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So some of you may or may not know this about me but....I LOVE HOCKEY!! I love everything about hockey..I love the competitiveness of it, how quick they are on the ice, the stick handling, quick line changes, the fights, how quickly a game can change over in a matter of seconds...everything. I don't know how & when this love for hockey started, but it was a long time ago. I mean me of all people, who doesn't like being stressed out loving hockey when all of it can change so quickly..pretty crazy!! I do remember my mom watching hockey on t.v - my dad could have cared less. To this day, it still holds true. My dad has no understanding of the penalty box or the playoff beard and was wondering why Chuck Gaidica (the weather guy on Channel 4) wasn't shaving. My dad actually asked about it over dinner one night and my mom told him, it's for the playoffs, don't you know? Ahhh...so cute!

So this season, starting from way back in October, I was again superstitious. Now, I'm not normally a superstitious person, but it definitely comes out during hockey season and Michigan football. For every game, I had to have something pertaining to the Red Wings on. However during the playoffs, it comes down to one item that has taken us to that point. This year, it was my black Red Wings Stanley Cup Champs 2008 shirt - last year, it was my jersey (which got a bit hot at times). I have to admit, I go pretty far with the whole thing. Even carrying it in my purse to one of my friends wedding and not washing it during the entire playoffs...the whole nine yards. My sisters think I'm crazy, Ryan asked me if I was serious about not washing it the whole time, and Kimmie - well I'm sure she questions my sanity during the playoffs. I just feel that I need to do my part in helping them win. So now the season has come to an end. Unfortunately not so favorably for me. I may be called selfish by others for rooting for them and wanting the Cup, but isn't that what the whole season leads up to? Penguin fans - Congrats. You played extremely well.

Boys, you gave us a good season, and I will always ♥ the Red Wings!!!

Oh...and goose - it's Zetterburg, not Gyllenhaal.

shamelessness in asking...

You shall not put your Lord God to the test... we ask Him not to put us to the test. "Lead us not into temptation". The verse from the Bible is something like - Do not submit us to the Final Test. The final test being the actual belief in God. In the Our Father, we are asking God to not let us be tempted with disbelief of Him. We ask that everytime we pray.

You shall not put your Lord God to the test. We cannot expect that if we pray that our prayers will be answered. We cannot expect that even *if* we pray we should not expect quid pro quo. It doesn't work like that. The signs of faith are all around us. The works of God are all around us. Life is a miracle. Talk to any doctor. The journey and chance and struggle it is for life to even be conceived is astronomical in the actual calculated percent of success.

We should be praying - shamelessly - for gifts from God. We should not expect them, and we should be very thankful if we do receive them. Gifts are gifts and should be cherished, not demanded.

There is no formula for praying that will lead to a predetermined reciprocation. Everything we have is because of God. There is not one thing we do not owe Him.To think otherwise is vain and foolish and selfish.

When you ask for something from someone, what are you counting on when you reach out to a person? Love and kindness. If you are expecting compliance, you are not asking, but telling - ordering - and that is not love. If they oblige that request, it will probably be out of duty and obligation. It could also be about love, but that is love from them, not from you...

what are the gifts that you have that you haven't been thankful for... what do you take for granted? Why do we feel that we are entitled to anything?

"Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth" ~Matthew 5:5

there is nothing likes starting off the week after a long weekend -

well, except for starting off the week with more vacation... but this isn't the case.

long weekends are good, especially those when one happens to triple or quadruple the normal caloric intake from food alone (not to mention alcohol)

but regardless, long weekends make starting off the next week a little easier...

except for when starting it off in a panic...

albeit, this panic was short-lived since I couldn't see the clock clearly as I had previously removed my contact lenses, so what I thought was 9:00am was really 8:00am...

then there's the whole getting to the airport at what you thought was going to be 30 minutes prior to boarding (which is 30 minutes before the flight actually leaves) to find, due to the fact that the flight crew was delayed, you are actually there one hour and 30 minutes before the flight even boards...

