month to lose that ability anytime it gets too cloudy? also the simple act of passing under an overpass (granted, a big overpass) interrupts the satellite signal... Also there are not many of us that typically travel more than 50 miles from our own home...

For those transcontinental truck drivers and people who live in the boonies, this is a worthwhile investment - but for me (who gets blank CD's practically for free and "somehow" locates free songs online) this is quite pointless...

but enough about me. how about you? how are you?

;-P

ooh... they are done cooking... time to eat the in-famous ("more famous" a la "Three Amigos") inside-out hamburgers my sister has ascertained from Rachael Ray...

apparently they are supposed to be yummy...

I'm fairly excited to see what you're capable of, if Morpheus is right and

all...We're not supposed to talk about this, but if you are...Damn, it's a very exciting time. We got a lot to

do. Let's get to it....

-Tank, The Matrix

you can't see it... but I'm giddy...

he sits, facing the corner of the four person cubicle... eyes pointed down towards the screen of the laptop in front of him. He pushes up his glasses that have slid down the bridge of his nose, and gives a slight cough - probably from the cool dry air coming from the vent above his seat.

The computer screen emits a soft glow which adds little little light to the brightly lit room. The hum from the florescent lights and the air vents give a white noise that muffles the conversations of the other workers.

It has been three and a half hours and he has not spoken a word, the two other occupants of his cube are nose down into their own work. The headset gets pulled from the backpack and he plugs it into his MP3 player, procedding to "jam", however subdued, to the eclectic group of artists saved on the memory stick.

He yawns. Number ten for the day, not bad considering it's only 11:27, he thinks to himself... Man, who the hell counts the number of times they yawn? So he streches his arms out and turns to face the two sitting by him.

"Whatcha guys working on?" he asks, swiveling his chair back and forth, tapping his feet on the chair's base.

"Nothing exciting" the girl says, "either of you guys want to trade"

"I will" he says "my task it much more boring than yours"

"Uh, I was hoping to trade with him" she says, pointing to the other boy in the cube - who is also lost in his headphones.

The other boy looks up, "Dude, can you get on the internet? It's been blocking me all morning"

"Yeah - its the only thing that has been keeping me sane..."

Their conversations continue for several more minutes, until they drift back into their work...

Over the course of the day, the converations are quiet and infrequent - and he notices that his legs are bouncing due to lack of use...

"I gotta get outta here..." he says slowly as he starts walking towards the exit. He walks down to the snack store that is just as overpriced as the vending machines in the kitchen. It is almost four o'clock in the afternoon.

All afternoon - no - all day, he's been sitting, quiet - no outlets for energy...

and at the store he picks up a can of Arizona Energy...

He makes his way back to his desk and sits. He opens the can an commences to "down" the contents...

"Time to go home..." he thinks, forty minutes in an uneventful car ride later, he arrives home....

"AYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY"

and then begins the banging on the piano - amongst other things...

*** *** ***

Co-workers say:

"What? Ryan is not loud and crazy?"

"I'd never expect that from him..."

"You were a what in college?"

"Oh, you like to dance?"

*** *** ***

no one really knows who he is...

*** *** ***

When people tell you not to bottle shit up... that means everything...

love, energy, anger, happiness, sadness -

if it's positive - it'll either get wasted at the wrong moment or you'll miss opportunities...

if it's negative - it will blow up past the point of comfort... way past the point... or it will crush you...

go with the flow...

and if you must leave the stream - do it quickly and then rejoin it - because if you stay outside too long... you can get cold or sick, or both...

and if I'm comfortable with you and you're around after I get out of work...

invest in ear plugs...

or find a way to make me use up all that pent up energy...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA!

I must go...

obsessive compulsive... not orange county you dork (I know you watch it!).

I just killed my entire night, because the computer I built in 1998 decided, today, that it did not want to cooperate...

so I nuked its brain... total format - then I dropped windows 2000 on its head...

(this was for two reasons - 1 - ME sucks and 98 is too slow. 2 - XP is not compatible with my financee's and my sister's clie (710) so I need a non XP machine on my network to accomodate them...)

that and I do not have access to another OS... so three reasons hunh?

so here I am popping back and forth between the computer I built last year and the computer I built 5 years ago (see me trying to impress you with the fact that I'm a computer geek and can build stuff that works?) because the ethernet card on the old one doesn't have the drivers for 2000 anywhere on it. I'd usually snag it over the network or from the net, but, since the ethernet card is what links me to both, I was lost...

I had to go old school and use a... [gasp]... floppy disk!!!

as you could imagine, I was amused that I was required to use such an out-dated method of binary storage and transfer, but at the same time I was annoyed because I did not have many floppy disks lying around. (As outdated floppy use is to me, it looks to still be an essential PC component, for without it, one would have trouble setting up a computer...)

so I dl'd the drivers from one computer to the floppy and transferred that to the computer that was access-less (hee hee - I like words that don't really exist really but sound like they should because they should)

and to make a long story short ("Too late!"), I completed the job and I am now entering this entry on the previously net-unaccessable PC...

now what has this to do with O/C?

I will not be defeated by a heap of metal and plastic and electrons... unless it is in the form of something akin to the Terminator or Mecha-Godzilla...

so I looked at my machine and said "Listen Secret Weapon Force PC" - I had put an X-Men Secret Weapon Force sticker on the machine in late 1998 - "You are gonna work tonight so that the technically un-savvy people in this house (i.e. everyone in the house not named 'ryan') will be able to get on with their little chatting and e-mails and what not"

The machine looked balefully at me through its blinking, green lights and said...

"RRRRRRRMRMMMMMRMRMRMMRMMRMRMRMHHHHHHRMRMRHMRHMRHM" - which really is nothing more that the fan from the power source humming at me...

It's a computer - it doesn't "talk"

I didn't build a HAL you know...

so I will now replace the casing of the Mid-tower and screw the little bolts into place so that it looks pretty...

I had to complete this - otherwise I would have felt incomplete...

You should walk away from here with the following...

1. You cannot make a computer connect to the internet by staring at it and doing actions that are repetitions of past failures

2. You can switch the Bios start-up of the PC to also look for a CDROM boot (which is dead useful for loading OS's)

3. If you are a Windows user - there is a Windows version PE which is a file system that allows you to load XP or 2000 via DOS or a boot... (boot as in start-up, not boot as in large shoe)

4. You cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg in Oklahoma... you need a camera to take a picture, as wooden legs are quite useless for photography...

5. If you start falling asleep at the wheel while you are driving... pull over, because you might rear-end someone and have to pay a $500 deductible and a ticket and get points on your driving record and then get yelled at by everyone that knows you fall asleep while driving often and how you should have slept more or you should not have tried to drive so far without sleeping etc etc etc

6. It never hurts to ask... if you ask, you are only stupid for a few seconds... if you don't you are stupid for much longer...

7. Fresca has no caffeine or sugar in it... it doesn't do much for you but make you burp while slightly rehydrating you...

...

the keys are getting blurred together...

I should go... I hear my bed calling me by name...

gotta get up, gotta get, gotta get away...

Beware!

I am trained in the art of nurf...

I am a weapon...

deadly...

accurate...

and without conscience...

(how else could I do this at work?)

my weapon:

As you can see, from my virtual-target (credit to my IBM 17" monitor and Paint) I have been able to hone my nurf skills...

whether it be the assult pen or throwing darts, I am unmatched at hitting my v-target.

(do not let the fact that I am the only one who as attempted to hit my v-target fool you - because I am sure that I could best anyone who would try to challenge me on my target...)

They say the pen is mightier than the sword?

Well...

I am mighter than the PEN.

fear me.

you must.

my head is swimming...

