babiegoose.com

it has been an interesting couple of weeks. first, it's probably been one of the most expensive couple of weeks we've had in a long time... out water heater crapped out and we had to get a new one... the surprise party, rock band, wii fit, a new phone, clothes... you know stuff. but if you told me that I had to do that all over again in order to have the memories from sunday, then I would do it again in a heartbeat. it's always nice to see how much people love you... you know that they love you, but to actually see it physically manifest itself - (as it did on sunday for me, and in retrospect, the last few months) is amazing. lorie, anna, kimmie, eric, rob, and ellen. the amount of work they put in for something as simple as a surprise party was a little ridiculous and appreciate more than they probably could know. the art board, the food, the t-shirts, the hats, the planning, and from throwing a fake surprise party, to going along with a fake fake party, to getting everything together for a real surprise party under my nose and many times (unbeknownst to me) with my help. especially lorie. I don't know if I should be proud or weary about her ability to lie to my face - though with the best intentions, of course. before this weekend, I probably would have told you that I thought I was pretty smart, pretty clever. after this weekend, I think I might be a lot slower than any previous estimation. but, even if I did figure it out (which I didn't) I don't think I would have had the heart to ruin the efforts and the planning and just the thoughts of those six people that did so much to give me such a beatiful and fun filled day. all for me? in my head, yes, but I'm pretty sure everyone else had fun too. so thanks to everyone that came, and especially thanks to lorie, kimmie, anna, eric, ellen, and rob. you guys are the best. I'm so happy to be blessed with my family and friends.

now if I could only get some sleep. ;-)

Im typing this entry from the instinct. $70 a month for 450 minutes and unlimited text, data, email, tv... seems pretty good, though i can't play the facebook apps... i can also use the gps too... i'm a little excited. i'm also getting the hang of the keyboard too, which is pretty slick. i'm liking it so far. time will tell.

I've heard, here and there, that people believe that they are punished immediately by God when they are doing something wrong.

It's not simply that a consequence of doing something wrong is that something bad happens to you, but that you are being punished.

not sure if that was clear, but in my mind it is clear that if you do something wrong, you deserve to be punished for it. not even speaking from a religious stand point but a mere cause and effect.

now, I've also heard, here and there, that people believe that they when they haven't been faithful that God punishes them because you were away so long and He's mad at you.

that's probably one of the dumbest things I've ever heard.

"I was going to confession, which I haven't been to in years, and I got hurt. So I didn't go, because God was telling me not to because He's mad at me."

what kind of stupid horse caca is that?

whatever.

so randomly... Divine Mercy Sunday. from what I've been told, if you are free from sin (having been to confession within a week of receiving Holy Communion on that Sunday) then you will be granted a plenary indulgence.

what was that?

plenary indulgence.

from what little I understand, and crudely put, an indulgence is more or less salvation because someone holy (like the Pope who is infallible) said so. back when they were building St. Peter's Basilica, they were handing out indulgences for money so they could build it... A few people had a problem with that, not in God's plan or whatever... not sure how that works really...

and I'm not sure what the rule is on that now a days...

and I'm not sure what I think about it just yet - given that I haven't really looked up much... but I'll go with whatever the Pope says...

k... I should go back to work...

How does raising the minimum wage help the economy?

It certainly doesn't guarantee more jobs. In fact, I would think that hinders employeers because there is less money, therefore a hiked minimum wage just causes employers to cuts jobs to pay for the people they can afford, or it causes businesses to go bankrupt.

there is a difference between looking like you are helping people and actually helping people. by raising the minimum wage, you appease what people think they need. what someone needs to teach them is what they truly need and what they need is to understand.

understand that short-term fixes won't get the job done. it's a marathon people, not a sprint. but elected government officials have little time (like consultants) and typically focus on getting their main objectives completed - because they have a relatively short amount of time before they have to campaign again to keep their job - which means selling out, asking for money, and making promises or owing favors which would be better to be not kept or not owed.

but 'people' in general are selfish. then again, 'people' in general are stupid. but that's just the cynical pessimist in me talking. my optomistic side thinks that if we tell people and get them to actually listen and understand, that we will all be in a better place.

but maybe I'm oversimplifying things.