no problem, because this time you were smart enough to bring a book. here is the wonderful thing about books: given adequate reading light, they do not require any sort of power source. heck , even without a power source you could probably read the book, although it would probably result in some form of headache... in any case, the reason not requiring a power source is wonderful is that you can read a book the entire time you are on the plane - you don't have to wait until the flight attendants informed the passengers that is ok to use electronic equipment except for those that receive or transmit signals - phones, radios, tv's, etc... and you don't have to put them away once the plane has begun the descent.

and we slept the night away...

I'm usually brave...okay, maybe not so much with our basement, but work wise, I would like to think that I am. Today made me second guess that notion. I'm not gonna lie....I seriously got a little freaked out. So normally we don't discuss sites due to confidentiality...but I don't think anyone really reads my blogs....so it's like I'm talking to myself and I don't plan on getting into the details.

On with the story...lets just say there's this huge hospital that's been abandoned for 5 years...and we're tasked to conduct a site assessment by a government entity. We did an initial sweep in Level B but then were able to downgrade to Level C because there's not a lot of harmful chemicals detected on our air monitoring. There is a ton of asbestos and mold throughout the building. I didn't do the initial Level B entry but did the 2nd Level C entry. Let's just say this hospital is 5 stories high and also has a basement. We began working from the basement because it was the main area of concern. Well in the basement, there is also a sub-basement - where the electrical room is and boiler room and things like that. You may not think this is scary...but let me add - there is no power in the building. All the light fixtures and wires are hanging from the ceiling due to the scraping of metals. Crap (not literally) all over the floor. Patients medical records along with video of procedures scattered about...it just goes on and on. The only light we had were our flashlights and headlamps. So I continue...my partner and I are in the sub-basement, and we're maybe halfway through. There were a few more rooms that he wanted to check out...It was at this moment where I spoke up and said..."hmmm...how about we go back up to the basement and finish off the wing that we are currently sweeping?" To which he obliged (probably cause he's fairly new). We finished off the wing - which really was only 1/3 of the basement when we left the zone. I swear I get all the crazy sites!!! Anyways, I guess I just needed to talk about this...so far, we haven't encountered the homeless, prostitutes, or druggies in the building (thank goodness!!)

Well...only 1/3 of the basement and 5 more stories left to go .....

people like to read short blogs. because people just want dirt, or something quick and funny or quick and cute or pictures. they don't really care about what you are really thinking about, especially if it is extremely verbose using words with sylables numbering more than three. your most profound thoughts aren't typically read by those who have no interest in you and therefore rarely get the exposure you hope for or think the topic deserves. for people who have an interest in you, they will read your schedule if you put it down. but that's not why we blog (or keep journals or diaries)... for me, blogging is an outlet to get many (but certainly not all) my thoughts and frustrations out. to give people a glimpse to possibly convince them there is something more to me than some psychotic, obnoxious, sociopathic otaku... the thing is, you will never know me unless you get to know me. whatever I put down here, as random and as open as it can get, is still highly edited for the audience. my deepest feelings and thoughts are not shared here. not that I am ashamed of them, quite the contrary, as I sometimes wish I could just blurt everything out and be done with it, but because they do not belong in this forum, nor are they for sharing... there are things that need to be kept between two people or between you and God. people blog about things as banal as the weather and what they did to day because in some ways they are revealing themselves without revealing themselves. things that are harmless. things that can start a conversation but certainly not sustain it. those moments when we question the path of our lives. those moments were we are desperately in need of help but cannot bear to ask for it. those moments were we lose hope and faith, but we cannot admit that we have. we keep those inside or just away from the public eye. we do not write long posts detailed how we feel because we are scared that someone will read it and tell us that we are crazy for thinking that and that you are stupid for feeling that. we are afraid because we cannot help how we feel, but we don't know what to do with what we are feeling. we are not worthy of God's love. yet He loves us and He wants us to be with Him. He has reached out to us through His Son and has given us the information so that we might one day Join Him in His glory. sometimes, that is the only though that can keep you going. because in the end... it's really all that matters.

that's a sticking point.

doing the right thing but for the wrong reason.

practicality states that is something is right, it should be done. what does the motivation matter if it is "right"?

what about doing something that is "wrong" but for the right reason?

you think about that. you shouldn't do something because it is wrong.