I have been unable to access the life giving world wide web today (after about noon) due to server problems at work... so I had to settle for a red-letter productivity day. (that and I was catching up on worked that I missed yesterday because I was "sick")

anyways - so after work I get my hair cut and run home to be home... alas, alack, no one is home to greet me or make dinner - not that I expect that, mind you, it's just that with so many people at our house (with my sister's wedding so close at hand) I figured they'd have left something to eat that wasn't fish...

but they went to my uncles to eat... bastards... (except, I don't really mean bastards because I'm supposed to respect my elders)

so I ate half a pork-bun from lunch and a mini-cake that Lorie got for me to day because God blessed me today with something for which I have been working and praying for the last seven months or so...

then I go online... [digression]I must tell you - when I think about it - sitting in front of a computer all day for work and then coming home to sit in front of a computer all night for fun can be a little disheartening, especially since I wanted to play soccer today - but I am battered and broken, and I had that hair cut appointment - so there really wasn't a chance...[end digression]

So... I went online... started reading peoples blogs and had to use my brain more than I wanted to because people are so smart, clever, funny, witty, etc..

I laughed a lot...

so just now, after the revelation that this entry is going absolutely no where, I figured I'd try to write something witty and funny...

but the harder I try to write something witty and funny, the harder it is for me to believe that I have accomplished that... probably because it is nowhere in the neighborhood of witty or funny...

more like the categories of "hunh?" or "couldn't-get-that-far-because-you-bored-me-out-of-my-mind-a-while-ago"...

then I started to think about the issues that I have (but not really)... like my depression, and codependency, and my paranoia, and my compulsive eating disorder, and my obsessive compulsive disorder, and my lack of self-esteem, and now dealing with the fact that I'm not witty or funny...

now, I hear a voice telling me "just give it all up, because you are obviously just writing to write, with no purpose, no rhyme or reason or rhythm..."

I tell that voice to "piss off" - even though I never really say "piss off"... except in my head all of the time, but for some reason I never say that out loud...

suddenly, it hits me... my meaningless banter, my reckless writings, my witless words... all of them - they are here to balance out all of the intelligence and sophistication and humor to which I have born witness...

I am the anti-joke, the un-intelligence, the meaninglessness that is the anti-thesis of all that is profound and humorous...

Of course you know... that could (and probably is) all bullshit... because this is my brain leaking like [something that leaks a lot] all over this entry... or all in this entry... I am not riddled with disorders... mostly...

are entries concave or are they surfaces? determining that would allow me to choose the right preposition...

where does the mouse go? over, under, in, out, around, through, etc.

it goes in the back of the computer where the damn plug is...

and why am I watching the US open? I don't even play tennis...well, not well... or at all even... but I can't help but watch Wimbledon and the US Open when it's on the tube...

am I addicted to television? am I addicted to the computer? am I addicted to you?

I am addicted to cheesy jokes, karaoke, papa john's cheese sticks, jet's deep dish, risk, monopoly, paintball, ice cream, chocolate, lasagna, dim sum, anime...

and what am I doing telling all of this?

mars is just over the horizon right now... it is the closest it has been in eons (apparently - I wouldn't know... this is just hearsay to me)

I'm gonna go look...

you drowning yet?

because I'm afraid I pulled you down with me...

because I feel like my head has been dunked a thousand times...

I'm such a sucker...especially those stupid little quizzes that I come across...I don't know why I do them, but when I see them, it seems as if they are screaming at me to "take this quiz" and of course, what do I do? I take the stupid quiz....this is the last one I took:

Cute Flirt



What Kind of FLIRT are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

see? I'm a sucker...I'm also a sucker for little kids trying to sell me stuff...they always look so darn cute and they are always trying to win the prize for selling the most stuff...how can I not help them? What if my one purchase made them the top seller so they can go to Florida or something like that? hmmm.....

I was detained from my usual professional consultant duties because my allergies were beyond the "toughing it out" point for my productivity to be worth going in today...

so I stayed home and waited for my lolo and tita to arrive from the Philippines...

and ate ice cream while I sneezed and clucked to get at that damned itch in my throat...

and my foot has some color to it, compliments of the bruise that is currently residing on it.

I have come to realize, as I learn things, that my mind will know what to do that my body just cannot oblige, and there are things that my mind and body know, with which the body simply won't oblige...

Another thing that I just realized is that I probably get hurt just as much now as I did when I was a kid, but for some reason - kids have other things on their minds on which they would rather focus (like fun things*) than the pain or the pity and attention one can milk from an injury. Whereas we, as adults, have other things we could focus on that are much more important in the grand scheme of things than nursing our bangs and scrapes, but we choose to use those injuries as an excuse...

well... not all the time, but we do... It seems the more excuses we know, the more likely we are to use them... I guess it is our ambition, motiviation, intensity, and sense of duty that keep us pushing past that pain threshold to get something (deemed worthy, of course) done...

people amaze me... sometimes I just sit in awe at how extraordinary people are... from a far, we all are pretty much the same - but if you take a microscope to us - there are doors there that you never would have seen or known to open...

wow... and I thought I was gonna go on a tirade about how lazy we can get...

dammit... I lost a thought...

you know... as fast as I can type (which, by the way, is pretty darn fast) I still can't seem to get all of the thoughts down on electrons fast enough...

oh well... there is always tomorrow... or later... which ever comes first....

my mom is so cute...

I just got this from her... and to answer the Black Eye Peas and Justin Timberlake...

Here is the love... (just so you can be jealous!)

There's no such thing as a bad hug, only good ones and great ones







non-fattening and they don't cause cancer or cavities..







all natural with no preservatives, artificial ingredients or pesticide residue...







cholesterol-free, naturally sweet, 100% wholesome and they are a completely renewable resource...







Easy to care for, they don't require batteries, tune-ups, or x-rays...









non-taxable, fully returnable and energy efficient...









safe in all kinds of weather...






In fact,





especially good for cold and rainy days and





exceptionally effective in treating problems like bad dreams or Monday blues...







Never wait until tomorrow to hug

someone you could hug today,

because when you give one,

you get one right back

your way!










I JUST DID!!!!

ps... it took me forever to clean up the code from the e-mail...

Prince Humperdinck: I don't think I'm quite sure I'm familiar with that phrase.

Westley: I'll explain and I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you warthog faced buffoon.

Prince Humperdinck: That may be the first time in my life a man has dared insult me.

Westley: It won't be the last. To the pain means the first thing you will lose will be your feet below the ankles. Then your hands at the wrists. Next your nose.

Prince Humperdinck: And then my tongue I suppose, I killed you too quickly the last time. A mistake I don't mean to duplicate tonight.

Westley: I wasn't finished. The next thing you will lose will be your left eye followed by your right.

Prince Humperdinck: And then my ears, I understand let's get on with it!

Westley: WRONG! Your ears you keep and I'll tell you why. So that every shriek of every child in seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out dear god what is that thing, will echo in your perfect ears. That is what to the pain means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever.

Soccer double header... twisted my ankle and there is a nice looking bruise on my foot that I am sure is due to someone much bigger than I stepping on it...

that... and I'm a smelly bastard...

The above passage (for those of you who aren't so cool because you should instantly have known from where the passage comes) was from the Princess Bride...

That is hands down and in all other ways my favorite movie...

I find myself laughing and laughing at every scene with Fezzik and saying the lines along with each and every character... Although I own this movie on DVD, for some reason or another, whenever it is on cable, I am strangely drawn to watching it... (don't judge me - there are stranger compulsions out there...)

It just finished, and during the "To the pain" scene I was thinking about the pain of my foot and aching muscles (as I am not a good soccer player [I'm afraid that I'm not even an average one] I am probably more prone to this type of injury - but it could be, perhaps, that really good players aren't cry babies...)

In any case, that scene really had nothing to do with actual physical pain (foot pain included), but more of a suffering pain -- almost like hell, but while you are alive...

but if you can read, you would have gotten that from the passage... (But the fact that you can read is obvious because you got this far into this entry, didn't you?)

[disclaimer]

um... I didn't mean insult anyone that is reading this by implying that you couldn't read... and I certainly did not mean to insult anyone who is reading this that cannot read... although... if they can't read then they would likely be looking at this, and not reading...

[End disclaimer]

So... speaking of compulsions - I am now compelled to jump (but in reality step) into the shower to wash that smell right outta my hair

and the whole of my integumentary system...