How does raising taxes on the rich help the economy?
so there are a ton of corporate bigwigs that make an obscene amount of money. and suppose we tax them extra because we think they should be giving more back to the country. but they don't get additional say - unless you count the millions they throw at government officials, legal and legal-ish-ly, through loybbying, campaign contributions, etc, etc, etc. - in elections - they still have one vote, but it is their money that is going to the government... personally, I don't think the government handles money all that well, and I would rather hold on to my money where possible. for those people that do make a ton of money - I'm sure they know better what to do with it - beneficial or self-serving - the trick is to get them to use their money and knowledge of managing it and growing it and water so that help everyone else.

it's the getting them to help everyone else and people recognizing that they are helping is the trick. but once you shine a spotlight on good deeds, that spotlight can go right to the dirty deeds...

raising taxes might be a short-term "gain" but it ends up screwing the little guy down the road, because that rich guy - he's smart, devious, and ambition, and he has a lot of friends because he has a lot of money - so wouldn't you rather have him on your side? how do we get him on our side?

by raising taxes on the rich, isn't it like consolidating power in an elite few? isn't that the opposite of a democracy? also, since they are getting 'pinched' so to speak, that just motivates them to cut unecessary cost - and that trickles all the way down the line to the lowest rung... because they just hike minimum wages and they need to cut some 'fat'.

you want to talk about the economy... who do you think controls the economy?

I'm not an economics major - I'm not a government expert... but I have seen into business, and I've watched west wing a few times, and I stayed at a holiday in express... so someone please correct me if I'm way off base, tell me why. if it's not that simple, then tell me why?

there are 6 billion people on the planet. I'm sure there are enough people around to try and find the root causes to this, because everything, everything is connected.

or maybe I'm oversimplifying things.

I've been looking at the lyrics all around the net and I didn't find any that satisfied me with regards to correctness... so here is my take on Jurassic 5's Improvise:

Yo, it's like this when Allah says "Let it be light"
He also designated, poetical brothers with mics
For whoever had skills to possess the gift
Combinated with the flavor and it go like this,

2na Fish

The manphibian citizen, with the lesson plan
Cashier at the J5 concession stand,

Akil

The militant steel with the periphial
Telegraphic skill build up force field,

Mark 7even

Fundamentalist bringing my verbal gift
My style is packed quick like cocoa in Swiss Miss,

Zaakir

For the way my pen sticks to rhymes
'Cause I feel that, party people, it's about that time

And together, we'll show you how to improvise
Reminiscent of the Wild Style '75
'Cause it's the brothers on the mic occupyin' the drums
Takin' four MC's and make them sound like one

I be the spark from the cannon, blaze the outstandin'
Tug of war, with the poor, rich, and scandalous
Road runnin' bandit, race against advancement
Style winds 'cause storms when I perform

I'm a plot with giant robot, And stomp ya whole spot
Then peep ya whole crew, Da bunch of know nots
Dissect you from the inner then declare myself the winner
Once the style clears, you'll be frail like thinner

I'm 2na the Black, pure contractor
Attackin' your backdoor, you're trapped in my trash compactor
Move back, boy, smooth as velour, the trap door
It's causin' the capture for brothers who rap poor

Check the shellin', rock niggas redder than watermelon
The grief-stricken, rotated 20/20 vision
Rap felon, hottest brother wit bad spellin'
I pitch shift with unprecedented sharpness

Distributor, local street corner contributor
Word inhibitor, scientific pen positioner
Rhythm commissions DJs for real
He drives the cross fader like a cut mobile

We perpetrate no fake, no fraud, no phony
Jurassic masters of the ceremony
You came and saw right before your eyes
In fact the old school flavor has survived, like this

[instrumental]

And together, we show you how to improvise
Reminiscent of the Wild Style '75
'Cause it's the brothers on the mic occupyin' the drums
We takin' four MC's and make 'em sound like one

And together, we show you how to improvise
Reminiscent of the Wild Style '75
So whoever bought the tape bring your butt right back
'Cause you never in your life heard a cut like that