I'm thinking abraham.

then I'm thinking about the dude that steals bread from a store because he needs to feed his starving child.

then I'm thinking about volunteering because you want to impress someone to get a date, and not because you want to help.

some would argue, it doesn't matter what you intended to do, but what you have done.

others would say that it is the thought that counts.

one person argued that it is not what goes into one's mouth that makes him impure but what comes out of it.

I say, mean what you say and you say what you mean.

even if it is "right", it could very well be wrong.

then there is truth and love. truth without love is mean and wrong... love with out truth can lead to many wrong things...

the problem is that not everyone has the same "truth" or even knows anything about your "truth" versus their own "truth" so how can you possibly judge them? I say that you cannot. I say that I try not to.

But I am not perfect... and it happens.

it is hard. people are so passionate about what they believe in or what they want to believe in.

and no one likes being wrong.

it's sucks. but I think that's the truth.

So, I'm not much of a blogger, but being that I have nothing to do at work at all...here I am, updating on the new happenings in my life. Here we go....

All right people; I've caved. I gave into the whole blackberry craze and I must say, I can see why its so addicting. I got the new Blackberry Storm as a birthday gift to myself over the weekend (but only because I was eligible for an early upgrade). Didn't really have much time to really play around with it until yesterday. And oh my gosh...I love it. Seriously...I do. Plus my emails come through much faster on my Blackberry than my Outlook....strange.

What else...oh, I am boycotting facebook. Why? Because last week I was hacked, then fb disabled my account. I emailed them, but its been about week and still no response. Therefore, I am boycotting them. I figured if they don't have time to simply send me a short explanation, then I don't need them. Although I miss seeing how all my friends are doing. I feel so isolated....

Recording studio - So while Ryan was off for a month way back when, our florida room is now like a recording studio. I have to say, I like it...and its a lot of fun. It's usually where "the band" practices for JSopalooza, but it doubles as our recording studio for when we want to record ourselves singing very badly to musicals. So far, we've recorded Wicked. We're not so good at harmonizing. It sounds hilarious. Side note: since we're talking about obsessions, Ryan's is the guitar. I swear if he could have it attached to his body, he would. At least its better than magic.

Sump pumps - I think they suck...seriously. So last week - on Lunar New Year to be exact, the day that Ryan flies out (after he was off for about 8 weeks), I wake up to get ready for work. I walk into the kitchen to grab my lunch and guess what? Half of the kitchen was flooded (this was around 0600). I'm screaming, Ryan gets up and we try to dry up the floor. We figured that the water isn't making its way down to the sump pump from the kitchen sink. So Ryan runs downstairs to play with the piping. He comes back up and we're both staring at the kitchen sink when it starts gurgling. I yell that its gonna flood and for Ryan to run down to turn off the sump. Ryan then proceeds to pack to fly out while I run to Home Depot (oh how I love that you are open at 0600) to buy this drain cleaner. I drop it off and go to work while Ryan finishes packing and pours the cleaner down the sink. Well this drain cleaner is supposed to stay in the drain for 8 hours. So after the allotted 8 hours (@ 1540) when I get home from work, I proceed to run hot water down the drain (per the instructions) and run downstairs to plug the sump pump back in. What happens next? Pipe breaks away from the elbow and I'm drenched. I call Ryan (who's now in CT) and am pissed (not at him but the situation). He says he's sorry but the pipe needs to get put back into the elbow. I run upstairs and pick up my tool set (yes I have a tool set - which I love) and am set out to put this together. I get back downstairs and begin working. This time, the elbow disconnects from both ends of the pipe that its attached to and I'm completely drenched. At this point, I'm so pissed and feeling sorry for myself that many expletives flow out of my mouth and I'm to the point that I start crying because I don't know what else to do. Then I figured that this stupid pipe and sump pump wasn't going to beat me, so I finally get it fixed. Ryan called Kris and he came over that night to make sure that everything was right. (Kris - You're awesome!! Thanks so much!!) My main gripe with all of this is why it couldn't have happened in the 8 weeks that Ryan was home. Stupid sump pump & piping!