[roll closing credits and queue ending score]

Over the last couple of weeks, I was under the impression that I was an accidental entomologist, because of all of the insects that have been adorned on the grill or windshield on my car... (Well, at least the entrails)

But recently, it suddenly struck me (as a lightning bug struck my windshield) that I am not collecting bug guts, but those unfortunate insects are trying to mate, rather unsuccessfully, with my car!

Lorie informed me that when lightning bugs light, they are trying to attract a mate... and since I always seem to see them light right before they splat on my windshield, it is quite apparent that many insect are enamored with my car, more specifically, the windshield and grill!

From the constant calls of insect suitors, I have ascertained that my vehicle (a 4Runner) is a female (No male would get that many females to come calling - also, the number of suitors seems to be cyclical... hmm...)

I feel sorry for her because I named her Buster.

In any case, I am sure that this is not an isolated case... you can see, some male cars have "protection" (and I always thought that those car bra's were stupid - there is obviously a functional aspect to it - but they still look stupid)

Most cars seem to be on some type of contraception, however, since I have not heard of any instances where a car or an insect birthed a half-car half-insect...

but could you imagine?

We could have millions of cars at almost no cost at all!

But... if a mosquito had the body of a hummer, we'd all be in deep shit...

oooh....

they'd have to build a better bug spray...

like a Carnuba Off! or something...

So... in conclusion:

It is 12:00 Midnight...

do you know who your car is seeing right now?

go have that talk...

you'll feel better in the morning...

metal girders, beams, and grating surround you...

you have been herded into a maze of a pen with hundered of others, waiting - some patiently, others not so much...

the line, this endless line, moves forward, slowly, but ever forward - inching you closer to the attraction that seduced you here...

The sun is bearing down on you face, on your shoulders - while a misting fan cools you for the brief instant its sweeping pattern is directed towards you...

the line suddenly lurches forward again, and just as suddenly stops...

you occupy yourself with polite conversation with those around you, with games (challenging or silly or both)...

and then, behold, the staircase - you are almost there...

one step... the anticipation is building, before this point, the destination seemed so far, so distant...

tenth step... almost half way to the top - you can see the shuffling legs and feet of those that have been waiting before you on the deck above...

seventeenth step... you have just past the landing and are minutes away from the standby deck... the clanking of the metal on metal, the roar of wheels on their tracks, the screams...

oh...

my..

gosh...

the screams...

the deck... you can see it now... you can almost touch it... your excitement and the excitement of those around you is almost visible...

you bounce back and forth on your feet as the line shifts again, and you are the next to board...

the gate opens...

you move towards you seat on the metal vehicle...

you sit and move the belt strap into its receiver... the form fitted shoulder harness closes over you and locks with a click...

Now, there is no turning back...

ahead of you, the metal track climbs and climbs into the sky, its full length blocked by the roof of the control tower...

you hear the "CLEAR" from the technicians and attendants...

with the hiss of pneumatics, the mass of plastic and metal begins to move...

click-click-click-click-click

you being your ascent on the track in the open air...

click-click-click-click-click

the others in the line begin to diminish in size...

click-click-click-click-click

the entire complex has become the size of a toy model...

click-click-click-click-click

you are hundreds of feet above sea level....

click-click-click-click-click

and this upward climb is coming to an end....

click-click-click-click-ssssssssss

the vertical movement stops smoothly and the vehicle takes a life of its own.

you are now hurtling towards the ground at over 60... no... 70 miles per hour.

the ground rushing at you as your stomach drops, and the wind is rushing through you ears, but you can't hear it because all you can do is scream!

Except you can't.

The sound has caught in you throat and you feel the adrenaline flood your system... your pupils pop open and you force your arms up into the air.... AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAA!!! finally escapes through your lips, through your gaping mouth.

Twenty feet from the ground, the track sweeps you back up and now you are spinning upside down. Your orientation is shifted continuously as the track swerves in and out of seemingly impossible turns, the wind, forcing your eyes open, causing them to shed tears.

The track rises up again, only to rush you towards the ground a moment later - the roar of the track, the squeals from the other passengers, the thrill of the ride... the flashes of light... wha? flashes of light? Then another hill... and another...

and then...

EEEERRRRRRRKKKKKKKK - sssssssssssssssss

it's over....

your body relaxes, but you can't wipe the grin off your face, you begin to laugh with your whole body... as you sit back and wait for them to bring the coaster back into its home...

you disembark from the ride, stumbling and skipping down the steps - and before you - monitors with the faces of the latest vistors of the roller coaster...

and there is you... hands in the air, mouth and eyes wide open in a frozen scream...

for $7 bucks you could take that home...

nah...

There is a war that is waged in this vessel I call my body... The war is on-going, minor battles here and there, but just before autumn sets in, there is a devastating battle. This battle takes place mainly in my respiratory system but can satellite out to other locations, like my throat, my eyes, my skin... it is the Battle of the Allergies...

In the spring, there are small skirmishes that are nothing more than minor annoyances (due to pollen from flowers mostly) and these are quickly quelled with Benadryl or, if bigger guns are required, Zyrtec... a couple of days, and nothing more until the fall...

but when the autumn approaches, so begins the gambit of the weeds and their pollen... it starts with some sneezing here and there, and some minor congestion... then, the throat begins to itch, but it is an itch that cannot be found and cannot be satisfied... sometimes, this itch feels like it is inside the middle ear. To pre-empt a larger attack Zyrtec is immediatly mobilized...

This allergen warrior, Zyrtec, has made the last several falls much more bareable - ever since my freshman year of college, I have counted on it to keep away the much nastier attacks of the allergies...

Total nasal congestion but yet a runny (as in a sprinting marathon) nose; puffy, watery, itchy, sticky eyes; throat so itchy that swallowing barbed wire cannot help; hives... oh the horror of hives...; itchy and puffy lips;

AAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!!

I can't talk about it anymore... it is just too terrible to mention...

[sigh]... I'm just glad that I am only slightly irritated... the partial nasal congestion, the slightly itchy middle ear and throat... and some muta in the morning... yeech...

yep - we are winning the battle, and that is bringing us closer to winning the war... let us hope that time does not run out before its conclusion...

[This ad was brought to you by the author... and is no way endorsing the sale of Zyrtec, although the name has appearred numerous times through out this entry... The opinions here are strictly opinions of the author and by no means reflect the stance of the owner and operator of this website, who is also the author, which kind of makes this statement redundant and nonsensical since the author is the owner and operator of the site and he is stating his opinion which is being disavowed by the operator who is the author who is stating his opinion... Also, since the author is not qualified to dispense medical opinion, this entry is by no means a reccomendation to others who happend to suffer due to similar if not the same conditions... Void where prohibited. Not vaild on the planet Earth or any of other planet in the System of Sol. No purchase necessary. You must be a resident of ___ on the date of ___ to win. See official contest rules for details]

WOW - I just realized how disgusting this post is!!! Props for getting this far into this entry!!!

I am not gross...

you just perceive me to be...

so it's your problem...

(but let me know if you need help solving your problem!)

spend all your time waiting for that second chance,

and a break that will make it okay.

you need a distraction, oh beautiful life

with vultures and theives at your back...

hmmm hmmm hmmm building, stop living a lie...

to make up for all that you lack....

you need a distraction, oh beautiful life
... ... ...

So those are completely the wrong words, and for some reason I keep singing them in a loop, for some reason or another, forver and ever... well - not quite forever, since I've since stopped since the last time since I've since sung the loop...

hee hee hee...

I love music and I love to listen to and feel the lyrics... but I need to love the music before I can truly love the lyrics - because the lyrics might be the deepest thing since the Mariana Trench, but if I can feel the music, then the lyrics need to find another instrumental...

Anyways, I thinks its so cool that people can get into music so much that they completely ignore the lyrics to the point where they make up the words or just go "hmm hmmm nah nah" or whatever...

some examples...

"Gimme the people and free my soul..." [Gimme the beat boys...]

"I can bring whole cities to ruin, and still have time to get us off chewin..."[... and still have time to get a soft shoe in]

"You are... on fire, the one... desire"[You are... my fire...]