Hey, we flip fast phonographs 45 records smash
Hot weather forecast, it ain't nothin' they never had

Make a move, never lose, competition quick to choose
New styles, hot rhymes, guaranteed to blow your mind

Who is he? The subtle lip fanatic from Unity
Demonstratin' the ghetto diplomatic immunity

Well I'm the style stimulus, sound photosynthesis
Super with the sentences in the land of citrus

And together, we'll show you how to improvise
Reminiscent of the Wild Style '75
'Cause it's the brothers on the mic occupyin' the drums
Takin' four MC's and make them sound like one

And together, we'll show you how to improvise
Reminiscent of the Wild Style '75
'Cause it's the brothers on the mic in the place to be
It's the J U R A double S I C

It's been a long road, gettin from there to here...

a lot has changed in the almost 8 months since I've blogged... too much to recap... I'm sure other people have done so.

Even in my own eyes I know I've changed. reading through a lot of the blogs I posted (and didn't post) I've found that a lot of the anger and frustration that I felt are no longer there... only to replaced with different feelings - some similar, other vastly different.

I've since discovered web 2.0 - many aspects of which I like, many which I do not like. bring us together by keeping us apart. ironic, no?

I've come to terms with my life - and how I will choose to live it.

I've come to terms with my career - and how I will choose to handle it.

nothing is perfect, I don't think it ever will be - but I know where I want to be, because I know I'm not there...

but life isn't a sprint... it's a marathon. We can't have things right when we want them, if only to teach us that things attained easily are things easily forgotten. there is no cheat code or FAQ walk-through for life.

I'm pretty sure no one has it all figured out. because if they did, they would have probably boxed it, mass produced it, and sold it to the highest bidder.

I'd probably be in line to buy it if I was convinced...

I think I'll try to keep blogging again... I haven't been keeping up with anyone's blog... I'm sure that my links are hopelessly out of date.

the layout is probably dated as well...

but as with everything, there is only time to do so much... and I haven't been using my time as wisely as I would like.

I just have to remember that we weren't meant for this world... this world is not the end.

if I can keep that in mind and my focus on the things that really matter... everything will be alright in the end.

I will see my dreams come alive at last...
I will touch the sky...

I probably could have spent more time doing something useful instead of doing useless things this afternoon.

I was told to take my computer in.

so I did.

I was told it would take half a day.

I was like, "yeah right, whatever, it'll be done in two hours."

nope.

it has thus far taken the half of the day they predicted.

so much for being an optimist.

... ... ...

on a brighter note, I believe lorie is coming home this weekend. HUZZAH! HUZZAY! BULLY!

... ... ...

I was told that my australian accent sounds like a new york accent.

I was also told that my boston accent sounds like a new york accent.

one would think that I have a new york accent that I think sounds like whatever I think it sounds like. but I never tried to do a new york accent.

oh my gosh.

am I like one of those deluded fools on those reality tv competition shows!?

do I think I'm sooo funny only to go on live tv to be shown how completely not funny i am?!?!?

am I like the "choreographer" or the "singer" on "so you think you can dance" and "american idol" but from a misguided comedy/accent perspective?

the world is spinning.

all of a sudden, I'm seeing life much more clearly, and... and...

I...

uh...

I...

... ... ...

no way.

I'll give you that my accents might suck. But "at least I have a 'lambert'"...

... ... ...

"I feel like an angel baby, swaddled in a coccoon of cloud candy."

... ... ...

and I think it's time to change the oil on this webpage... I'm thinking...

... ... ...

that was it. I'm thinking.

I hate feeling wretched.

I feel that way sometimes.

not fun.

being scolded.

that makes me feel wretched.

disappointed looks.

feeling wretched.

seeing lorie upset.

wretched.

... ... ...

the line in which I feel wretched is thin, almost invisible. this line exists between apathy, which is just past sadness and concern, and anger.

I don't like disapppoint people.

I don't like getting scolded.

when I get both, it really sucks.

the only thing that might be worse in my experience is getting both and it upsetting lorie.

... ... ...

I'm over it.

... ... ...