I think that's about it. I really hope we start getting busy again since my project is on a little hiatus. Although I feel that since the administration has shifted, it takes a little bit before they figure out the budget and what not. My guess would be March. At least that's what it has been in the past. Keep your fingers crossed!! In the meantime, I have Florida and Paducah to look forward too. I'm so over this frigid arctic air!

and we enter in to 2009.

2009.

I never imagined what I would be like when I was this old or what things would be like at this time. I remember reading books and thinking how cool it would be to travel and colonize space, living in the depths of the ocean and in floating building in in the sky... then reality kicks in - physics, practicality... what do people want (and "want" nowadays translates directly with "need" though we know better... even if we don't necessarily do as we know...) and how much profit can be made... then thoughts of conspiracy... telling people what they want by suggesting that they want it or need it. I'd like to get away from the contradictions. I'd like to leave the hypocrisy behind. I'd like the "ideal" world to be possible. I'd like to worry less and live more. I'd like it to be about the love and not the money.

five days in... the new year is really just something arbitrary point of measuring time that we decided to hold in our traditions and have an excuse to get together.

I'd like more excuses to get together... I'd like to be less lazy too...

eh...

I'll do something more about it later.

I miss lorie. I haven't seen her all year...

;-)

Read more.

To start. But only because I cannot put everything all down all at the same time. But here I am.

I am pro-life and that being pro-choice is just another way to say that you believe that you do not have to be responsible for your actons. I believe that men and women objectify themselves and each other and that it is only getting worse. I believe that life begins at conception and that the purpose of life is to create life. I believe that the first right is the right to life - which supercedes all other rights, and that no one should be able to deprive another of LIFE, liberty, or the pursuit of happiness. I believe that rape and incest are abhorrent, but that life is life, no matter how it is made - and life should be protected.

I believe in smaller government, lower taxes, family values, national defense. I do not believe that the government knows how to handle money. I believe that elected officials become beholden to their contributors and that it leads to further waste through pork barrel projects and do-nothing sessions of Congress. I believe that elections shouldn't be about raising money. I believe that elected officials should not be in it for the money and that their salaries should reflect that. Until elected officials are free from constantly having to raise money and return favors, they cannot legislate objectively and according to the people whom they represent. I believe they should be public SERVANTS. Their positions should be much, much more noble than what they have become. I believe that the people should dictate what legislative representatives persue and no money.

I believe that the goverment is run by MAN and thus I believe that no form of government will be without its problems. I believe that you will never make everyone happy. I do not believe in communism because I believe that everyone should have a voice. I do not believe in socialism because I believe that it only promotes laziness. I do not fully trust capitalism, but I do not know if there is a viable alternative. I believe that if we can change the paradigm so that we only work for the betterment of humanity and not for the pursuit of money, that we can achieve a balanced society.

I believe that one should vote however they feel, using whatever moral and ethical foundation you agree with. I believe that laws should be written to protect but not hinder what is morally and ethically sound. I believe that the government should serve the people, not themselves.

I do not believe that the minority should be able to dictate the majority because the minority doesn't think it is fair. I do not think that that majority should neglect the minority, but should not make major sacrifices because of the minority.