"I just can't get it up, I just can't get it up"[I just can't get enough, I just can't get enough]

"This is your life, dancing free until the morning light"[This is your night]

But, this can always backfire - you could be jamming to a song and not even realize what the hell it is you are singing, even though you have the works perfectly right -

i.e. This one girl totally getting into the Collective Soul - December - head banging and shouting out "Don't scream about... Don't think aloud... Turn your head now baby, Just spit me out "

Hmm... now once this was pointed out to her, I bet you can imagine the embarassment - but sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, right? yeah... right...

or this, one of Kimmie's favorites, "I ain't looking for a friend, I'm just looking for a new beginning... All I want is your love, and you give it to me, give it to me all night..."

But whatever... bounce your head away... I will be content to listen whatever I can get my hands on and sing whatever lyrics I choose - so you you should too...

besides...

you can't stop me...

you don't have any Kryptonite...

"Music hath charm to soothe the savage breast,

To soften rock and bend the knotted Oak." ~William Congreve, The Morning Bride, Act I...

I am leaving work before 6... and there isn't even a blackout!!!

WOOO HOOOO!

for many people, the time comes when they must separate themselves from certain people in order for them to function correctly. Sometimes, this freedom comes shaped like living on campus during college, or working semesters in other parts of the country - but no matter how if happens, they realize that they must be free of that which constrains them...

Let's say "they" is you...

After you have your epiphanies (whenever it was you had them), God throws you a curve ball... you don't know why (and you really aren't meant to know) but He has decided to stick you right back where you feel the greatest repulsion. The place you had just figured out that you needed to leave has somehow got you trapped - again. Maybe you are trapped because of obligation, or by respect, or because of money, etc. etc. The fact is - you are there.

Now, you are given a myriad of options, but for some reason you, yes - you, have decided that you cannot possibly take certain options...

Fine, don't take them, that is your choice, but you must, must, must remember that even though you chose to limit yourself to other choices, those choices that you have denied yourself - whether it be pride, ethical, religious, cultural, political, etc. - still exist. Then you realize, that the choices you have left will not remedy the situation to your liking - it is either too slow, or not enough, or this, or that...

Which brings us to our dilemma - You do not like the situation you are in, but you do not like the choices to which you have limited yourself. What do you do?

Shoot the hostage, take her out of the equation ~Jack Traven

In my humble opinion (which I will state here because you can't stop me) there are two things you can do... One - compromise that which has limited you to this decision - or Two - suck it up and keep moving in the direction you are going (which can be construed as taking it lying down, being stupidly optimistic, or having faith - the latter of which I prefer)

I would think that option One would be easily done if it were just politics - a little harder if it is cultural - and, for many, much harder if it were just pride (although you could argue that this should be the easiest to swallow)... Now Ethics and Religion - If these are the two things that are holding you back, then the dilemma becomes much more difficult (or difficulter* (translated from the Bad English)

If it is Ethics, you can go against them, but this (in your eyes) will make you a bad person. Depending on what you based you values, this is open for interpretation, and you can even lie to yourself to get around your problem with morals... not something I would recommend doing, but I'm not one to crush other people's dreams (unless they, of course, involve something that detracts from the utility of others and myself)

If it is religion, then I am sorry - but if you truly have faith, then you have no choice but to follow it - or you're gonna go to HELL - well, unless of course you make a good confession... (this from my Catholic perspective)

But I won't get into that now...

From the option Two standpoint... If you are stuck in a situation, though, and you are religious (again, from my Catholic perspective) - then I would suggest you pray. All prayers are answered, but in His time, not yours... Perhaps the curve ball God threw you had greater meaning - you just won't know until He tells you, one way or another... in any case, you must just believe that He will take care of you...

walk with me...

and I'll tell you about it...

Oh... one more thing... I never said that it would be easy - in fact, from experience and from observance, it is pretty damned hard...

but that doesn't mean it won't get better...

Smile... and don't forget to dance...

... ... ...

Postscript -

Please note that no where in the above did I mention that I was a perfect Catholic, even a good Catholic... All I can tell you that I have my soul and I and I have my faith and that I try to do the best I can... that's all I can say about that...

there is no purpose to the following... I'm just trying to stay awake at work, and typing everything that first comes to mind usually helps....

right now I am assembly testing several programs... which is redundant because you cannot assembly test only one program since the whole point of an assembly test is to test how programs work together... but I guess I could assembly test only two programs which would not qualify as several, but only a couple...

which is more? several or a few... I always classifed few with three and several with four or more, and obviously a couple with two... the simple logic for stating that a few denotes three things is because "few" has three letters... that's it... my sisters believe something else, and we had a debate about it, but I guess it is all semantics anyways...

bi-weekly means every other week, twice in a week is semi-weekly... this transfers to monthly and yearly and annually, etc. etc. etc. always a confusing topic, especially if you are making posters...

new and improved... you've heard this one before I'm sure... (can't be improved if it is new and vice versa) so I'll leave that at that...

we were given new bomb threat checklists... how nice... there are seven questions on the list which were are supposed to ask... where is the bomb, when will it explode, what kind of bomb is it, what does the bomb look like, what will cause it to explode, did you place the bomb - why, what is your name - address...

With those types of questions we are sure to catch every single terrorists that calls us - as long as they are absolute stupid-heads... but we have to try, don't we? I mean, if we didn't and they were morons, then we would miss our chance - so, it seems to me that we have to take any bomb threat call like we are talking to a dunce. I'd better becareful if they ever call me though... I might be like...

caller: I have planted a bomb in your building

me: Dude, knock it off, I know this is you _____

caller: what? I am serious, if you don't comply to my demands then I will blow you up...

me: oh, alright - because you knew to call me because I have all the clout to do what it is you want... ok - I'll bite...

caller: hunh?

me: umm... here it is... ok dude - prove it - where is the bomb?

caller: LISTEN TO MY DEMANDS!!!

me: that's not on the list... first question - where did you put the bomb thingy?

caller: why would I tell you that? so the bomb squad can find it an disarm it?

me: ok... [writing down]did not answer question 1...

caller: I want the following to happen in the next 5 minutes...

me: listen man, I have a list here... if you can't follow it, I can't help you... Now, when will it explode...

caller: right now!!!

[KA-BLOOEY]

Yeah, that wouldn't be cool... anyhow, so while I'm talking to the mad bomber (what bombs at midnight!) I am to be holding up the question sheet, which has on the back "BOMB THREAT!" in big letters which will notify others to call the cops... I really shouldn't be looking at this so cheekily... this is serious stuff...

by the way, I am actually doing work while I write this... you see, when I run a test, it takes a minute to complete - so I am popping back and forth between my two laptops as I write this... just in case you were getting the idea that I was a complete and utter slacker... (I am not a complete and utter slacker...)

Well thanks for following me this far... I hope you were entertained, at least a little... I think my train of though makes a lot of loops and disappears into la-la land quite often...

Oh, if you hadn't noticed, I added a count down to Lorie's and my wedding... can't get the color right though... hmpf... gotta figure that one out...

I should get going though...

So, let's make the most of this beautiful day.

Since we're together we might as well say:

Would you be mine?

Could you be mine?

Won't you be my neighbor?

Won't you please,

Won't you please?

Please won't you be my neighbor?

~ Fred M. Rogers

yeah, well that bastard that invented the snooze button must have been the devil, because that thing screws me every morning...

I need to rewire my alarm so that the off button for the alarm is in the shower...

Every morning, after about the 3rd snooze, I will pop up like a mouse trap, shake my head a few times, look over at the clock, and interject...

"OH CRAP!"

Then I jump out of bed, grab a towel and run to the bathroom...

And so starteth another great day, the same way as almost every other day prior...

maybe I should just go to bed earlier... Lately, I have been trying to finish Back to the Future III before I fall asleep, but sleep has been beating me about 15 minutes into whatever chapter I'm on... also, I end up reading a lot of blogs right before I sleep... (not that reading blogs help me sleep - quite the contrary in fact - I get inspired and then I want to read or write more...)