I got to the hotel, got upgraded to a one-bedroom sweet.

and then I ate a jr bacon cheeseburger.

... ... ...

I just ate another.

... ... ...

now, I am going to sit on the couch and think about working out.

because if I think about it, it's almost as if I'm doing it, right?

... ... ...

I am going to stop this train of thought now. because I believe that if I make any more deep revelations, I might cause a shift in the paradigm of current intellectual thought.

I don't think people are ready for that shift...

just yet.

... ... ...

don't worry, I will regale you with the exploits of my next meal and next day's activities.

... ... ...

I know you are the end edge of your seat. you'd have to be... expecially if you made it this far into this blog.

1. How old will you be in 3 years?
three years older than I am now...

2. Do you think you'll be married by then?
Yes. I will still be married.

3. What do you look forward to most in the next 2 months?
Seeing lorie at any point. Seeing my family at any point. Thursday's when I fly home. Being told at any point that everything will be good from now on, and it being true.

4. Who was the last person you talked to?
my mom (it was too late for me to call lorie, and I was returning kimmie's phone call)

5. what do you think about the person that took this survey before you?
I stole this from amit. he like clue. that makes him cool. "nnnnnaoh." "I'm sorry, I said no meaning yes."

6. Who was the last person to text you?
lorie. she said 'ok'.

7. Who was the last person you hugged?
I think it was isaiah or ethan. I gave everyone else kisses or I slapped their hands. I think they call that 'giving fives'

8. What were you doing at midnight last night?
watching 'the batman' and 'legion of superheroes' thinking, 'Wow, I'm such a cool dude.'

9. Parents separated/divorced/married?
Interesting question. I guess you could say widowed, but my mom is now engaged.

10. Last time you saw your dad?
August 18, 1997, around 12:30am...

11. What happened at 11:00 a.m. today?
I decided I needed to go to target to get lotion, hair product, and boxers

12. How many states do you want to visit?
as many as possible, except the states that cause bodily or mental harm, deficiency, etc. US states... well, the 5 or 6 I haven't been to yet...



14. Do you prefer shoes, socks, or bare feet?
it's seasonal. bare, etiquette permitting.

15. Are you a social person?
Yeah

17. Favorite ice cream?
anything with nuts, chocolate, or mint, or any combination thereof...

18. What is your favorite dessert?
I'll go with Ice Cream for 2000, Alex

19. Whats your favorite song right now?
This very second, I think I'll have to say, 'Wonderful tonight' Michael Buble/Ivan Lins

20. What kind of jelly do you like on your peanut butter sandwich?
Raspberry jelly

21. Do you like coffee?
yes, but prefer espresso if I need the caffeine and chai if there is soy.

22. How many glasses of water a day do you drink on average?
two

23. What do you drink in the morning?
oj or iced tea

24. Would you rather kiss someone with or without a lip ring?
Without

25. Do you sleep on a certain side of the bed?
Yes. on the top of the bed.

26. Do you know how to play poker?
Yes. but I suck at it.

28. Any plans for this week?
work. mowing the lawn. seeing my family. cooking dinner for lorie.

29. Do you eat out or at home more often?
out. can't cook in the hotel - well I can, but it would stink my clothes up. when I'm home, I like to eat there.

34. Have you ever been in an ambulance?
No.

35. Do you prefer an ocean or a pool?
yes. I do, very much so.

36. Do you prefer a window seat or an aisle seat?
window.

37. Do you know how to drive a stick shift?
yes.

38. What is your favorite thing to spend money on?
when I have money, anything that's not a bill.

39. Do you wear any jewelry 24/7?.
yes. my ring.

40. Do you speak any other language?
English. Bad English. a tiny bit of japanese. a tiny bit of tagalog. a tiny bit of spanish. a tiny bit of french. to make a long story short (too late) No. I cannot speak any other language with any degree of fluency. unless you count programming languages.

41. Can you roll your tongue?
only once. people that can do it multiple times are weird.

42. Who is the funniest person you know?
steen or phil... they are pretty funny. they might technically count as one, since they are married... :-P


43. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
yes, it's name is 'Pillow'

44. Are you in a relationship?
Yes.

45. Do you still have clothes from when you were little?
like 95lbs. little or like toddler little. yes and no, respectively.