I do not believe that the US should give up it sovereignty just to save face on the international stage. I believe that the citizens of this country should step up and be worthy of the power which the US weilds and use that power justly and for the sake of our nation. I believe that we as a nation should finish what we start, regardless of the reasons for starting it. Leaving things in the middle make a mess and will inevitablely make things worse.

I do not believe in gun control. I believe that if guns are outlawed, then only criminals will have them. I believe that responsible, legal gun owners are vital for the safety and security of the country, and that should it be necessary, it will be the responsible citizens and gun owners that will revolt should the government over reach their station.

I do not believe in global warming. I do not believe that we can predict cycles of major weathers based on a millenia of suspect data. In the whole scheme of things, 1000 years is nothing compared the the billions of years of the planet.

I do not believe that creationism and evolution are mutually exclusive.

I believe that people should be able to do what they want BUT I hope they do what is morally and ethically right, and not what is selfish.

REGARDLESS of what they do, I believe they need to be accountable for the actions to which they have commited themselves.

I believe that people do not listen to what they don't want to and that they want to be able to do whatever they want without having to pay - without having to suffer the consequences.

I believe that the media is self-serving and ultimately will create self-fulfilling prophecies. The media is no longer about TRUTH but about making MONEY. I believe that it should be about the truth - without agenda or prejudice.

I believe that evil exists so that kindness and goodness can exist. I believe that love can only be appreciated through witnessing hate, and that faith can only shine when there is doubt. I also believe that doubt can sometimes bring you to faith.

I believe that I am no better than anyone, but I also believe that I will not agree with everyone which might be perceived that I believe that I think I am better. I believe that I can disagree with you and still respect you, that I can listen to you and share my thoughts without confrontation. I believe that I admire passion, but I believe that I can be upset by that with which I disagree. I believe that I will follow what I believe.

I believe that there is more to this life than material needs. I believe that life should be lived as close to Heaven as possible. To be one with LOVE.

I believe that I am a sinner. I believe that I am weak that only through FAITH and PRAYER and through GOD will I be able to live.

I believe in one God, the Father Almighty, maker of heaven and earth, and of all things seen and unseen. I believe in one Lord Jesus Christ, the only Son of God, eternally begotten from the Father. God from God, light from light, true God from true God. Begotten not made, one in being with the Father, through Him all things were made. For us men and for our salvation, He came down from heaven. By the power of the Holy Spirit He was born of the Virgin Mary and becamse man; He was crucified under Pontius Pilate, suffered, died, and was buried; On the third day rose again in fulfilment of the Scriptures. He ascended into heaven, seated at the right hand of the Father, He shall come again in glory to judge the living and the dead, whose Kingdom will have no end. I believe in the Holy Spirit, the Lord and Giver of life, who proceeds from the Father and the Son, With the Father and the Son He is worshipped and glorified, He has spoken through the Prophets. I believe in one holy, catholic, and apostolic Church. I acknowledge one baptism for the forgiveness of sins. And look for the resurrection of the dead and the life of the world to come.

I believe that I am done... for the moment...

One... two... whatever... we've all been in the situation where the need arises and you are unable to just take care of business and are forced to wait... when the moment comes where you are able to escale to the facilities, there is a mad rush. your more primal instincts begin to take control and suddenly, you are having trouble undoing you belt or zipper or whatever, but you are acutely aware of evert sound around you, ever molecule of air, you can see every crack and scratch on the floors or walls... sometime you cut it close... too close for comfort. sometimes you aren't so lucky... we have all had those moments. they aren't our proudest moments. they are secrets that we bury in our subconscious, or we try to force them from our memories as fast as possible...
those days suck.

... ... ...

but somehow... despite knowing better... despite trying to be a better person... it is morbidly funny seeing someone else suffer the same indignity.

well, you feel bad... but it does make for a funny story later...

unless they didn't make it...

then it's sad...

or really, really funny...

depending on the person...

if that ever happens to me... i hope there aren't any witnesses... because other people would have too much fun with it...