Thinking back on all my mornings though, I can't help but laugh that I do the same thing every morning... I could video tape myself waking up, and make a montage of a month of that happening, that would be quite funny... hmm...

perhaps... perhaps... perhaps...

I have noticed lately that there has been a flurry of old friends reappearing on the radar screen... it seems that all of my friends that have been away doing graduate programs have completed them and are now back home looking for work... also, I am now of the age that a lot of my friends are getting married and a lot of people that I remember as little tykes are now graduating high school... where has the time gone? (a subject for another time, to be sure)

In high school, there was a time when my social life consisted of... ahem... Quiz Bowl practice... and Bust-a-Move (of the bubble bobble variety), and, later, going to movies and coffee houses... My closest friends (my inner circle, barkada if you will) would gather in my basement and we would go back and forth passing the controllers to each other whilst listening to the popping of bubbles and the really catchy but very silly soundtrack (well, it was stuck in my head so much that I added some break beats to a couple of the tracks once I started college, you know, to make it more tolerable to those not familiar with the game) but I digress, these friends slowly went to their different colleges, and slowly faded from the foreground while new friends were made or in many cases rekindled... but as college came and went - from house parties to clubbing to bar hopping to whatever social event was the flavor of the week... then, after college, careers and graduate degrees were sought, and many of these friendships also dissipated - leaving behind only the closest of the close...

But now that I have become accustomed to my career and now that I am settling down, I am finding that many of the friends that I have lost track of, lost track of me the same way I lost track of them... you stop caring about going out every night of every weekend. your social appearances start become less frequent, because the reasons you used to go (finding a significant other, showing off, because you were underage and found a decent fake, etc, etc) are no longer valid reasons. You start to think, why the hell am I paying $20 for cover and then paying $7 for one drink, when I can get a bottle for $20 and hang out with the same friends in a more relaxed setting doing things that actually bring us closer and don't leave us smelling like cigarette butts and sweat... (don't get me wrong, there are times when you want to go out and just dance, dance, dance - but your desire to do that - which,by the way, should be like everyday - gets outweighed by all of the reasons not to go out...)

SO, I start to see these old friends at functions and we start catching up, and then it brings back all of the memories and all of the times you shared and all of the reasons why you liked them so much... then comes the typical - "We should hang out" line, but you are too lazy and they are probably lazy as well - because then all of the reasons that you became distant come back, but really aren't valid anymore, but things go on until the next time you see them again, and the same thing happens...

This cycle is a tragedy, but how do you keep all of your friendships alive? It takes a lot of work, and I guess my thing is that high maintenance friends are not a thing that you need to sweat, for now, especially if you are planning and saving for a wedding and a house... also, I barely have time to talk with my closest friends... how do I fit in everyone else?

arrgghh... where the hell am I going with this?

Basically I want to end the cycle of old friends coming in and out, and just bring them in...

I need to finish (and revise this) later when I can let everything get absorbed into my head and I can rearrange it so I don't sound like a complete idiot...

but I think I'm too late on the sounding like an idiot part..

Today was one of those days where I was a lazy bum and I sat on my butt, turned off my mind and played dr. mario for a good three hours (things got really crazy when Eric showed up and we played head-to-head) - during which time Lorie and Anna were trying to make us feel guilty for "neglecting" them, when they knew that we knew full well they were content to talk to each other about shopping and manicures while watching us boys and making commentary about how unskilled we are at playing dr. mario... (we really aren't that bad, but I do admit it is enjoyable to poke fun)

oh - let me describe how "crazy" actually is...

[dr. mario music playing in the background, blips and beeps from them turning of the colored pills and sound effects of the viruses being eliminate]

eric: "Hee-hee, I can't get over how it sounds like the game is farting"

ryan: "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" (he just mispositioned a pill) "I'm toast I'm toast I'm toast I'm toast I'm toast I'm toast I'm toast I'm toast"

eric: "UGH!!! CRAP! I'm sooooo dead!!!" (mistook one colored pill for another, blocking his next move)

anna: "Dude, what are you doing? Do you even know how to play?"

eric: "Who are you talking to?"

anna: "Which ever one of you is listening, you both suck!"

ryan: "SSSSSSSHHHHHHH!!!! Shut up!!! I can't concentrate!"

lorie: "Goose? Look at this!!! Isn't it sooooo nice?" (looking at a catalogue)

ryan: "WOOOOOHOOOOOO!!! HAHAAAAA!!!" (recovering from previous disaster) "Wha? huhn? umm, yeah."

lorie: "You don't even care..." (fake pouting)

ryan: "umm... uh... sorry babie..."

eric: "OH! OH! OH! YEAH!" (also recovering from disaster)

ryan: "AAARRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!! Dammit - dude! you just blocked me with tha - CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! I'm dead. AARRRGGGHHH!"

That pretty much rounds out the conversations we had during the 1.5 hours of head to head dr. mario - perhaps that is not so crazy... but it sure was loud...

Afterwards, we got to devour a mint chocolate chip ice cream cake, which was a part of a celebration of Lorie's sister's birthday... the cake was about 14 inches in diameter and 5 inches tall... I would say I had 1/8th of the cake... so not that much, really... I think.

So, anyways... why do girls find it necessary to make boys feel guilty? [Has nothing to with previous - completely separate random thought] Whatever it is, not matter whose fault it is, girls always have ways to turn the blame onto the guy... Even if the girl knows that she screwed up, somehow the conversation gets shifted to something the guy wrong did in the last week that has no relation whatsoever to what the girl just messed up... When this first started happening to me I would just suck it up and apologize, no questions asked... but now I point it out first chance I get... nip it in the bud before the fact that I'm always late (when there is no specific time for me to arrive) pops up in a conversation - again... [editor's note: this type of conversation is probably the worst any of our "arguments" actually get - communication is a big thing with us, so as to avoid those pent-up-frustrated-over-flowing-damn-breaking-total-screaming-and-yelling fights]

where was I? hmm... well, I guess I lost that train...

so I will stop...

uh...

here.

*For those not in the know, Dr. Mario is a game involving Mario Mario (of Mario Bros. and Super Mario Bros. fame) where Mario is a "doctor" (I don't know how he did it, from giant gorilla tamer, to plumber, to heroic plumber, to boxing referee, to golf pro, to doctor.. where does he find the time?) anyways, there are three types of viruses, distinguishable by their shape and color (although color is the primary characteristic around which this game revolves - I imagine the different virus shapes are for those that are color blind - well, that or to keep monotony away...) and these viruses can only be destroyed by dropping the same color pill on the viruses, forming a straight line of a minimum of four, made up of pills and viruses... once you have cleared the screen of viruses then you move on to the next level or you beat your opponent (assuming he hasn't already cleared his board) - there is the old school nintendo version and the N64 version, the latter being the one we were playing...

apparently the water restrictions are over... WOOHOO!

it looks like we have the crisis whipped... now we just have to get my sister's car and we'll be all set...

It has been about 30 hours since we were left in the Dark Ages... literally...

It was fun - parts... walking around our dark house with only candle light to find the flashlights, squealing like kindergarteners at every little shadow that moved from the flickering flame, walking around outside in the eerie silence and, surprisingly, bright moonlight - watching the shadows cast by the moon on one of the clearest nights in my recent memory... spending the most quality time spent with my family that has been spent in a while...

What was not fun - melting food, unwashed dishes, no gasoline, having to postpone bathroom breaks until absolutely necessary - amongst other things...

I once asked my mom if she had to deal with stuff like this while she was home in the Philippines, she said,

"No, not really..."

Hmpf... I guess that had something to do with the fact that my Lolo was a lawyer and they had maids and stuff and she never had to think about stuff like changing light bulbs or fuses, or washing clothes, or doing dishes... At least she can never hit me with the "When I was you age..." spiels.

Oh well...

by the way, I have the setting for chapter x... mostly...

Oh, and check out Eric's list of goodies (Friday, August 15, 2003), if you want to know what you should have in case we have another extended outage...

but this light actually came in the form of the air conditioner kicking on...

we have just completed an 18 hour period of zero electric power and we are still under a water restriction...