46. What is the color of your bedroom wall?
river rock - dark blue (I don't know the name of the blue)

47. Do you shut off the water when you brush your teeth?
in the hotel - no. at home - no.

48. Are you crushing on someone right now?
my boo.

49. Do you have any tattoos, or piercings?
haven't checked in a while... so, maybe?

It would be fantastic if we could swap dreams the way businessmen swap business cards. When you met someone, you'd give them a copy of your favorite dream, which would be both a pleasant gift and an introduction to your personality, and they'd give you their.

I wish I knew what the insides of other peoples' minds looked like.

psylocke gets her wish...

It begins in the middle - they always begin in the middle...

I am in total blackness...

In total silence...

What has gone on prior to this, I don't know but there is a tense feeling in the air, an anxious feeling...

I am stressed... I am worried...

and then, all of a sudden, there is a flower in the distance. in a pool of light... a daisy or a tulip... usually a warm color - a light red or pink, and some times, yellow or white...

I hear a rumble. no, I feel a rumble, because I do not hear anything.

something, a lot of somethings, are rolling in the distance.

towards me?

no. I am above it.

I think I am floating.

there are tremendous logs. perfectly cylindrical, your stereotypical cut down tree - no branches, no leaves, just trunks of bark and wood. I can see the ground now. Dirt. it's brown.

they are all rolling towards this flower hundreds and hundreds of logs are rolling and tumbling over each other each racing toward the flower. I want to help, to protect the flower, but I am scared and I am nervous and I can't move and now I can actually hear all of the logs rolling and rumbling and there is this high pitch squeal piercing the air now and I still can't move and I can't turn away something is holding me back and I can see the dirt kicking up and the ground is shaking and the flower is being overwhelmed but none of the logs are hitting it they are seem to be going through the pool of light but I still feel anxious and nervous and then -

silence.

I am nowhere again.

The air is still tense, still anxious.

I think I am in water.

I am in the dark, but there is a light blue glow on everything - like a thin shadow of blue, but there is nothing around to cast a shadow. I don't know where the blue glow comes from.

there is a line above me. just a line, two dimensional - extending from a point off in the distance to a point off in the opposite distance, glowing with blue.

I have a purpose. to keep the line together.

somehow, in the two dimensions I see the line starting to come apart and I am trying to hold it together. I can't see my hands... but I can still feel myself trying to hold the line, to keep it together...
I am still struggling... I am still scared... the blue glow gets brighter and brighter and then...

I wake up...

...

Not at all my favorite dream, but one I remember...

in fact this is a recurring dream I have been having since I was a child...

and only when I'm sick...

and almost always accompanied by panic attacks...

I haven't had it in a few years, but when dreams come to mind, this is always on top...

For the most part, dreams are something I love, but I almost always forget them immediately after I wake up...
Especially if they are nice...
Maybe I should invest in a dream log of some sort...
for the nice dreams...

The dreams I remember are bad... I remember two dreams distinctly... and a handful vaguely...

I read once that we dream every night, but, since most people often forget the dream once they awaken, that dreams are there so we can forget.

Others speculate dreams will help us tap into the unknown potential of the human mind. the more we remember them, the more in touch with the mind we will become.

I don't hold with either... at least not totally.

Dreamers can find their way by moonlight and their only punishment is that they see the dawn before the rest of the world. - Oscar Wilde


p.s. I'm not a believer in Horoscopes and Astrology - but this was pretty interesting... almost too interesting... for me... my personality... perhaps it is sufficiently vague to fit in generically with many people. none the less, it is the dessert of the mind - as people read their trash gossip magazines, the occult is like my tabloid. I know it isn't real, and I don't for one second believe in it. But just because I know that you shouldn't eat fatty foods and too much sugar - I still do it, because I enjoy it.