I am absolutely sticky and stinky... (it probably wasn't a good idea to play soccer during a time we aren't allowed to take showers...)

the thing that struck me the most though, during this period, that people were not going bonkers... I did not see a lot of road rage and people were pretty nice to each other, in a situation where it would be rather easy to blow up at someone.

people helping people... so nice....

Oh, so I was driving home from soccer yesterday (remember, no power still - so no traffic lights)... as I was jamming (as in bouncing my head to the beat, pretending to play drums, and doing pointy-finger dancing...) in my car to some compliation cd I made (which had a lot of Erasure, New Order, and Depeche Mode) a long time ago - in the car next to me, a middle aged woman, with a sour look on her face turned and saw me in my exuberance... I turned to look at her, and flashed a huge grin whilst continuing my dance - she shook her head slightly and then started smiling and laughing... that was nice... then a few cars down, a family was driving along - they all noticed me, although I don't know how long, and they were all just staring at me in disbelief... I looked over and basically started head banging... som e how I got the mom head banging with me and everyone started cracking up... that was nice too...

during the outage, my family (including my mother) sat around the kitchen table, playing Texas Hold-em in the candle light... it was awesome.

but now that the power is back on...

WE CAN KARAOKE!!!

yeah...

(but if it rains... I am so rinsing myself off outside...)

p.s. everything is cool here... at least I didn't have to drive to work today.

ok... just for the record...

the world as I know it... (meaning in my sphere of contact) has lost electricity...

not power...

thus there will be traffic jams on the road... and I am at work only because I have a charged battery...

since no one can work... I thought I save this moment for posterity...

I'm off to play soccer now...

Drama!

One rule for us, for you another...

Do unto yourself as you see fit for yor brother

Is that not within your realm of understanding?

A fifty second capacity of mind, too demanding?

Well the poor unfortunate you...

There are a myriad of things that you can do,

Like pick up a pen and paper or go and talk to a friend...

The history of the future:

No violence or revenge

Your shame is never ending...

Just one psychological drama after another...

You are guilty, and how you ever entered into this life -

God only knows. (The infinite complexities of love)

We all have the ability...

Our freedom is fragile...

We all laugh and we cry, don't we?

We all bleed and we smile...

Your shame is never ending...

Just one psychological drama after another...

You are guilty, and how you ever entered into this life -

God only knows. (We're not to sacrifice the art of love)

Your shame is never ending...

Just one psychological drama after another...

We are guilty, and how we ever entered into this life -

God only knows. (The infinite complexities of love)

We are guilty, and how we ever entered into this life -

God only knows. (We're not to sacrifice the art of love)

We are guilty, and how we ever entered into this life -

God only knows. (the infinite complexities of love)

We are guilty, and how we ever entered into this life -

God only knows. (The ultimate necessity of love)

~ Erasure

but dammit, there are times that make you wonder -

"If I had not said what I said, would what had happened have happened"

earlier this week, I was thinking about the different applications for which I am responsible, and I said (to myself) "Hey self, you know, these programs are running really smoothly - I haven't had to think about them in quite some time. I guess I ironed out all of the wrinkles"

then today, when i get in, there is voicemail waiting for me... it was a freaked out partner saying how all of his data in the inventory universe is missing and that it was my fault and that I should get my s#!% together or get the f&@% out...

well, not quite that, maybe just the first 10 or 11 words... apparently some automatic triggers were a little off causing this comotion, that, mixed with the fact this partner is on paternity (yes, paternity) leave, the message I would have had yesterday afternoon didn't come across my field of view until this morning...

[When I was in Japan, there was a group call "Field of View" that sang a song called Do-tzuzen (All of a sudden) - it was pretty catchy and I used to know all of the words... but alas, alack... my memory fades - but I digress]

Anyhow, so I had to hustle and get help from my team members to fix this, which our primary support person has so graciously volunteered to do - or, rather, was required to do... but I'm glad he's doing it, all the same...

But he said "You know Ryan, this wouldn't have happened if you hadn't thought about it..."

and I said...

"Yeah... shut up..."

my neck hurts... or is it my shoulders?

I don't know - there is just a point of discomfort and I can't get to it... perhaps it is because I consumed too much caffeine...

chapter x is ready...

I am now frantically searching for Alleve...

[minutes later]

The Alleve has been located and ingested. I must now wait for the Alleve to take effect. While I am waiting, please stay on the line, and the first available operator will get to you in the order of your call... thank you!

I have decided that - although I am usually humorous (as in comedic, not the arm bone) - I want to be funnier than usual... This decision did not come lightly, but in order for my desire to come to fruition, I must stay up later and later... This way everything will be funnier!

I know you've noticed - everything is much funnier later in the night than in the morning after you wake up.

Perhaps, this is why they have so many late shows - because the comedian and hosts have realized that they are much funnier at night as well and they are capitalizing on this fact.

I bet the shows on even later than that are even funnier than the ones that precede it... only I wouldn't know, because that late at night I am in one of four states...

1. High stress and pressure because I have a deadline

2. Utterly absorbed into some kind of PC game (because I'm a dork, but at least I have Eric, Kris, Luis, or Chris to be a dork with)

3. Completely helpless with laughter due to the antics of the other people who are up with me, because everything they do or say is funny

4. Totally and most definitely passed out...

In any of the above cases, I would not be watching television, and therefore cannot bear witness to the obvious hilarity on so late at night...

ok.. so where was I? Oh yeah... my conclusion - I will stay up later because I am funnier later at night...

nhb bnh

thats my face hitting the keyboard...

it's really not that late right now... but I'm an old man...

GET OFF THE LAWN!

Does food classified as spicy or piquant affect the unconcious mental activity known as dreaming? Dreams occuring after the consumption of "spicy" food tend to result in unusual (or strange) dreams whereas dreams occuring after the consumption of "normal" food (control) were only minimally strange.

Subjects #1, #2, and #3 were used in this experiment to demonstrate how the spiciness of food can affect dreams.

Subject #1 was given no food for 72 hours. Only vitamin supplements and water.

Subject #2 was given a regular hamburger (with lettuce and tomato and ketchup, no onions, no cheese, no mustard), french fries, and a diet, caffeine free cola.

Subject #3 was given Chicken Pad Se-ew - hot spice level and in large servings, Thai Iced Tea, and white rice.

Subject #1 did not dream, well, if he did he could not communicate it. After the first 24 hour period he communicated that he did not have a dream, or at least could not recall a dream. After 48 hours, we could not hear his voice over the grumbling in his stomach. After 72 hours, his mouth was continually stuffed with food, making any de-briefing impossible.

Subject #2 dreamed. Nothing unusual.

The following is an excerpt from the imaginary dream journal of Subject #3:

I found myself walking along the street of my neighborhood. As I reached the end of the block I had discovered that I was suddenly in the middle of Time Square, except instead of streets, there were canals, and lakes replaced several city blocks.

I walked along the sidewalks next to the canals - for some reason, the sidewalks were still in tact and there were bridges over the canals for the sidewalks to continue. The sidewalks were stereotypical New York sidewalks, except for the fact that everyone was talking and smiling at each other.

I continued walking, and I noticed I was wearing my red and white pin-stripe pajamas - except that I don't own and red and white pin-stripe pajamas. My fuzzy white opened-toed slippers (which I also do not own) were getting wet from the water pooling on the sidewalk.

I seemed to be in a confused state, so I walked up to the first smiling, talking New Yorker and asked,

"Do you know what is going on?" A general question, at best. Then the man looked at me, suddenly stopped smiling and, in the scariest monotone, said,

"Yes, I do - but we aren't allowed to tell you." I looked at him, wide-eyed for a moment before turning to run in the opposite direction. Why was I being excluded? Had someone informed them ? What was it that someone would have informed to those that would keep me from knowing what about the current happenings in general? In a flash, the sky darkened (I had just realized it was blue until this moment - funny how you only notice things gone when they leave) and the water in the canals were getting choppy and a thin drizzle started to fall.

I looked around and saw familiar people in a nearby boat - I say familiar because I felt that I knew these people and that they were somehow connected to me, but I could not make out their identities because I could not see their faces (or I cannot remember them from the dream, as I am now awake and trying to remember the dream) - I quickly jumped in the boat and we were racing away towards a destination, unknown to me, but obviously known to my familiars.

Looking over the back of the boat, I saw buildings where the lakes had replaced the city blocks - but, to my surprise, the buildings were not actually buildings, but numerous water tornadoes. These water devils were everywhere, I counted maybe 50 or so of varying widths, and they all seemed to extend from the dark clouds to the water.

We (and when I say "we", I really mean "they" as in the familiars, because I was in the back of the boat, sitting quietly, which is strange because the boat was being thrown around quite a bit and I was able to maintain my perfect posture and balance in my seat) raced in and out of the waterways of the canals, through the building and between the water tornadoes, several of which actually hit the boat and sprayed its occupants with torrents of water.

And then I died.

(Well, er... no, I didn't actually die, I don't even think I was remotely hurt, but I thought it would be much more interesting if I did. So pretend I did...)

All of a sudden, I hear an orchestra playing... the scene slowly dissolves and I awaken to the alarm of my cell phone...

This subject experienced high detail and sensation during his dreams. This is obviously attributed to the amount of spicy food he consumed.

No psychological evaluation was conducted on any of the subjects. Subjects #1 and #2 do not actually exist outside of this write up, they were just manifested to give a false credence to methods used to conduct this experiment. Also, the fact that Subject #3 is also the author of this thesis should have no bearing on the validity of this proposition.

These test are not repeatable, in fact, I doubt that the subject will ever have the same dream again - if he does, I am quite sure he won't remember it. Also, the type of spicy food probably has no affect on the outcome of this conclusion - the amount of spiciness is most likely a driving factor. Evidence also suggests that this could be an isolated incident - but that evidence has been thoroughly destroyed.

Conlusion: People will have strange dreams after eating a lot of spicy food...

BTW: This conclusion is second only to the Theory of the Ritz Cracker:

"Ritz crackers will make numbness go away" ~ Anna

Disclaimer:This thesis is of the definition "hypothetical proposition, especially one put forth without proof"

why is it, do you suppose, that weeping, on occaision, is described as bitter? I would assume it has something to do with the emotions one feels whilst they weep, as weeping is almost certainly salty and not bitter...

well, unless your mascara is running and you get a good taste of that...

(not that I have ever had mascara run, although I did use some for one eye when I dressed up as Alexander de Large one halloween... probably not the best idea for a costume, but it was certainly an easy costume)

but it is just a guess that mascara is bitter...

In 1948, George Orwell made a scary and deadly accurate prediction of the future... although his 1984 was a few decades off, the message is quite clear and that imagined world is not far removed from the world we live in today...

The only reason I bring this up is because, over the last 3 years, my access to the outside world through work is slowly being denied... there is no way they will be able to cut me off, but they are making it much more difficult for me, and I am starting to get annoyed.

A scant few months after starting working for my current client, I was denied the use of instant messaging tools - this damaged my ability to communicate with co-workers (but mostly damaged my ability to randomly chat with friends to break up my work day) I will submit though that my productivity did increase, however slight, due to this fact.

Today, I have discovered that I have been denied access to Friendster, which has, of late, been one of my top 10 pass times when I'm bored at work... at least for the last four months now...

I understand the motives behind moves this company has been making, but I don't have to like them... they already probably know that I'm online most of the day on sites totally unrelated to work... they are probably watching me type this entry, and they probably know all of my passwords...

I dread the day when I will be not allowed access to Babiegoose.com - if that happens - you will find me curled into a fetal position, and there will be bitter weeping...

Bastards!

Damn The Man!

because sometimes, you're a stranger too... ~ Jim

but if they are creepy or threatening or something like that... then run away as fast as you can... and if they make a move towards you, kick them and then run away as fast as you can.

I always find that annoying when people are being attacked (in movies, because I have certainly never assaulted anyone - on purpose [but I guess assault implies intent, so the "on purpose" is rather superfluous] or sat and watched anyone get assaulted, unless I thought they deserved it - which has never happened), - anyhow, when they kick or hit the assailant,

they stop and pause to see what will happen...

like the attacker will spontaneously implode or melt away or fall down in a dead faint.

RUN PEOPLE.

Watching the fruits of your work in these cases gives the hoodlum time to recuperate, when really what you should have been doing is pretending you are Marion Jones and there's a gold medal waiting a mile away while you are fumbling for your cell phone and trying to call the cops...

"Are you stalking me? Because that would be super!" ~ Van Wilder

It's always nice to have admirers - which are simply well-behaved stalkers. I must admit, I have had my share of stalkees and have been the focus of many-a-stalker...

well... maybe a couple...

or... more like... one...

But I must admit, I am quite skillful at stalking - to a point - then I get bored easily and move on to the next victim... kind of like a cat and it's prey - you know, how the cat will bat around his point of interest until he either eats it or it dies and he gets bored with it... or he could just get bored with it... without the dying part... and not that I have ever eaten (or come even close to eating) any of the people I have "admired", that is appalling... nor have I ever caused the death of any person... at least that is what my mind is telling me...

but I could be crazy...

I recently came across this amusing little fax:

Hello! Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are depressed, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.

Yup, someone much more clever than I came up with that...

it's funny... (funny ha-ha, not funny strange)

laugh.

"THIS, I COMMAND!" ~ Serpentor

I've gone and done it again...

there is a ritual in which I partake, a couple, sometime a few, times a week...

it involves running around in circles (physically) and chasing a ball that you just forced away from you with the firm intent of rustling the ball into a big mesh of string.

this ritual often leaves my legs quite tired and occasionally sore. you would think that I would not experience such soreness, since I have been participating in this activity for several months now - and truth be told - the said soreness is alleviated after a few hours.

today, however - it seems to have left my legs in a state of confusion (figuratively - not literally, my legs are still very attached to my hip sockets, and all contained within the integumentary system - and I am not aware of a state in the Union named "Confusion") they seem sore, but they do not seem tired...

as sore as these appendages are, they are still happily bouncing up and down as if they were anticipating their next use... this deeply disturbs me, since I was abusing them for almost 4 straight hours... granted there were several long periods where they were not in use, but, man, did I use my legs...

some people, however, seem to be endowed with more leg prowess then myself. I am certainly not slow, but I am no where in the same league as, say... faster people... I submit to this fact, and I will trudge on with my not-so-fast legs and my pseudo-weak stamina and my inability to actually perform the ritual correctly...

there are two guru to which I look to for guidance in this ritual... they patiently pass their knowledge and stomach every mishap during my performance with dignity. I owe them much... (if you are reading this - thank you - you know who you are)

leave me now...

I must nurse my legs.

My company has these community meetings, probably once a quarter on a Friday, where we get the entire Michigan practice together from our "division" and do "training" - the provide us breakfast, lunch, and alcohol (and sometimes dinner with the alcohol) at different places around south east Michigan.

Yesterday, we went to Greenfield Village and the Henry Ford Museum (You know, the dude that created The Ford Motor Company) for our quarterly meeting. The village and museum are rather quaint and filled with historical facts and artifacts. It so happens that Lorie was allowed to accompany me to the meeting - as we were allowed to bring family or a significant other (I can't imagine, of course, people bringing their family and their significant other - that would just be scandalous).

Whilst I was being a studious employee, listening to the discussions and lectures about how we should do things and how we should teach things, etc. - Lorie was cavorting around the Henry Ford Museum (Apparently, museums have exhibits which people find interesting and educational) Sometime during her expedition she came across a machine in which you could waste a dollar on plastic molds in the shape of significant historical figures. She, being the curious tyke, deposited the requisite buck and the machine birthed a mini-Henry Ford.

Now, I thought this was rather funny (interesting) that Lorie was carrying around this little man in her party-favor bag because I learned, somewhere, that aside from being the creator of the Model-T and assembly line, Ford was an anti-semitic, Hitler supporting, megalomaniac who authored the International Jew, a novel which was used as a reference for that silly little book Hitler wrote...

And you thought history 101 was "objective"...