Cancer
June 22- July 23

The constellation, Cancer, was said to have been created after a side-moving Crab attacked Heracles, the last great hero to be a plaything of the gods, as he battled the infamous, many-headed Hydra. The pincered crab clasped Heracles' foot, clinging tenaciously until Heracles crushed it. Of course, since the crab was sent by Hera, out of jealousy, to stop Heracles, she honored it for its devotion and set it among the stars. Although this is only part of a very long story about the intrigues of the Greek gods, the consensus is that the crab came to represent tenacity and devotion.

The choice of the Moon, as ruler of Cancer, may not have much to do with the Crab, although Moon-children are among the most devoted and tenacious natives of the zodiac. The Moon contributes instinct and responsiveness as it operates in the milieu of feelings.

Insofar as the Moon represents the reflected light of the Sun, it also signifies the capacity of Cancer natives to respond immediately to the other diverse individualities with which they come into contact.

Like the ever-changing Moon, Cancer is not the easiest of signs to understand or deal with. Emotional, self-protective, and moody, Cancer can be an enigma to even the most well-meaning souls. There are two distinctly different types. One is outgoing and enterprising - craving security, though seemingly self-assured. The other is timid and retiring.

A great deal will depend on the other energies associated with the personal horoscope. Regardless of the type, Cancer is maternal, protective and enabling. The Moon, which rules Cancer, is the symbol for motherhood, and even men of this sign tend to be sensitive, emotional and nurturing.

Like all water signs, Cancer is immensely creative. Since you place your greatest energies in your home and domestic relationships, chances are yours is a comfortable nest, where your chicks are encouraged to thrive and prosper, as long as it is under your protective wing. All you ask of the world is to be cherished and appreciated. When that happens, the Cancer personality is giving, kind, solicitous and sympathetic. Refuse to give a Cancer what is due, and suffer a moody, self-pitying, and unforgiving response. A happy Cancer epitomizes all that is tender and caring in a close relationship. A frustrated Cancer gives mothers a bad name. A Cancer's vices are her virtues carried to extreme - over-protectiveness, instability, and defensiveness.

Cancer shines in the business milieu because of a quiet tenacity that leads her to success. You tend to be an excellent judge of human nature, and have a gift for understanding what the public wants and needs. Your natural ability to save for a rainy day, and make the most out of the least can sometimes make the difference between success and failure. Accustomed to making sacrifices, you do not place excessive demands on the world, opting only for comfort, security, and an opportunity to be important to someone.

What people need to understand about you is that you are always limited by the sense of wholeness in which any reality must rest, and by your need to confirm your place at the center.

You may be stubborn, but you are not very predictable in the kind of willfulness you will adopt to get what you want. You speak out of a complete orientation within your own feelings, whether they are instinctive or rational. Your feelings are the lens through which the rest of your life is focused.

When you are hurt, and you can be hurt by things that seem trifling to others, you may forgive, but you seldom forget.

Cancer tends to look to the past for support. Deeply responsive to everything that has come before, both in personal terms and in terms of family history and cultural conditioning, you may find it difficult to let go of past grievances and injustices in order to deal with the present in the here and now. This is one of your biggest challenges.

As a partner Cancer is devoted, protective, and seeks emotional fulfillment. Although you may not be the best housekeeper in the world, tending to the needs of those you love is your highest priority. Sometimes there are strings attached. Recognition and a kind word from the person you love will be considered the highest form of compliment. An unsolicited gift or thoughtful gesture can have you smiling for days. Food and nourishment is also a particularly important factor for you. You are likely to be a wonderful cook, and feed everyone who comes in the door. However, you have a tendency to drown your own sorrows in food, and need to be vigilant about your diet.

While Cancer women are most happy in their comfortable, domestic field of operation, and usually deal appropriately with their conflicting feelings, Cancer men have a more complex cross to bear. Often, their lives are strongly influenced by their mothers. They may also experience intense and unique relationships with women, who sometimes create the greatest opportunities, and challenges, in their lives.

The chickens are coming home to roost, dear Cancer. Saturn is just beginning its journey through your personal domain, where it will remain for about two years. You may be facing your greatest challenges, or your most profound rewards. Expect your domestic life to take on higher importance, as your relationship with your family demands an even greater portion of your time.