Talk about a having two-faces. How do you handle facts like that? The funny thing is - this probably wasn't unusual back then, and it wouldn't surprise me if it was happening now, but how, in the name of Zeus's butthole, should you deal with that?

It's just one of those things they don't talk about at parties in the Motor City...

On a completely unrelated side note: that mini-statue somehow lost his head...

(I didn't do it...)

as of late, I have not been much of a drinker... nope - I have not imbibed much alcohol - well.. not so much that I'm more than a little buzzed... and certainly not the quantities consumed during my college days...

but today... for some unknown reason, I got drunk in front of my colleagues from work... I don't think I was fully drunk while I was with them, but I was certainly drunk after I left them.

I do hope I did not give them the impression that I was drunk... I think they suspected though...

I have a slight headache right now... so I'm going to put my head down and drink a lot of lemonade...

(I hear that taking pain killers for a hangover or whatever is bad for your liver or something...)

Although I had the chance to see you this past weekend, why do you find it necessary to leave my side so quickly? I was hoping that you would give me a few moments here, or there, but lately you have been scared away by bullies known as Work and Responsibility.

But the funniest thing about you, Free, is that I always think I see you, but then you turn out to be someone else... I once confused you for Laundry and Errands. If you were there, you are very tricky in how you replace yourself with those others. I know that your alter-egos are Fun and Games, but I also have a sneaking suspicion that you might also go by the names Lazy or Bored.

You know what, Mr. Time? I don't think we should see each other again until I'm ready, I need to re-prioritize everything again, and somehow I think you're not going to be there for that. I will probably see you around though, but probably not more that an hour here or there.

I need to go though, because you favorite bully, Work, is breathing down my neck. Not that I don't like him (because I actually do) its just that I got distracted when I started to think about you. You bastard.

Next time you visit me, make sure you are committed to me...

or I'll cry...

Your Truly,

Ryan

p.s. The next time you do decide to come around, please bring your friends - Ideas, Energy, and Cash Money - you seem to have an easier time when they're around.

I am not a scholar...

I never claimed to be. I might know a shit load of trivial things and a handful of useful things, but all I can tell you is what I have been able to glean from the puzzle of the life that I have lived and from the observations I have made and from the feelings I have...

I will most likely never know everything I would like to know. I will most likely never speak another language fluently, other than English. I will most likely never fly due to the funky powers I get from our yellow sun. I will most likely never ... [fill in the blank]

but regardless of what I will most likely never do, I still dream about it, what it would be like, how it would change my life - and that fills me with hope -

dreams...

they move you, no matter how futile or how asinine...

Everyone has dreams like that - something that inspires and something that can fill your heart, fill your chest with that feeling, that essence of something...

You talk about those dreams with your friends and families, you make wishes, you quietly think them to yourself, and they make you happy...

you know that feeling... [that feeling you entertain before reality sets in]

Now, think of a place and time where you feel secure. The safest place you have ever known, where you are warm and you feel that no one can get to you and harm you. I get a calm and warm feeling, like there is a comfortable weight over my entire being - like I'm wrapped in an invisible, impenetrable, warm, fluffy blanket.

Now, take both those feelings and put them together. Can you imagine feeling this way all off the time?

These are feelings that I always carry with me, although they may not be directly on the surface. Sometimes, so much junk gets piled on top that sometimes its really hard to feel these feelings, but they never go away. Even with all of the shit I have to go through, I am still here and I am still functioning and I am still living.

So life sucks sometimes -

if you don't like the spot you occupy... move.

there is plenty of room in this world. something is bound to click.

don't worry about the guy next to you - so maybe his journey looks easier that yours. His is a different path, and he's probably looking at you thinking the same thing you are. Appearances are deceiving. Someone who looks perfectly happy might be dangeroulsy depressed. Someone apperaing withdrawn and antisocial can be exuberant, but can only express it through art or through music, for actions and speech do his feelings no justice... Something so ugly on the outside might have an inner beauty so intense that you become blinded by it. Something too good to be true... probably is...

I have been duped many times, occaisionally resulting in pleasant surprises and excitment, but usually anguish and embarrassment. Afterwards, when I have picked my head up and stopped focusing on my "suffering", I realized that I'm fine, maybe poorer $400, but dammit I learned a lot. I have been forged by the fire and have added another fold to my razor sharp edge. I am stronger, faster, better...

through it all, though, I hold on to those feelings of security and those feelings from my dreams. those feelings are interlaced in my body, they are components of my soul... I call those feelings faith and hope...

All my life, someone or Someone has been holding my hand as I walk through life...

if you do not feel what I have felt (but just relatively recently defined) my whole life ,

then my wish for you...

is that you could feel what I feel...

that I could give you a piece of me, and help you to find it within yourself...

but that is the choice, now, isn't it?

And, if something comes so easy - would you really want it?

For me, it's the journey - long and short, wearisome and rejuvenating, disheartening and inspiring - that counts...

because the end is inevitable.

... ... ...

Here. Take my hand...

... ... ...

-The choice is yours... you can get with this, or you can get with that...

~ Black Sheep

humans are capable of higher functions than what the id desires and therefore should be held to those higher functions...

to give in to every desire is just lazy, amongst other things...

... ... ...

if we are given the intellectual mechanisms to recognize and learn that there is more to living than what we crave on the most basic level, then why would we hold ourselves to that level.

But the opposite is also a quandary... we have the intellect to create things that are new and powerful and advanced, but do we need to create them? If it's purpose is to destroy, then why build it?

but whatever... I am, admitedly, focused on the world immediately surrounding me, since I have no ambition to try to change the world on any stage other than the one on which I am standing and maybe a few below it and a few above it... beyond that, it does not register...

You can't change the world but you can make a dent. ~ Sheldon Mopes

kris made it back in 11.5 hours...

that was some damn good driving.... give him props next time you see him...

plus he drove the whole way, because I am a useless bastard in a car after 4 hours and he is a trooper...

(in my defense I did stay up for 10 of the 11.5 hours - on the way back. I was only up for 8 of the 12.5 it took us to get there)

I am smelly and my teeth are fuzzy... I will retire for the night...

if you're lucky, I'll tell you exactly how chill this weekend was...

G'night!

the mutt ravaged our papa john's cheese sticks and pizza...

he also chewed up all the napkins...

this is a pretty serious offense - which is punishable by death...

but since it is not my dog - I'll need to talk to Hector about...

...

...

I'm kidding!

I would never consider hurting a dog, let alone euthanizing a dog, for such an act...

nope - I just stopped playing with it and I kicked his toys around so he couldn't get to them...

he needed to be punished and I couldn't figure out a direct but humane punishment... so his toys had to suffer...

Call me a snob, but I truly, now, appreciate well dressed people with rhythm... and you don't even have to be good looking either...

this very second I am in the company of two of my closest friends in the world... and we are doing exactly what it is we do best...

drinking, playing bar games, playing video games, vegging out and relazing as we prepare to hit the bars and go dancing with people with whom I have nothing in common except for the fact that we are all in a bar or club in Kansas City.

This morning Kris and I completed a 12 hour drive from Michigan to Missouri (which I spent absolutely 0 hours driving - because I tend to fall asleep after about 30 minutes in a car)...

We arrived at Luis's sister's house where we found our friend, Luis, wearing boxers (as he was performing the ritual known as "laundry")

After several hours of attempting to get some sleep, we headed out to a bar and commenced with the male-bonding rituals that were routinely performed during our stint in the University of Detroit-Mercy...

It is apparent that this type of behavior is very beneficial, as it seems to replenish our verve for life.

We have returned to a state of "vegging" due to the fact that there are about 4 hours left prior to our night-time excursion into the night life of the City of Kansas, Missouri...

Currently, Diego (Luis's brother's shihtzu) is curling up next to me... This mutt has obviously made a connection with me for some unknown reason and I will join in the playful antics of which this dog seems to enjoy...

This break was sorely needed...

I will regale my exploits as I find availability...

Please note: I am slightly buzzed at the moment, so I am very amazed at my ability to even communicate this to this blog...